Holiday Traffic....gotta love it!

The Christmas season is upon us. You can feel the love and joy in the air as you drive down the street. The sense of harmony is so strong that we all decide to huddle together in traffic like ants on a mission. And you know the true spirit of the season has arrived when you see the universal sign for peace, love and good tidings - the finger. Yes, this heartfelt show of emotion is almost always accompanied by some melodious phrases that truly belong in a Christmas carol sung by angelic four year olds at a Christmas pageant. Ah, Christmas.

Today as I joined my fellow man in a jolly round of traffic caroling, I was quite distressed to realize that some were apparently unaware of the proper merging etiquette. If you know that you are going to have to enter the freeway in a mile or two, go ahead and get in the proper lane. It never hurts to be prepared. As I sat waiting patiently in the proper lane, I noticed other vehicles speeding past and merging into the line many cars ahead. How rude. Here we all are, waiting in line like proper Southern folk, and these others just rush ahead, bust in line and speed off.

As I sat in my car today, becoming increasingly frustrated about the rudeness of my fellow drivers, God gently brought the parable of the vineyard workers from Matthew chapter 20 to mind. I once heard that the focus of this parable is not our sense of injustice, but of God's sense of compassion.

Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am so generous? So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

-Matthew 20:13-16 NIV

It's not really about traffic. It's not about pay raises or project assignments. It's not about who sings too loud in church. It's about my attitude of entitlement. God has been placing me in situations lately that really reveal my inflated sense of worth. Oh, how selfish I am! If I spent half as much time focusing on pleasing God as I did in looking at the flaws in others, I would be a world away from where I sit today.

God has been ministering to my heart about my selfishness lately. So often I view life from my limited human perspective. When I witness what I perceive to be injustice, I balk and wonder why God hasn't stepped in and set someone straight. You know, truly, God rarely makes sense to me. He is one anomaly after another. As I grow in my walk with Him, He is so sweet to teach me to see things from His perspective. And the things I don't understand are in His control anyway, so why should I worry? Sometimes I think George Costanza was on to something. Whatever your instinct tells you to do, do the opposite. So often my flesh-infested knee-jerk reaction to a situation is the direct opposite of what God would have me do. My innate judgmental nature and pompous sense of selfishness tell me that I would be a doormat if I let everyone cut in line. But I think God would see it as a ministry opportunity.

I am so glad that God's idea of justice is NOT the same as mine. I would never survive if I had to stand up under the expectations I place on others. I thank God that He cares enough about me to reveal these gaping rifts in my character. Refinement is never a fun process. But just knowing that God hasn't given up on me yet makes the growing pains all worthwhile!

I didn't make my bed today. Well, let's be honest - there are a lot of days that I don't make my bed. Frankly, I'm lucky to get out of the house with all my clothes on, much less make the bed. I can't imagine how in the world I am going to manage getting kids ready some day - but that's another blog for another day.

As I said, I didn't make my bed today. When I got home from work, much to my dismay, I discovered my bed to be covered in leaves. I have a dog that uses a doggie door. Right now my back yard is covered in leaves. Therefore, when Cooper comes in, so do the leaves. My initial reaction to the leaves was one of frustration. But my frustration quickly turned to warm fuzzies as I began to think about little Cooper all snuggled up in my bed today while I was at work.

When I am at home, he likes to be in the same room as me. It doesn't matter what I am doing, or if he's sleeping or not - he just wants to be close. I guess being in my bed makes him feel close to me when I am away. It kind of reminds me of being a child - the one place kids always seem to feel the safest is in their parents' bed. I don't know why. I'm sure there is some psychological explanation for it, but it's beyond me. What I do know is that I feel the same way with God.

While I often wrestle with God in prayer over many things, I still find so much comfort in Him. Even though I don't always understand Him, I am humbled that He would allow someone as human as me to enter into His Presence. There is such peace there. Even in the midst of storms, there's just something about being in His Presence that lets you know it will all work out somehow.

I'll never forget my first plane ride. I was beyond mortified. With each tremor of turbulence, I was praying as hard as I could. The words were flowing through my mind faster than I could think them. And each new tremor would bring a new wave of beseeching. That was the only thing that kept me sane. I'm a LITTLE calmer in the air now, but not much. Each time I fly, I experience a whole new level of spirituality!

I am trying to make time every day to sit in God's presence, to experience that feeling of peace, comfort, joy and love. If you can relish it in the good times, it makes it easier to cherish in the bad times. Building a relationship and getting comfortable on His lap now will make that safe haven feel more like home when the storms come.

The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to Him and are safe.
-Proverbs 18:10

I've been having this weird feeling in my chest lately. I'm not going around doing the Fred Sanford or anything, but it does feel odd nonetheless. I just wanted to let someone know - if I don't show up at work tomorrow, can someone come check on me before the decomp smell embeds itself in the sheetrock and my family has difficulty re-selling the house? Thanks.

Now, on to bigger and better things. God led me to start reading the book of James this week. I am taking a different approach to reading than ever before. This time I am only reading a few verses a day, reading them multiple times, sometimes pulling out a couple of different commentaries, letting the verses sink in, and praying about them. I have been amazed at how each day the verses seem to coincide with something going on in my life.

Yesterday God convicted me about some things in my life that weren't honoring Him. I hadn't really given much thought to it before, but I knew I needed to confront them. Then I got to the verses about being tempted by your desires and that leading to death. THEN I got an email devotional from a guy who simply shares whatever God speaks to him each morning. Yesterday he said that God spoke to him about repentance and requiring pinpoint obedience. And that if people refused to repent they were going to enter into a long season of drought.

I was burdened all day until I dealt with it. After I did, I began to feel better. Then I came home tonight and lo and behold, "If you keep looking steadily into God's perfect law - the law that sets you free - and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it." (James 1:25)

I am amazed when God speaks to me. I am amazed that He would even want to. That amazement also fosters doubt that what I "hear" is even God. Knowing how human I am and how much I mess up every day, I think I sometimes have a hard time believing that even I could be privileged enough to have Him direct anything toward me. But looking back over the past 2 days - there is not doubt in my mind that He clearly communicates with us, puts things on our hearts, speaks to us through avenues other than the Bible, and uses everything in our spirits and in the world around us to lead us closer to Him.

I still have some other thorn bushes in my spirit that need dealing with, but I am confident that one victorious step toward obedience will lead to another and another and another. And I am reminded that He really does speak to me, and many of those times I have wondered about the "voice" really were Him. I don't know why we get so hung up in doubt sometimes. I guess Satan takes our feelings of unworthiness and uses them to make us believe we really are unworthy. But because of Jesus, I am worthy! Praise Him!

Rich and poor alike, we are all the same to God. He expects us to serve and honor Him, no matter what position we find ourselves in life.

Let the believer who is lowly boast in being raised up, and the rich in being brought low, because the rich will disappear like a flower in the field. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the field; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. It is the same way with the rich; in the midst of a busy life, they will wither away.
James 1:9-11 NRSV

At the time this was written, wealthy landowners in Palestine, as well as much of the Roman Empire, exploited the poor. Economic and social tensions raged even to the point of war and bloodshed. James was trying to teach Christians that their worth came not in the form of money, but rather from God's grace. The poor were to rejoice because God's grace exalted them. The rich were to rejoice because God's grace humbled them and brought them to a place beyond their wealth. God's grace levels the playing field.

In the United States, most of us would not consider ourselves rich. However, compared to the rest of the world, we are extremely wealthy. Whatever position you find yourself in today, approach it behind the veil of grace. If you are burdened with debt, barely able to make ends meet, remember that God's grace is above all that. If you are doing fairly well by the world's standards, remember that money is temporary and has no eternal value. Don't fall into the trap of elevating riches above grace. And if you find yourself somewhere in the middle, remember that life will fade and wither like a flower. Don't get lulled into such a sense of busyness that you wake up one day to see that life has passed you by. Make the most of wherever you are, always rejoicing that God's grace brings us all to the same place.

Well, my euphoric day of rest came to a screeching halt today. You guessed it. I returned to work. The only way I can adequately describe my job to someone who doesn't do it is this. Picture the Wall St trading floor just after the market has opened. That's pretty much the level of activity that goes on inside my office all day everyday. Were you to walk through, you might not see it displayed as prominently as Wall St, but it's there. Ours takes place in the form of emails, phone calls and the fabulous paperless environment in which we work. But, all in all, I gamble all day - just like the stock brokers. I make decisions that could cost us millions of dollars. I haggle over price, and even have to play the roles of teacher, defendant, collection agent, bully and investigator. It's a mad house, but it's like that every day, so I've gotten pretty used to it. And secretly, I even enjoy it sometimes.

But today, one of my agents called me and told me that he was disappointed in our company, which was a kind way of saying he was disappointed in me. To his credit, I had dropped the ball because I am so overloaded right now. I missed a chance to book two good accounts and lost a good chunk of money. That I can live with, but having one of my best agents tell me I had disappointed him just killed me. He could have ripped my heart out with a dull knife and it wouldn't have hurt any less.

I've been thinking about this whole situation a lot today. As I mentioned in my last post, our sermon from Sunday was about slowing down, not biting off more than we can chew, and getting over our need to be perfect. Col 3:23 was discussed, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." Some people are burdened by this verse, citing it as the source for their drive to perfectionism.

On the other hand, read further into verse 24, "since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." This is what holds the key for me. My perfectionism is driven by a need to please others and be rewarded by others. Of course I want to please God too, but so often my humanity takes over, my pride and competitive spirit rage forth and I find myself caught up in the rat race. I believe that striving for excellence is something we should do as a means to honor and glorify God. But when that push to excel becomes about us rather than Him, we've missed the mark. When the reward we are striving for is no longer an inheritance from Him, it's time we take a step back and refocus.

So today, I will take a deep breath and slow down. A little mental yoga never hurts. Yes, I dropped the ball. No, I'm not perfect. But is my focus going to be on doing the very best, honest job I can do for God while being a good example to my co-workers, or will I focus on this flickering light in my bright shining star of pride?

Deep breath. Awmmm. Awmmm. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Awmmm. Awmmm.

Well, I've been a little scattered to the wind lately. We left last Wednesday to spend Thanksgiving holidays with the family in Florence. When we go to Florence, we always stay with my grandparents. Somehow I always end up sleeping in the strangest of places. With all of the beds occupied, I either find myself on the couch (which is too short), in a recliner or on the floor. My grandfather is the Gadget King of the Southeast, and he has an inflatable mattress that I have also tried. Only problem is, the mattress has a slow leak, so by morning the mattress has deflated itself.

This year I went to Linens -N- Things and bought my own blow-up mattress, twin size, with a little pump and everything. It was interesting. This one had no leak, so it stayed inflated all night. I think I may have inflated it a little too much. It was so tight that you could bounce a quarter across the room on that thing. It was a little like sleeping on a beach ball. If I moved my feet, my head would bounce. By the third night, I had started to adjust, but alas, it was time to come home.

The Friday after Thanksgiving I took my dad shopping. This was his first time to experience Black Friday. I tried to tell him that we needed to be out and about by 5am, but he was foursquare against it. So we arrived at Kohl's at 7:15. It took each of us approximately 15 minutes to find what we came for, and we got in line to check out. At 9:00 we finally reached the cashier. He was appalled. I tried to tell him. People go crazy on Black Friday. It's like a full moon or something. You risk life and limb to save a dime. Actually, we calculated that we saved $1 per minute that we waited in line. Either way, it's a mad, mad world.

Yesterday my parents came over and helped me drag the Christmas decorations down out of the attic. We put up trees and strung lights. We even put some lights in the bushes out front. It was a good time. In the process, I also got to meet my new neighbors for the first time. I am ashamed to say that they have lived next door to me for a few months now, and this is the first time we have met. They seem sweet. A newlywed couple. It's sad to me that we have become so seclusive as a society. Even among families, gatherings seem to be smaller and less often.

I watched a few minutes of Diary of Mad Black Woman yesterday, and was touched by the scene where Madea is on house arrest and the family is having a BBQ in her front yard. Kids running everywhere, people dancing. I long for a community spirit like that, whether it's in the form of a biological family or simply a gathering of close friends and neighbors. I can remember growing up, we spent so much time with family. We were always at each other's houses. Every Mother's Day, we all descended on my great-grandmother's house. There would probably be 40 people spilling out into the yard. Kids everywhere. It was great. We've moved so far from that place in our society.

Speaking of seclusion, today I had what I call a "me" day. I spent the entire day hanging out with myself, celebrating me and relaxing. Today is my birthday. I slept late, got a facial, pedicure and mini massage. I blasted praise music in the car, browsed at the camera shop, bought myself a present, and took a nap. All in all, it was a fantastic birthday. I feel refreshed and renewed.

Yesterday's sermon at church was about taking a Sabbath for ourselves, slowing down, saying no, etc. I have been so frazzled lately, going to Atlanta and back several times this month, being backlogged at work, eating unhealthy crap, letting the housework slide. Today has been so nice. No fast pace, no one asking me a million questions, no demands. I have even decided that I am going to attempt to fast from TV from now until Christmas. I believe TV only adds to my stress because it allows me to waste so much time. I want today to be like my own personal "new year's day." I guess for me is, it truly is! This year I am going to try to take better care of myself. I'll make no grand proclamations, because I always seem to fall short of those. But I discovered today that I actually enjoy me. I enjoy hanging out with me. I'm fun to be around! I deserve to be taken care of and treated well. And I owe it to others to give more of myself.

Maybe this year will be about the quest for balance. Seclusion does have its place, but service does as well. This year I hope to learn new ways of focusing on myself, while fine-tuning my ability to focus on others in a healthy, unselfish way.

Well, here we are. The night our country celebrates Satan by dressing their children like demon-possessed cartoon characters. The one night of the year society deems it acceptable to allow our children to roam the streets going from house to house begging for food. The night where those that choose not to participate must stow away in their homes, sitting in the dark watching TV with the subtitles turned on so as not to tip off the children that they're actually in there - eating all the good candy themselves.

Speaking of death, destruction and all things dark - I saw the movie Saw 3 the other day. Despite the fact that the very first thing you hear is the "F" word repeated 3 or 4 times, I actually walked away from this movie with a spiritual object lesson. The movie is an elaborate lesson in forgiveness. I won't ruin it for you - but I was amazed at what this movie made me stop and ponder regarding forgiveness, grudges, vengeance and anger. While they say holding a grudge/refusing to forgive hurts you more than the other person - I still think that is true, but this movie is almost like a jagged sermon on forgiveness. And if you've seen any of the Saw movies, you know that they always make you stop and consider whether or not you are living life to the full. I would recommend you check them out - but do so with caution. They aren't exactly Focus on the Family films...

I know that cavemen still roamed the earth the last time I posted (sorry, Geico). To be perfectly blunt, I've been too self-absorbed and had too much tunnel vision to write much of anything lately. Life seems to go in cycles for me. It's like one tornadic whirlwind after another with periods of calmness in between. Lately it's been more like a consistently irritating strong breeze rather than a tornado - but enough activity to blow papers onto the floor. I feel like my mantra is "if I can just make it to (insert day, week or month of choice here)." I guess that's the whole of life. We run in circles all frantic over stuff that won't even matter a year from now. We put off dinner with friends or family. We skip church or prayer/Bible study time. We eat sludge in styrofoam containers because we are too tired to eat healthy. I guess I get a little contemplative when the end of each year rolls around and wonder what purpose I have served. Have I merely been yet another drain on the planet's oxygen supply or has someone benefited from my existence?

My friend Benny used to call me and ask, "What have you done for the planet lately? How has the earth and your world benefited by your existence?" I can't count how many of our conversations began that way. Sometimes he would just be messing with me, and sometimes he would make me answer. Even though he was (and still is) crazy, and was kidding around most of the time, that has always stuck with me. I often find myself asking people at work if they've done anything productive today, etc. I love having people in my life who stretch my thinking and challenge me - no matter how silly they may be. I haven't seen ol' Benny in a while. He's off being a youth minister these days, probably warping the minds of many a teenager. I can say with certainty, they will never be the same, and they will be better off for having known him. He certainly pushed the artist in me. I sure do miss that.

I guess the question is, will I consider the past year and make a hollow vow to live more vibrantly in the next or will I put my money where my daydreams and reflections are and actually get my metaphorical paint brushes wet?

Blessings

Today was so full of blessings that I just had to share...

1. I woke up this morning - alive, able to walk/see/hear, in a cozy bed under a non-leaking roof
2. I had hot water in the shower
3. I had electricity to iron the clothes I was lucky enough to have
4. I passed a big insurance test this morning
5. I had a job to go to today
6. When I got to work, I had 106 emails waiting for me and tons of work backed up from me being on vacation last week - job security
7. I was able to eat lunch with 2 friends
8. I got to talk to a friend from Florida that I rarely get to see
9. I laughed more than once today
10. I was able to drive home from work with my windows down because it was cool enough outside
11. I cranked up the radio and blasted some good hip hop and heavy metal tunes on the way home, with my windows down and hair flying all over the place
12. I saw sunbeams in the sky, which is a special thing between me and God that means He was just thinking of me and wanted to send me a little love note
13. I had a home to come home to at the end of the day
14. My dog was excited to see me when I got here
15. I enjoyed a nice little chat with my neighbor. We both pondered why my grass is dying. I have grass to die
16. My house is nice and cool because I have air conditioning
17. I am going to have chocolate cake for dinner
18. I just got to talk to my ex-roomie on the phone
19. My dog is standing with his 2 front paws on the arm of my chair, wagging his tail and wanting me to play with him
20. I am going to get to spend some awesome time with God tonight - just me & Him
21. You are reading this and will stop to think about all the things that blessed you today

The end and the beginning

Well, several of you have asked me for updates on the big move... We survived with minimal bloodshed. Okay, so there was no bloodshed. Things actually went pretty well - except for the U-Haul truck rental. I almost made the news at that place. We got there promptly at 8:00 AM (the time they were supposed to open). By the time 8:30 rolls around I was beyond livid. The yahoo that runs the place comes strolling up 30 minutes late as if he's living in a Disney movie with animated blue birds dancing and singing around his head. Little did he know he was stepping into more of a Friday the 13th kind of environment.

By the time he shows, there are 3 angry women waiting for him. Yet he remains "clueless," which is an entirely different debatable topic all together (I've discovered that men take classes when they are 14 to fine tune the art of the passive fight. They are somehow able to look you right in the face at the most heated climax of an argument, shrug, and act completely unaffected and disinterested. Aaaahhhhhh.) Anyway, this guy was valedictorian of that class. He bops around like the Easter bunny, turning on his computer, getting settled. Then came the pinnacle. In the middle of the rental process, he turns on the TV.

In completely American Psycho style, I morph into fantasy mode and imagine myself leaping across the desk, taking Yahoo by the throat and banging his head into the putrid paneled wall behind him. Alas, I was not able to remain in fantasyland for long. I decided it would be better for me not to speak. I was so angry that I feared turning into Julia Sugarbaker if I allowed even one word to escape. BTW, did I mention that he reserved the wrong truck for us? Yes, we reserved a 14 footer, but got a 10' instead. Don't get me started.

Whew. Sorry for the rant.

So the move went well. I have been busy re-arranging, painting, cleaning and throwing stuff away. Now I can run and leap through the house like a true Broadway star - singing at the top of my lungs if I like. What fun! And the room, my goodness the room! Ahhh. I am in the process of setting up my studio. I am hoping to get backdrops and lights this week. YEAAAH!

I am on vacation this week and am having a blast, but I know I must crack down and inject some discipline very soon. I do believe that this new leg of my journey is a specific time of preparation that God intends to use to teach me some new things I will need for my future. While I am enjoying the new freedom, I must be careful not to waste it - which would be so easy to do with no one to hold me accountable. Unfortunately discipline has never been my strong suit - so I am going to have to make it a daily focus. I know that a lot of spiritual hard work lies ahead, but the growth and benefits of it will be astronomical. I can't wait to see what this new chapter brings!

How to use the left lane...

OK people, obviously we need a refresher course. For all the fruit loops out there who find it necessary to jump into the left lane on the freeway (or ANY 4+ lane road for that matter) and kick on the cruise control doing 20 mph less than the speed limit, this is for you (I have hi-lited the sections that may have some of you confused)...


(Click on the text to enlarge)












If you need further assistance, this was taken directly from the Alabama Driver Manual. PLEASE click on the link and print a copy. While you are whippin' down the interstate at a whopping 38 mph, maybe you can squeeze in a read...






















For manuals from states other than Alabama, go here.

The Office

In case you haven't heard, the Office won a well deserved Emmy last night for Outstanding Comedy Series. And in case you didn't know, the guy standing next to Steve Carell is B.J. Novak (who plays Ryan the intern) and he is one of the writers for the show...

















Unfortunately Steve Carell lost the award for best actor in a comedy series, but he is still hilarious!! We still love you, Steve!







My all time fave episode is where he steps on the George Foreman grill and burns his foot. Too funny!!





















And the sweetest love story EVER continues on September 21st! Click here to watch the preview. Oh, it melts my heart!! When Jim & Pam kissed last season, I jumped off the couch like a football fan watching a touchdown in the last 5 seconds of the game!! (Okay, so I need to get out more.)

The Big Move

Approximately 2 1/2 years ago, my dear friend Stacye (aka 'the Sister') moved in with me and my other roommate. Stacye and I can both be very obstinate (I'm sure my parents will offer a hearty 'Amen' to that one...). In the course of the last move, there were a few moments when the Sister and I wondered if either of us would make it out alive.

If you've ever moved, you know it is a stressful, emotional and potentially volatile time. At one point during the last move, there was a moment when all the stress and tension came boiling to the surface and the Sister and I stood inches apart like referee and coach, engaged in a heated discussion about what to place on the truck next. My mother had to step in and break us apart. We stomped off to the U-Haul, got in together, huffed and screeched off for our destination.

While unloading boxes at the second destination, I accidentally hit the Sister in the butt with a box while she was bent over doing who knows what. That force propelled her head first into the room of boxes. She came up fighting like a wildcat. By this time, I was so tired that everything was hilarious...so I started laughing. That only made matters worse.

We did have to go through an adjustment phase, but it all worked out. We've lived together for about 2 1/2 years, and now she is moving out. The big move is Saturday, and we can already feel the tension beginning to mount. We were laughing about it tonight as we sat amongst the tornado that is our home. Boxes and 'stuff' is piled everywhere. I think the anticipation of the mountain that lies ahead has us on edge. Who knows, there could be a body bag in someone's future.

Please pray for us this weekend. More importantly - pray for the poor unsuspecting souls that are coming to help us move. Then again, maybe a live WWF match right on the front lawn will provide high entertainment for everyone.

Photos

As most of you know, I am playing around with photography. Mostly just for fun. But I recently entered some photos in a little contest at the local photography club here in town, and one of them actually won "Honorable Mention." I feel pretty puffed up for this to be my first contest and all! I am getting ready to set up a studio at home in a couple of weeks, so if you're ever at the house, maybe you can see my little ribbon!

I just joined the photography club a couple of weeks ago, and I just set up my gallery on-line under the club's web-site. Most of the pictures are also on my other blog, but there are a few new ones here. Feel free to check it out if you like. I'm pretty excited about my new club and my new gallery! And I would LOVE your feedback, even if you think my work sucks! Practice makes perfect, and some good critiques can help push me in the right direction - so I welcome your comments.

My latest X File

Alas, I am home from yet another trip to the big city. I went to Atlanta last week for a class (total snorzville). I did, however, get to stay in the Westin. My yes, I felt quite hoity toity to be able to slumber under the watchful eye of the King and Queen... actually, it was more like "hillbilly circus come to town". Or maybe that movie Big Business with Lily Tomlin and Bette Midler. Yeah, that was us.

We pulled into the hotel in our sweet ride (Olds 88 with cracked windshield and paint chipped off the bumper - no offense, Jamie! My windshield is cracked too...). Being the high falutin' kind, we barreled right up to the front door. We jumped out in total Beverly Hillbilly style and started unloadin' our lives right onto the curb. The valet and bellmen stood aghast as we laid out pillows, bags of crackers and hair curlers - lookin' like we were prepared to withstand any sort of nuclear, seismic or weather-related disaster. The bellman brought over a luggage cart, and I started to load that thing like a girl straight off the farm. When we were done, Jamie went to "self-park" the car. No valet for us. We're from Alabama. We don't trust no big city slickers with our goods, no sir. Plus they wanted $12 a night to valet. I mean, were they planning to sleep in the car - give me a break.

As Jamie is off parking the car somewhere, I proceed into the hotel. As I turn to go, I grab the luggage cart and start heaving and huffing trying to get the thing rollin'. With a look of total astonishment and disbelief, James (the bellman), tells me that he will bring it up to the room for us. I stand there a moment, somewhat startled. Again, you want me to leave a box full of my panties and haircurlers out here on the curb and trust that you will bring them to me? Reluctantly, I turned and went inside. It's only then that I realize there are other people gathered outside the hotel.

While we were performing our hillbilly circus act, there were several people draped in black, wearing pointy-toed Prada's, and holding their Paris Hilton knock-off dogs under one arm. I'm sure they all stormed the desk immediately after our departure to demand a refund, not having been told there was a hick convention in town. Dahling.

As for the class, it was a total bore. I sat each day in a sea of golf shirts and sleepy eyes. We listened as hard as we could to the speaker lecture about various insurance topics. What can I say - unless you actually demonstrate a loss by setting something on fire, there ain't a whole lot you can do to make insurance interesting for eight hours a day. Luckily, I only did the sleepy head jerk thing a couple of times. And this year, no one fell out of their chair - so I'd call it a success!

Each night after class, we went out on the town. One night we met a friend of mine and went to some Fish Bowl or Goldfish restaurant. Here we are in this nice, upscale restaurant, complete with white linen napkins and they have some guy singing "Baby Got Back" lounge lizard style accompanied by the house piano. It seemed fitting that this should be the evening I try sushi for the first time. They tried to get me to use the chopsticks, but I told them that unless they expected me to spear the sushi, I had to go with the old stand-by fork. Anyway, I dipped it in the soy sauce and shoved the whole thing in as instructed. Something about the chemical make-up of the sushi mixed with my saliva caused the fish to grow and grow. The more I chewed, the more it grew. The more it grew, the more sensitive my gag reflex became. Not to worry - my Momma taught me well. If I can politely choke down tapioca at a church member's house, I can get down some sushi in a public place if I have to. But man, was it hard. Mind over matter, I was finally able to swallow it. No thanks, Fear Factor - been there, done that.

We also found a chocolate factory while we were there. Hallelujah! The minute you opened the door, it smelled like heaven. They made all kinds of things there, chocolate in almost any shape you can imagine. They even made champagne glasses, high-heeled shoes and baby carriages, not to mention little boxes with lids and chocolate dipped oreos. Can I get an Amen? I am contacting them to see about having a chocolate casket made for me when I pass.

All in all, it was a fairly uneventful trip. Truth be told, it was probably much more colorful in my own mind than in reality. Then again, life typically seems to follow that pattern for me.

A four letter word called Pride

The past few days God has been revealing to me the tremendous amount of pride I have living in me. For years, even since childhood, I have always been somewhat of a leader. My mind spins in a million directions at once. I am constantly churning out one idea after another. Speeches and phrases constantly float around inside my head and often roll off my tongue. From my youth, I have been one to throw out ideas, get the gang fired up, and get the ball rolling. Either my ideas are so stellar, my delivery is so inspiring or my personality is so charismatic that people are immediately entranced or they are all scared to death to offer any opposing ideas. Either way, I get my way - so who cares, right?

On the surface, all of this creativity and leadership business may seem like a gifting of some sort. These talents may reside within, but it is the condition of the heart - the home of the almighty motive - that is the problem. Recently, I ran into this brick wall at work. I was working on a project that was rather illogical, ridiculous and archaic - in my opinion. I threw in my two cents to no avail. I could hold my breath until my face turned blue, but it won't matter. This time I don't get my way. I was amazed at how much that bothered me.

This incident launched an indepth examination of the heart for me. While that exam is still in progress, I have already learned some very valuable things about myself. One is my difficulty with pride and submission. I like to be in control and I want to come out shiny and smellin' good on the other side. And if people want to admire me and rave about how wonderful I am, so be it. The problem is I am supposed to be living my life for God's glory - not mine. Oh yeah, that.

The deeper I delve into this subject, the more God reveals to me. He has shown me how rebellious, self-centered, and stubborn I am. Delayed gratification is a four letter word to me (my checkbook and weight are only a few of the physical manifestations of that one). I admit it. I like to be admired. I love complements. I want my very own pedestal. Man, is that hard to swallow. I look at my dreams and desires for the future, and I question every single one. Do I hope to someday become a writer or have a speaking ministry for God's glory or for mine? How do I expect to be submissive to my husband when I cannot submit to God? What makes me think I can be faithful to a husband when I cannot be faithful to God with my thoughts? The questions go on and on.

As I read Proverbs 31 and sit in awe of this woman, I am intrigued by the end of the chapter. After 17 verses describing what a Superwoman this chick is, verse 28 says her children and husband bless her and praise her. Verse 31 says, "Let her deeds publicly declare her praise." And I wonder how she reconciles her abilities and accomplishments with her heart - is pride not an issue for her? Then I read the end of verse 30, "...a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." Ahh.

I wonder what I have feared more - God or the opinions and acceptance of others? I so long to use the talents and gifts God has given me to enrich the lives of others and to do it all for God's glory. Yet I so often find my own glory getting in the way. I pray that God will give me a spirit of humility and a holy reverent fear of Him. I have been afraid to pray for God to break my pride because I don't particularly relish the idea of what that may involve, but I know it is absolutely necessary. So I ask you to join me in that prayer. Pray it for me. If you struggle with this as well, speak up and we'll pray for you too!

BTW if you see me standing naked on the interstate or witness me somehow being called out in the middle of Sunday morning worship or something worse, please bear with me as you will know God is performing an embalming of sorts on my prideful spirit!

Buck Naked Faith

OK. I have to tell you about a new book I am reading. The name of it is "Buck Naked Faith." (Sorry for all you pervs who happened upon this post as a result of a misguided word search...) I am only 17 pages in, and already I'm hooked. The book opens with this statement, "Sex with a stranger wasn't supposed to end this way." You think that's intriguing? The story that follows is AMAZING. I was breathless after I read it. Won't tell you why - read it yourself.

Yes, this is a Christian book that takes a deep look into all the crap that stunts our spiritual growth. The first chapter that I mentioned previously is so thought provoking - it alone is worth the price of the book.

Here are some tiny nibbles from another passage:

"One of my deepest temptations is to practice a lifestyle that appears to be a faithful friendship with Christ but really isn't. To be a Cheese Puff Christian - lots of volume but little substance. Cheese Puffs take up space in the bowl, but crush them and you're lucky to get a tablespoon of substance out of them..."

"Have I measured the genuineness of my faith by how well I'm performing, or by how well Jesus and I are doing? Am I willing to admit that in a world of marshmallow spirituality my faith and relationship with Jesus the Master may be lacking? Something in my spirit keeps crying out, 'There must be more!'"

"Sometimes moments of tension are actually God's grace leading us to a crisis of decision."

The book starts off talking about walking the walk. Are we really who we say we are? I won't ruin the book for you, but so far I'm sold!! He is hitting my target square on. I so desperately want something more, something deeper. To be the real thing. Umm Umm Good Stuff!!

I am also reading Blue Like Jazz. I'm only about 19 pages into this one, but it rocks! I'll give you more details on that one next time. I suddenly have a stack of books to read. I admit, I have a problem. I am a book junkie. If you recommend a good book to me, in my quest to purchase it - I will probably also buy 4 others. That's what happened to me a week or so ago. But, hey. It's like Christmas in July for me. I order my books from Amazon.com and then get little packages in the mail. What fun!!

Happy Birthday Momma!!

Today is my mom's birthday. I hate to have to tell you this, but I have the best mom in the world. I know most people grow up thinking their's is the best, but sorry - I actually got the true blue, genuine, A-1, first-rate best mom on the planet. None can top her.







This is mom in 1970 in Japan. What a hottie!

Happy birthday Momma!!!! I love you (even though you gave me your middle name!).

Boys and their toys

I have to say, men crack me up. I love how silly they can be. It always brings a smile to my face to see how grown men act just like little kids when they have something electronic, shiny, loud or fast in their possession. And if you can add fire or an explosion - all the better. I love the look that creeps across their face as their eyes widen and the grin slowly begins to form, right before they start nodding their heads and say, "Cool!" I love how crude they can be (truthfully, they are only saying what all the girls are really thinking but are too 'ladylike' to say). I love their sense of adventure, and the fact that they don't care (or even notice) if someone else is dressed like them. Most of all, I love the fact that their adventurous spirit knows nothing of age. I have seen a grandpa's eyes sparkle with fascination when presented with a new "toy."

Recently a good friend of mine emailed me to make sure I knew the new XBox SEC College Football game had come out. I don't even have an XBox. He was so excited that he left work at lunch to go pick his copy up from the store (a copy that he pre-ordered months ago, I'm sure). He then told me about how his best friend (grown man, married with 3 kids) had come to town one weekend and they spent half the weekend playing with his new "toys." He just purchased some ginormous TV. He also has a killer surround sound system that makes the walls shake. I can just picture these 2 grown men sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of this huge TV like 2 little boys. And it brings a smile to my face.

Ladies, I know we may not get as excited about fast cars, 60 inch TVs, massive stereo systems or explosives like the guys do - but we could stand to learn a thing or two from them. Sometimes, we just need to throw our hair in ponytails, forget the make-up and perfume and just go sniff out some adventure (all too often, our adventure consists of plotting to find the perfect man...). Throw caution to the wind every once in a while. Run through your neighbors sprinklers. Play a video game. Blow something up (in a completely controlled environment, of course). Sometimes we just need to let go and surrender to our inner child.

If you are sitting at home wondering why your man hasn't called, it's probably because he's out lighting something on fire with his buddies and time has escaped him. Oh, one more thing...I would also suggest you learn a thing or two about a small brown spherical object that is slightly pointed on each end and flies through the air. For some reason, this mystical creature emerges in the Fall and is worshipped by millions. Small charismatic house churches are formed all over the country in celebration of its existence. There are dance moves, chants, sometimes even spiritual bursts of exuberance, and a whole new language that must be learned in order to join this sect - but there must be something to it. It can evoke more emotion from a man than 20 Lifetime movies put together.

Ah, yes. Men. They are a magical lot. Simple observance of them is adventure in and of itself. Thank you, guys, for making us laugh and keeping life interesting. We love you just the way you are (and remember, we are always here if you ever want to talk about your feelings...)!

(This is me and my friend Ronnie. We were making mud-pies. I don't know if I was trying to domesticate him or if he was trying to ungirlify me...)

Where was I?

I had no idea how easily distracted I am until a few minutes ago when I had to leave the computer to go look for a serial killer.

Let me explain. I am sitting at my computer, and I hear the "beep beep beep" sound that my alarm system makes when an exterior door in my house is opened. My roommate is out shopping, so no one should be coming in. Mildly concerned, I get up from my desk, assume the "let's go check for serial killers" stance, and proceed to walk through the house.

Luckily, I found no serial killers - however, here's what I did find. A pile of videos in the middle of the hallway. 5 or 6 shopping bags in the middle of the living room floor. My DVD player sitting there with the tray open, no DVD.

Backtrack with me a moment. I went shopping this morning with a friend. I came home from shopping, and dropped a bunch of bags on the living room floor. My plan was to sit down and wrap some gifts. I decided to pop in a movie to watch while wrapping. I got up, ejected a movie from the DVD player and went into the hallway looking for a new selection. As I looked, somehow I decided I needed to weed out my movie collection and toss some in the yard sale pile. After doing this, my DVD shelf had more room and some of the shelves needed to be re-arranged. I got up to come into my office to look for the extra little brackety things you use to adjust the height level of the shelves. I didn't find them, so I decided to sit down and check my email. Somehow I ended up blog surfing and here I am. The trail of unfinished projects I left behind is still winding through the house (and I still haven't found the little brackety things).

I'm always joking with my friends who have children and telling them that I probably shouldn't be allowed to have kids. I can barely get myself out the door with all my clothes on (and on time, no less) - much less with someone else to worry about. I hate to think what today's scene might look like if I did have kids. I can just see one of them all soaped up in the tub - turning all wrinkly because I left to get a towel and ended up re-arranging the living room furniture.

So Melannie, when was it that you needed me to watch Emily for you?

True Worship

I have to tell you about a worship experience I had the other night. I went to a contemporary praise & worship service at a local church with a few friends. They had a band, big screens with the words to songs on them, smoke machines, the works. While it was all good, it faded into the background when I noticed the most beautiful angels sitting on the row in front of us.

We sat maybe four rows from the front. The row in front of us was inhabited by one family - what appeared to be a single dad and three daughters, all spread out. The lights were dim, music was loud, everyone was singing, a few were even dancing. Several shouted "Hallelujahs" from the rows in the back. As we stood to sing, I looked down and the youngest child had fallen asleep with her head in her father's lap. She had the most beautiful, sweet expression of complete peace on her face. How she could sleep in the midst of all the noise is beyond me. But there she was, completely out of place with the environment around her. Her father gently stroked her hair as he sang. And I worshipped in that moment. Pure love exhibited so clearly right before my eyes.

As the evening rolled on, the music never got quieter - only slower. Before long, I noticed another of the daughters. She was sitting close to the end of the row, a little separated from her older sister. She couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 years old. A white bow in her hair that could have been angels wings. One of her hands was malformed, it looked as if it had not developed properly. At one point during some song that I can't recall, she clasped her tiny little hands together - one healthy and normal, the other withered and misshapen. She clasped those perfect little hands together and bowed her head. No one had prompted her to do this. Everyone else was still singing. And there she was. And I worshipped in that moment. Pure unadulterated worship displayed right before my very eyes.

Oh, God definitely showed up that night. But it wasn't in the worship leader or the praise team. Not in the smoke machines or the fancy screens. I couldn't even tell you what the pastor spoke about. But those 2 little angels right there in our midst - that's where I saw Him. It was so vivid, so alive. His presence was so powerful, that the guitars, drums and keyboards all faded into the background. And all I could hear was the brush of angels wings mingled with the sounds of children's laughter. You know - the sound smiles make that can only be heard by the heart.

Salad Shooter days

Sometimes life is a Salad Shooter and you are the veggie. My recent grand proclamation of rest was followed by one of the worst weeks I've had in a while. All hell broke loose at work. I almost lost $2.4 million. We had a Home Office audit (aka a week long root canal and/or rectal exam). My dog had a barfing spell. And the brakes on my car went on the fritz.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That week just made me tired. Luckily I had a 4 day weekend over the 4th. The rest I had planned for the week prior did finally come. Funnily enough, now I am so well rested that I can't sleep at night.

Taking a step back and looking at life on this earth from a broad brush perspective, we all have Salad Shooter days, weeks, months or even years. I know that one won't be my last. But it's all part of life. And somewhere along the way, God uses it all to make a tasty salad or slaw that will bring glory to Him.

When Joseph's brothers threw him in the pit in Genesis 37, I'm sure he wasn't thinking, "Oh boy! I am about to be sold into slavery. Woo Hoo!" And so he was pressed through the blades of life. While he did come out on the other side a kaleidoscopic version of his former self, he was the better for it in the end. He recognizes this in Genesis 50:20 when he tells his brothers, " You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done..."

Rather than working through difficult times, seeking to learn what we can or looking with hope to see how God might use our trials, so often we get stuck between the blades focusing on our plight - never going anywhere. Maybe the sounds of our groanings echoing off the walls of the blender become some twisted form of comfort like the wooshy wub wub sounds of the womb. Who knows. But if we set up housekeeping in the blades of the Salad Shooter, wallowing in our troubles, never learning or growing from them - we will begin to stank like rotten cabbage.

Maybe we will continue to go through the grinder until we are ground as fine as sand. If that is the consistency we need to be in order to fit God's recipe for us, then probably so. Avoiding the process altogether won't do us any good either. An uncut head of lettuce sitting in the middle of the salad bowl doesn't do anyone any good (and it makes the host look a little crazy). Truthfully, I'm not sure we could avoid those blender times even if we wanted to. Much of what makes those times so cutting is the lack of control we feel, or the injustice we suffered that placed us there in the first place.

Whether you're dodging the blades at the bottom of the blender, being slung out of the Shooter and into the bowl, or getting a little slimy from hiding under a blade, it doesn't always feel like these circumstances will be used for God's glory. But I would like to leave you with these verses from the Message Bible:
"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner." -1 Peter 4:12-13

Have hope. Be of good cheer. God has a plan, and He is not asleep!

Noisy Clutter

I recently attended a wedding for my cousin in Memphis, TN. At the reception, they had an awesome band playing. People were dancing, laughing, talking, mingling. The lights were low, and the ambiance was perfect. While the setting was amazing, it got me to thinking about the low lighting and noise in my life.

Anytime you wanted to talk to someone at this reception, you almost had to shout to be heard, many times having to repeat yourself. This can become frustrating after a while, almost to the point of discouraging communication. My daily life so often parallels this situation.

I have reached a point where I feel like I need to wipe the slate clean and start over. Spring cleaning, yard sale season, whatever. I have too many things going on. Too many outside forces pulling me in different directions. Too many loose ends on the worldly side of things. After this wedding, I began thinking about all the noise in my life. It seems I have so many distractions that I cannot hear the One True Voice that matters most - God.

I have decided to curtail TV, spending, unhealthy eating, worldly relationships, and inefficient rest for one week. Lately it seems life has become so self-indulgent, so rushed, so competitive that I am running in circles and going nowhere. I told someone today that I was crispy around the edges and singed from the burn-out I was suffering. I need to take a step back, rid myself of all the noise and have a "cleansing" if you will. I wouldn't call it a big "fast" per se, just a break. A time to refocus and clear my head.

When I am truly connected to God and can hear the whisper of His voice, it is the sweetest sound ever to grace my ears. He has awakened me in the middle of the night before to tell me to read something from His word. He has splashed sunbeams across the sky just for me because that's something special we share. He sings to me on the radio and ministers to me through the birds of the air. This world is alive with the sound of His voice, the rustle of the leaves as He passes by, the gentle breeze that carries his laughter. Oh how I miss Him.

When I allow my life to become cluttered with too much junk, it is like a teenager listening to heavy metal music in their bedroom. It rattles the walls of the entire house, damages their hearing, and no one can communicate with them. I wonder how tired God must be of trying to talk to me above the noise. How many glimpses of beauty and grace have I missed because I was off head-banging in my room?

Not saying there's anything wrong with a little heavy metal from time to time. It's a part of life. But too much leaves one dusty and dry. I miss the plush refreshment of peace that washes over you when you are in close communion with Him. I have simply let myself get too caught up in the mundane and unimportant. Now I am out here trying to drink the sand in the desert. It's no good. So I am embarking on a journey of refreshment. I am going to try to steer clear of the computer for a week or so....so I'll let you know how it goes!

Asleep on the Battlefield

Today I was in Atlanta driving on I285. If you know anything about Atlanta, you know that 285 is the "Bypass" also known as the "Perimeter." On a map, it is the big circle around Atlanta. All of the 18-wheelers are supposed to take this route rather than driving 85 straight through the city. While I'm not wild about zipping my little car in and out of traffic between those giant trucks, I do it anyway. Today as I was making that drive, I could barely stay awake. I have been on the go so much lately that I am near exhaustion. Sleep has not been plentiful in several weeks now, and the monotony of driving sometimes puts me right out.

As I was driving today, I kept having to sing, shake my head, turn up the AC, and anything else I could think of to stay awake. It occurred to me that this scenario is a parallel to my spiritual life many days. As I am whizzing through traffic, I am constantly surrounded by danger and near-death experiences. Yet I am on the verge of sleep.

How many times have I become complacent in my walk with God, that temptation will creep up on me and surround me? How sleepy have I become that I am caught up in the things of this world and swept away before I realize it? How many dangerous and potentially fatal things have I allowed the Enemy to position right beside me?

Today, I was in that condition for several reasons. One, I was physically exhausted. I've been going and doing too much. I haven't given my body a chance to recharge. It's no wonder that I am falling asleep at the wheel. Two, I had been traveling the same path with nothing fresh and new for some time. Three, I was traveling alone. No one to talk to. The same is true for our walk with God.

We become so busy with other things, even church things that we do not take time to revive ourselves physically or spiritually. This sets us up for falling prey to temptation and weakens our resistance. Second, we often get stuck in a spiritual rut - never experiencing God in new ways. Worshipping Him in a different setting or stepping out of our comfort zone to serve someone can wake us up and give us a fresh perspective and energy. Finally, we were not meant to walk alone. It is so easy to stray from the path when we have no one beside us to keep us motivated, encouraged and accountable.

A few weeks ago, there was a fatal accident on 285 in Atlanta. A UPS truck (18 wheeler) and a van had pulled over to the shoulder - broken down. A UPS mechanic was under the truck working on it. Another 18 wheeler came along and plowed right into the truck, killing the mechanic. The driver had fallen asleep and had not even slowed down. On the news, you could not even recognize the truck that had been hit because it was completely destroyed.

When we fall asleep at the spiritual wheel, we not only run the risk of wrecking our own lives, we also put others in danger. We are called to be a light to the world. We are called to encourage one another. As ministers of God, we cannot afford to become lazy and complacent. We may be the only Jesus some people will ever see. If we are careening down a path of destruction, we run the risk of taking others with us by example or simply running them over with our blindness.

We all need to get some rest and revive physically and spiritually. I was once told that sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap. I couldn't agree more. Not only do we need to slow down as a society, we also need to hush up. Rest and relaxation can go hand in hand with quiet meditation.

We all need a change of scenery. Shake things up a bit. God is not one sided and intends for us to see Him from many angles. Put your "3D glasses" on and look for Him in a new way.

And like the "after school specials" commercials - it's always safer and more fun to travel with friends. We weren't meant to navigate this journey alone. So load up the station wagon before you head out tomorrow...

So be on your guard, not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be sober.
-1 Thess 5:6

Encourage each other and build each other up...
-1 Thess 5:11a

To Believe or Not Believe...

I can't tell you how many times I have either heard or made the statement, "I wish God would just tell me ______." Or "Why can't God me more clear on _______." Then there's "I think God is telling me _______, but I don't know if that's Him or something I just cooked up in my own mind. I sure wish He would send me some sort of confirmation." Often we seem to seek the road map rather than the Father.

In Genesis 15, God told Abraham that he would have a son. This is clearly something Abraham had longed for, something that he desired. It wasn't a bad desire. Yet it went unfulfilled, unanswered for quite some time. In verse 4, God simply tells Abraham it would come to pass. No time table, no map, no itinerary - just a simple statement of fact. Abraham's reaction here is key. "Abraham believed the Lord" (verse 6).

Belief was Abraham's immediate response. Later he does ask God for some sort of script. Verse 9, "O Sovereign Lord, how can I be sure that you will give it to me?" Our human nature desires structure and planning. We fear the unknown, and we covet control (or at least inclusion). God is big enough, loving enough and patient enough to handle these types of questions. But remember, Abraham's question followed belief. His belief did not hinge on the road map. All too often, I postpone belief waiting for my copy of the flight plans. I want to believe, but I like to do a little market analysis and some numbers crunching before I can commit. So my belief often follows the questions. That clearly is not what faith is about.

Abraham's response of belief earned him God's seal of approval. Abraham believed, and "God declared him righteous because of his faith" (verse 6). Even after God restates his promise to Abraham, He still does not lay out the time frame or the how's and where's. He simply tells him again with a little more detail that he will have an heir. Sometimes God just lays it out there and leaves it. No further explanation. He expects us to trust Him. We have to make a conscious decision to simply believe Him.

As for the argument of "How do I know if this is God telling me this or if it's something I cooked up," all I can say is to step back and really look at this "promise." Will it benefit the Kingdom? You can be sure that Satan will not point you in the direction of anything that will strengthen you spiritually. He will not encourage you down a path that is going to further the Kingdom. That being said, we can get into very fuzzy lines here. While Satan is not going to try selling you on something Godly, he can use seemingly Godly things to distract you. All in all, we simply don't know with 100% certainty. That is where faith comes in.

When we sense God is laying something on our hearts, and it is aligned with His word - we must make a choice to either believe or question. Abraham chose belief, and it was credited to him as righteousness. Asking for direction is okay, but belief must be our first step.

Creation

I don't know about you, but I am a creation junky. When I get into the creative zone, I lose all track of time and find it hard to stop. I love that feeling of being awake at 2:00 A.M., eyes all red, body tired - yet so exhilarated by the project at hand you can't figure how it got to be so late. I've been there many times, often covered in paint or knee deep in something.

My former roommate used to make fun of me because I say everything takes 20 minutes. Maybe I think that because it only feels like 20 minutes when I am in that zone. In the same way a thousand years is as a day and a day a thousand years to God, so it is with me and creative time. I have been known to go to my bedroom with the intention of going to bed only to end up re-arranging furniture for several hours. When I get that itch, I can't sit still (or sleep) until I've done something about it. And with me, there typically are no simple projects. I seem to have a flair for the elaborate (what can I say, one idea sparks another and another and another...).

As I was on my way home from photography class tonight, I passed a small store with the windows mostly covered in paper. The lights were on inside, and through one uncovered window I could see a couple of people inside unpacking, organizing, etc. I wondered if they were simply moving an existing business or if they were starting something new. It was late, and I wondered if they had that tired feeling in their bones. I twinge of envy passed through my body. There is nothing quite like the sense of accomplishment you experience after you've poured your heart and soul into creating something. And, oh the sweet sleep that follows when you fall into bed almost to the point of sheer exhaustion.

While I know God does not grow tired, I can only imagine Him during the Creation. Forming, shaping, painting things with brilliant colors, then standing back to take a look. Adding a little more, make a change here, tweek there. Ah, now - that's it! Then at the end of the process, He kicks back to chill and enjoy that feeling of completion. That "it is finished" feeling.

I can't help but think of another "it is finished" moment. You know the one. The moment that suspended Creation between Heaven and Earth. The moment that made it possible for us to anticipate the final "it is finished" moment with joy. Can you imagine the collective sigh of completion we will all experience when we are all in Heaven? For God, He can kick back now that His kids are home. For us, we can finally relax and kick off our shoes. Kind of like that feeling you get when returning home from a long trip. We'll all be there together, with that fullness in our bones, that sense of completion and wholeness. It is finished. Woohoo! I can't wait! But I do wonder how long it will take before I start wanting to re-arrange the furniture in my mansion! ;)

Not Alone

Eureka!! I have finally met someone with as many crazy stories as me! We have a new girl at work who seems to be trapped in a comic strip life like me. Now the pressure's off! Finally, I'm not alone. She was telling me stories today about setting her hair on fire. At least when I set myself on fire, it was only my pajamas. She also told me about a time when she drove a lawn mower up to the gas station so she could buy a coke. I never did that. My driving stories only involve stealing a car at age 14, getting pulled over by the military police, peeling my tires through an intersection in front of a cop, getting "lost" on the army base and ending up behind the targets on the firing range, 3 accidents, 1 ticket that involved court, blowing the engine out of a car, driving a car with a poltergeist, drag racing in a minivan, and a couple of others I won't mention.

Okay, so it appears I might be a little out ahead in the wild stories department. But hey, she is a few years younger than me, so she has plenty of time to catch up. Maybe I can be her mentor.

A Rose is a Rose

I heard this song years ago, but had almost forgotten about it until God brought it before me today. I really needed this word from Him, and I sense there are others who need it to. These are the words to a song entitled "A Rose is a Rose" written by Wayne Kirkpatrick and recorded by Susan Ashton:

You're at a stand still
You're at an impass
Your mountain of dreams
Seems harder to climb

By those who have made you
Feel like an outcast
Cause you dare to be different
So they're drawing a line

They say you're a fool
They feed you resistance
They tell you you'll never go very far
But they'll be the same ones
That stand in the distance
Alone in the shadow
Of your shining star

Chorus:
Just keep on the same road
And keep on your toes
And just keep your heart steady as she goes
And let them call you what they will
It don't matter
A rose by any name is still a rose

The kindness of strangers
It seems like a fable
But they've yet to see
What I see in you

But you can make it
If you are able
To believe in yourself
The way I do

(chorus)

Cause a deal is a deal
In the heart of a dream
And a spade is a spade
If you know what I mean
And a rose is a rose is a rose

To deal with the scoffers
Well, it's part of the bargain
They heckle from back rows
And they bark at the moon

Their flowers are fading
In time's bitter garden
But yours is only
Beginning to bloom

So keep on the same road
And keep on your toes
And just keep your heart steady as she goes
And let them call you what they will
Just remember
A rose by any name is still a rose

Being in the corporate world is so hard. Some days I feel so out of place that I want to come home and crawl under the covers. Some days I just don't think I can go back. My job, in and of itself, is great. I enjoy it. Even my co-workers are nice, and we all get along. But we are not of the same ilk. We do not value and pursue the same things. Since there are more of them than there are of me, I often feel like a kid on the playground who's not invited to play with the others. Funny how I never really experienced that as a child, but as an adult that feeling is more real that I'd like to admit. While I do not want to be a part of their world, it is still tiring to feel so out of place all the time. And sometimes it can wear pretty thin.

Many times I have wished I could quit my job and move to a monastery type place and just sit in the presence of God for a good long while. No more phone calls. No more business deals. No more malls or shoe shopping. Just me and God. Then slowly a few family/friends at a time could come in. We'd pray and just bask in the glory of God. Reflect on His word and share what He has spoken to us.

Last night He told me to read Luke 12. I wasn't sure what Luke 12 was about specifically, so I turned there. Here are a few things He wanted me to realize from that chapter:
1. Jesus also experienced a sense of overwhelming by the crowds (v 1)
2. Be more concerned with what effect God will have on you than what effect man will have on you (v 4-5)
3. Don't be afraid or discouraged. God is right there. He sees you, and you are not alone or out of His reach. (v 6-7)
4. Although it may be scary and may make you feel like an outcast, God expects us to acknowledge Him in our lives, no matter what (v 8-9)
5. Do not waste time focusing on money, power or anything else of this world - it is worthless (v 21)
6. Don't worry about anything, big or small. Again, anything and everything of this world is temporary. Make God your priority! (v 22-31)
7. Not only should you not worry about things of this world, take what you do have and give it away or use it to help someone else (v 33-34)
8. Live every minute as if Jesus is in the clouds, on His way back for the 2nd coming. (v 35-47)
9. Be careful what you wish/ask for. The more you have, the more expected of you (v48)
10. Don't expect to "fit in" with the world. Jesus came not to bring peace, but to bring division. If you are living for Him, expect to suffer from severed and strained relationships with those who do not believe (v 49-53)

Life is hard. It's not fair. And a lot of times it flat out sucks. Satan uses our alienation from the world to amplify feelings of loneliness or insecurity. He takes what may be a crack in the sidewalk and makes it appear to be an impassable chasm. We live in a realm of distortion. Life here on earth is not comfortable. It's not supposed to be. Remember, people of the world are living it up now because this is as close as they will ever get to heaven. On the flip side, it is as close to hell as we'll ever get. We live with discomfort now because it points us to our Eternal Relief. Our partying days have not yet begun.

Hang in there. God is but a whisper away. He sees all, knows all and loves all. We are not alone, and this life is not for naught. We are here for a reason. So while we might want to quit our jobs and sit in a monastery somewhere, God has a different purpose for us. Times will come when we become weary, and that's okay. Even Jesus needed to step away, revive and regroup before facing the crowds again.

Crawl into your Father's lap and get a good night's sleep. It'll make all the difference in the world.

Delayed Promises

I have been going to a Bible study on Thursday nights that is based on Beth Moore's study on the Patriarchs. This week, God spoke so many things to my impatient heart. I am so glad we serve a God that looks on us lovingly as we dance around with ants in our pants waiting for prayers to be answered. My heart is warmed when I realize that He has reached into my heart to calm me and gently remind me that waiting on Him will always bring rewards.

In Genesis 12, God promises Abram blessings, fame, and land. Abram goes to the land and shortly thereafter, famine comes. Gee, thanks - right? Abram books it down to Egypt to wait out the famine. We don't know if God told him to go there, or if he went of his own volition. I speculate as to whether he went there under God's direction because he was so afraid that he lied about Sarai being his wife.

Let's assume he did go of his own accord. Is running ahead of God or stepping outside His plan what caused Abram to lose trust in God to protect him? A shifting focus from God to self-preservation can cause one to lose perspective and fall prey to temptation. Was it a mere lack of trust that caused Abram to lie? Could selfishness have been a factor? Could one breathe life into the other? In the end, Abram's lie is exposed and he is sent packing. This part of the story has always baffled me a little. It appears that Abram is basically rewarded for lying. He amassed great wealth while in Egypt, many gifts from the pharaoh. Then with a stern word, he is given his wife, all his belongings and sent on his way. That's it? No lightning bolt or anything? Hmmm.

Remember the famine? I am operating under the assumption Abram high-tailed it to Egypt under no direction from God, got himself into a mess, and now in chapter 13 is heading back toward Bethel where they had camped before. Verse 4 says, "This was the place where Abram had built the altar, and there he again worshiped the Lord." He seems to be getting back on track. Now he is so wealthy that the land cannot support both him and Lot and all their possessions. So he graciously offers Lot first choice of the land. Lot looks around and picks the best, most fertile land for himself. Yet again, this wonderful blessing Abram is supposed to receive seems to be like the short end of the wishbone. But look at what follows in verse 14 of chapter 13.

"After Lot was gone, the Lord said to Abram, 'Look as far as you can see in every direction. I am going to give all this land to you and your offspring as a permanent possession."

He finally takes a step back, puts someone else first and it seems he is getting the shaft again - then God steps in and gives him everything. Abraham seems to be the man of the delayed promise. It appears that he is always going to end up with the bootleg version of a blessing or that somehow his blessing will be temporary or taken away completely. Later he is promised a son, then met with another delay. Again, he takes matters into his own hands and tries to create the blessing for himself. Finally, after the promised son is given, God tells Abraham to sacrifice him.

God used this cycle of promise-delay-sacrifice in Abraham's life to strengthen his faith. If Abraham was tempted to take matters into his own hands and "help God along" maybe that's why he had to endure the same lesson more than once. Maybe he tended to take "ownership" of things more than he should. Maybe God had to train him to a point where he truly viewed everything as belonging to God.

I frequently find myself caught up in this same cycle. I will receive a promise, then comes the delay. Sometimes it appears that someone else is getting to cash in on the promise instead of me. And sometimes God calls me to sacrifice it altogether. I am so stubborn, greedy and hard-headed. If only I would learn from Abraham's progress and return to the altar of the Lord. Lay my "possessions" at his feet and be truly willing to sacrifice it all to Him.

I know I go through times of famine and delay because I have tried to pack my own tent so full of junk that it is bulging at the seams. I cling to that tent with all my might. But how can I embrace God when my hands are holding so tightly onto other things?

I must make my way back toward Bethel where I once worshipped the Lord. And I must again worship him. I need to allow others in my life the freedom to grow, and I need to put them first and let them go. I need to stand empty-handed before my Lord and let Him fill me up in His own time. Only then will I be ready to receive and humble enough to be used.

Internet Predators

In case you haven't heard, Dateline NBC has a new program out called "To Catch a Predator" which is about catching adults who attempt to solicit underage children on-line for sex. I don't know why I watch it because it makes me so upset, but if I happen to turn on the TV and it's on, I always end up watching it. Their latest episode was on one night this week, and I was appalled at the new twist that seemed to arise. Every episode usually has at least one incident that will cause your jaw to drop, but this one caused my heart to break.

Each episode they broadcast from a different city. They've been in New York, California, Florida, and this week they were in Ohio. They wanted to see if men who lived in rural areas, quiet towns, miles from any big cities would be as predatory as in the larger cities of previous episodes. Unfortunately, perversion and hormones run just as strong whether you are in the city or out in the sticks. Some of these guys would drive hours to get to the undercover house. But the new twist that was introduced here was religion. Over and over again, these men would come in and talk about God, church, religion. Some wore crosses around their necks. One was from a Christian school. Keep in mind these men were there with the notion they would be having sex with a 14 year old girl. They had copies of their on-line chats that were so graphic they couldn't read them on TV. But when they were busted, they tried playing the "religion" card.

At first I was speechless. I still can't decide what to think. I know that Christian men struggle with lust and all the things of the flesh. I know they are human. That doesn't make it right for them to seek out sex with children, but I am saying that I know they aren't immune to temptation. What breaks my heart is the damage these men did to the Kingdom of God by going on national TV and trying to use God as a 'get out of jail free' card. For a moment, I thought, "Well - maybe it will help the world to see that Christians aren't perfect and they also struggle." But that feeling was soon overridden by dismay.

These days it is often difficult, if not impossible to see the difference between Christians and non-Christians. Yes, Christians struggle. But many times it seems we aren't even fighting temptation any more. We find ourselves in the pig slop, wallowing around right along side the world. No wonder so many people are turned off to Christianity. Why would they want to dedicate themselves to a life that so often is fraught with hypocrisy? We are supposed to look different from everyone else. We are supposed to live differently than the world. Yet so often, we show up one after the other - seeking the very things that eat our souls alive, the things God hates.

I guess this is such a pet peeve for me because I see it so much in my own life. Don't worry, I don't surf the net looking for children to have sex with - but I often see myself blending in with my co-workers. Is my speech different from theirs? Do I laugh at the same jokes they do? When they get in my car to go to lunch, what will they hear playing in my CD player? Does my life look like one that belongs to God? Do they see me serving them and others as I should? Do I join in on the gossip circuit? Does my anger boil over into tyrannical ranting? Do I seek to get ahead regardless of who I may be stepping on? Are all my business deals above board and fair? Do I play by the rules? Can they trust me? Do I think more highly of myself than I ought? The list could go on and on.

I don't want to have to get busted on national TV or in the boardroom before I decide to play the "God" card. I want everyone to look at me like I am crazy and make fun of me at cocktail parties because I am the only one not drinking and cussing. I want them to excuse themselves when they tell off color jokes or use filthy language around me. I want them to know they can come to me with the darkest secret of their lives, and KNOW it will be safe with me. I want them to feel appreciated, loved, encouraged, protected and respected by me. I want them to look at my business portfolio and know that every account in it is one that was developed with honesty and integrity. I want them to see me treat my most vile clients with the utmost respect. I want them to see that I am joyfully different and filled with inexplicable peace no matter the circumstance. God has called us to live this life.

We all struggle. I know I sure do. While my sin may not be quite as public as Dateline NBC, I am reminded by that show that my actions do speak volumes to those around me. What kind of influence am I having for the Kingdom? Are my struggles overwhelming me to the point I look no different than the world? If so, I say we must take radical steps to move back toward God. We are SUPPOSED to look different than the world.

"Loving God means keeping his commandments, and really, that isn't difficult. For every child of God defeats this evil world by trusting Christ to give the victory. And the ones who win this battle against the world are the ones who believe that Jesus is the Son of God.

We know that those who have become part of God's family do not make a practice of sinning, for God's Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot get his hands on them. We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the power and control of the evil one. And we know that the Son of God has come, and he has given us understanding so that we can know the true God. And now we are in God because we are in his Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and he is eternal life. Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God's place in your hearts."

I John 5:3-5;18-21

Sometimes I look at myself and the world around me and wonder if I will ever live up. Will I ever be the dynamic person God has called me to be? Will the desire in my heart ever become stronger than the fear in my mind? Funny how I often long for perfection, yet God always works so powerfully through weakness. Oh, that my weaknesses would be perfection in His hands.

Home again, at last!

Well, I am back from another jaunt to Atlanta. Only one more this month and I will be done with Atlanta for June. I feel like I have been living out of a suitcase lately! Sadly enough, in a couple of weeks I'll go back to Atl, come home for a day or two, then I'm off to Memphis. Not that I'm complaining! I feel very fortunate to be able to travel the way I do. In fact, I'm afraid it has begun to spoil me a little...nice hotels, great food (all on someone else's dime!).

Anyway, I must relay to you my latest from the ATL. I only boast of my progress because I was so timid about Atlanta merely months ago. I used to enter the fair city with white knuckles and trembling knees. While I am still cautious, I am falling into step slowly but surely. This week, I was able to navigate my way around to several places without directions, maps or anything. And I'm a-learnin' the lingo. I took my boss with me this time, and when I started telling him we needed to find the "king and queen" and that this particular place was ITP, he looked at me like I had two heads. I had to laugh.

Anyway, while I am slowly being wooed by the city of Atlanta, I did have a couple of hilarious near-death experiences this week. They are hilarious to me because I have such a warped sense of humor. I can see humor in almost anything if I look hard enough. And, like my mother, when I see something off the wall that makes me laugh - well, the more I laugh, the funnier it becomes. Then the mere fact that I am the only one laughing makes me laugh even harder. Sorry, getting side-tracked.

Back to the brushes with death. I was almost bitten on the head by a gigantic Rottweiller in the parking lot of a Home Depot. Luckily, the car window he tried to jump through wasn't open another inch or so. He could only get his head and upper torso out the window. As I was wedged between our cars, he lunged for me with his lips curled revealing razor-sharp teeth that glistened in the sun. Each rabid snarling bark produced foamy saliva that dripped from his chin. I, of course, was unaware of his presence until I heard this deafening bark and felt the hot breath on my neck.

Second, the hotel I normally stay at was completely booked. So I had no option but to seek shelter elsewhere. I found a nice little hotel on-line, a brand I was familiar with. The room was even $40 cheaper per night. That should have been my first clue (never again will I book a room that rents for less than $100 a night). As we pulled into the parking lot, I began to laugh hysterically. What the internet portrayed as a modern, updated, nice hotel was in reality owned and operated by the Bates family. My boss' groans from the driver's seat only made the moment that much funnier. I told him it couldn't be all bad. After all, there was a Farrari in the parking lot. Turns out that belonged to a "mobile pharmacist" if you catch my meaning. When we got up to our rooms, my boss had to use his shoulder to force his door open. The sheets were pepto pink. And there was a lovely blend of sirens in the background.

Best of all was the traffic. We were almost squished by an 18-wheeler that changed lanes on top of us. And we janked up the transmission somehow, and ended up driving all the way home with the engine light on. I, of course, was laughing so hard that I had tears streaming down my face. I think exhaustion had begun to set in.

So all in all, it was an interesting trip to say the least. I loved every minute of it. And best of all, I got to have lunch at the Rexall Drug Store in Duluth. That place is almost worth the drive just by itself! If you've never been, you've got to put it on your list of things to do. Let me know, and I'll take you if you want. It is like stepping into Mayberry. It's the weirdest thing. Everyone in there knows each other. And they must have a fleet of granny's back there in the kitchen because that food is slap yo' mama good! It's something everyone must experience for himself.

Enough of my travels for now. Must get sleep...

Photos

The photo shoot of the 3 year old twins went well on Saturday - right up until the end. Luckily we were almost done when Alex decided to dive head first into the fountain in front of Shakespeare. It was priceless. And, yes I got a picture of it! (Go to my other blog to check it out)

I just love kids. They have such a wonderful spirit of adventure. The twins I took pictures of on Saturday are 3 years old as I said. One is a boy and one is a girl. It's so funny to watch the differences in siblings. When Alyssa was told to stand and pose, she would remain as still as her 3 year old little body could stand. Eventually she would begin to dance in place and twirl her dress around. But Alex, on the other hand... We would try to get him to pose for a shot, and we'd look up and he would be off in a flower bed or behind some bushes or running up a hill or diving into the fountain. It was a blast! Not only are siblings different, but boys and girls are so different as well.

I think the parents get more uptight on these photo shoots than I do. I guess they think I am secretly fuming and thinking their kids are the worst on the planet. Actually it's quite the opposite. Kids are kids. They run, play and explore. If they didn't my pictures would be boring! So I love every minute of it. Besides I have a super long zoom lens, so let 'em run - I can still photograph them from a long ways off!

Anyway - today was my first day back at work after being in Atlanta last week. Things were CRAZY as usual. I was reminded of those sweet little twins. I know I need to get some work done eventually, but I also need to take time to dance in place, twirl my dress, hide behind a cubicle and jump in the proverbial fountain from time to time. We adults are far too serious most of the time!!

Falling for ATL

Well, I successfully made it back from Atlanta this week. Had to go there on business. After several trips now, I feel like I am starting to get used to the traffic. I must be getting comfy because I actually started to dose off on I-285. And I engaged an 18-wheeler in lane wars at one point. Hey, I can't help it he couldn't read the signs that excluded him from entering the 2 left lanes. But I made sure he knew about it! (And, yes, I made it out alive).

I have to say, I love a city where driving 25 miles over the speed limit is the norm. Only problem is when I get back to MGM, I have to "detox" and slow it down a bit. I have gotten very proficient in bobbing and weaving in and out of traffic though. In fact, some of my co-workers are a little afraid to ride with me now! Just wait until I take them to the ATL! I can change lanes with only inches to spare. I'm so proud.

I found out this week that I will now be going to ATL at least once a month, possibly twice. What's more - a friend of mine just told me I could use his condo when I am in town. Well- he's moving to MGM and it is for sale - so I can use it until it sells. Even so, it's ITP and only a mile from the mall. What more could a girl ask for!!

I gotta tell ya - ATL used to wig me out because it's so big. But it is growing on me. I mean, hey - if I can sleep in 8 lane traffic doing 80 mph - I must be morphing into a native! All I need now is a Bluetooth, a Blackberry, a laptop, and some Prada and I should be set!

In other news tonight, I was in downtown MGM earlier this evening at Jubilee City Fest. I was commissioned to take some nighttime photos for a magazine cover. Anyway - I have to say that our fair city is not the most attractive of places when littered with road blocks, orange traffic cones, and drunks. Needless to say, I only got 1 or 2 decent shots. I guess I am going to have to go back down there some time this weekend and try again. I have a photo shoot with 3 year old twins tomorrow afternoon. Maybe I can venture out again after that.

By the way, for those of you who know about my sod-laying incident - it seems to be doing alright. However - my dad informed me today that I needed to move some of it. I am in complete and total despair! Luckily I still don't have my voice completely back yet, so I couldn't scream when he told me.

Oh well, sorry for the randomness of this one. I've been out of pocket for a week or so. And it is 1:03 AM after all. I really can't be held responsible for my actions...

Adullam House

Yesterday I went with a group of people to help out at a children's home named the Adullam House. The children there all have mothers in prison. Their fathers are MIA as well. The entire experience was fraught with mixed emotion for me. As we drove up, there were children running and playing on the front lawn. At first glance, it seemed like any other normal home.

We went there to play with the children or do whatever else was needed in order to give the staff a short break for a few hours. Upon our arrival, we learned that there are many volunteers. Some groups come from other cities and may stay for a couple of weeks at a time. They also help with the children as well as doing construction work around the property. They are in the process of building additional housing and a chapel.

The day we went, the place was a flurry of activity. Children and adults were everywhere. Inside. Outside. Cooking, cleaning, playing, working. It was almost too much for me. I am still trying to take it all in. They have children ranging in age from 4 weeks to 15 years. In speaking with the director, I learned that she had just received a phone call from the prison telling her that another mother had gone into labor. So they were expecting another new born.

The scene we saw when first arriving, one of children running and laughing soon became one of sadness for me. I took up with a 3 month old little boy named Jacoby. In fact, I carried him around almost the entire time I was there. I got to rock him, feed him, be thrown up on by him, change him and put him down for a nap. As I sat gazing at this beautiful baby, I couldn't help but think of his mother. I wondered what she was doing at that moment as I rocked her little boy. Was she sitting in her cell thinking of him? I wondered if he looked like her. I wondered if she wanted him. How long would it be before they could be reunited? I wondered what it must feel like to be a mother and know that someone else was holding your child. I think it must be one of the most torturous things to endure.

At one point I took Jacoby onto the front porch. As I sat there in a rocking chair, we watched the older children run and play. Another little boy came and crawled into my lap. Another volunteer sat opposite me in another rocking chair with another small baby. I began to watch the children and the volunteers. As I watched, one thing I noticed were the grandfathers. We had 4 that went with us that day. My heart melted as I observed these men serving these children. Bud and Melvin manned the grill, cooking lunch for all these people. Mark ran around tossing the football with several of the boys. Dick sat under a tree talking to a teenager. Another guy that went with us was sitting in the grass with probably 10 children around him as he talked to and played with them. Others were blowing bubbles and throwing frisbees.

There is something about seeing a man play with a child that really gets me. I guess I'm not that moved when I see women interact with children because it is in our nature. I see women caring for children all the time. But to see these men, especially these grandfathers taking time to come and help these children - for some reason, there just are no words. There is something different, something special about a man's influence over children. Look at all the statistics regarding a father's presence in the home. I am so grateful for the example of those grandfathers. I hope to someday marry a man that has that kind of servant's heart. I hope God will continue to supply men such as these to those young children. I know their lives will be forever changed by it.

As we drove home that day, barely two words were spoken in the van. I don't know if everyone was tired or what. As for me, my mind was simply overwhelmed. I had many emotions swirling around inside. Partially I felt extremely guilty because I was relieved to be free of the madness of activity. I LOVE to be around people, but I can only take chaos in small doses. I can't imagine living in that environment full time. I am so glad that God has gifted people to be able to do that. While we were able to leave, those children weren't. I felt very torn in that moment, and still do to a degree. Part of me doesn't want to go back. I don't want to face that again. It hurt me too much. On the other hand, I feel like I could never do enough. I know we are each gifted and called to minister in different ways. While I know that living in a children's home may not be my gift or calling - my heart breaks for those children. Knowing there is so much to be done, so much love needed - I feel guilty that I am unable to do more. Letting go and perfectionism are some of the things I need to work on (but that's another blog altogether!). It ripped me up inside to experience this, but it also helped me to get outside of my own world and expanded by boundaries a little.

I saw God working in so many ways today. It's so true that we are all parts of the body of Christ - each serving in his own way. Whether it was serving quietly behind the scenes, running like mad in the middle of a pack of kids, being barfed on, blowing bubbles or speaking a kind word, each hand was a blessing. I know this work will be life-changing for these children, but it will be life-changing for us as well.

Please keep these children, the full-time workers, the volunteers and the finances in your prayers. This place is run entirely on donations and faith. Many times building projects have to be held up until enough money comes in to start work again. I am amazed and humbled by this ministry. I praise God for the Adullam House, and that these children are safe, fed, dry, warm and loved tonight.

"So David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. Soon his brothers and other relatives joined him there. Then others began coming - men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented..."
-I Sam 22:1-2a