Well, my euphoric day of rest came to a screeching halt today. You guessed it. I returned to work. The only way I can adequately describe my job to someone who doesn't do it is this. Picture the Wall St trading floor just after the market has opened. That's pretty much the level of activity that goes on inside my office all day everyday. Were you to walk through, you might not see it displayed as prominently as Wall St, but it's there. Ours takes place in the form of emails, phone calls and the fabulous paperless environment in which we work. But, all in all, I gamble all day - just like the stock brokers. I make decisions that could cost us millions of dollars. I haggle over price, and even have to play the roles of teacher, defendant, collection agent, bully and investigator. It's a mad house, but it's like that every day, so I've gotten pretty used to it. And secretly, I even enjoy it sometimes.

But today, one of my agents called me and told me that he was disappointed in our company, which was a kind way of saying he was disappointed in me. To his credit, I had dropped the ball because I am so overloaded right now. I missed a chance to book two good accounts and lost a good chunk of money. That I can live with, but having one of my best agents tell me I had disappointed him just killed me. He could have ripped my heart out with a dull knife and it wouldn't have hurt any less.

I've been thinking about this whole situation a lot today. As I mentioned in my last post, our sermon from Sunday was about slowing down, not biting off more than we can chew, and getting over our need to be perfect. Col 3:23 was discussed, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." Some people are burdened by this verse, citing it as the source for their drive to perfectionism.

On the other hand, read further into verse 24, "since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." This is what holds the key for me. My perfectionism is driven by a need to please others and be rewarded by others. Of course I want to please God too, but so often my humanity takes over, my pride and competitive spirit rage forth and I find myself caught up in the rat race. I believe that striving for excellence is something we should do as a means to honor and glorify God. But when that push to excel becomes about us rather than Him, we've missed the mark. When the reward we are striving for is no longer an inheritance from Him, it's time we take a step back and refocus.

So today, I will take a deep breath and slow down. A little mental yoga never hurts. Yes, I dropped the ball. No, I'm not perfect. But is my focus going to be on doing the very best, honest job I can do for God while being a good example to my co-workers, or will I focus on this flickering light in my bright shining star of pride?

Deep breath. Awmmm. Awmmm. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Awmmm. Awmmm.