I've been having this weird feeling in my chest lately. I'm not going around doing the Fred Sanford or anything, but it does feel odd nonetheless. I just wanted to let someone know - if I don't show up at work tomorrow, can someone come check on me before the decomp smell embeds itself in the sheetrock and my family has difficulty re-selling the house? Thanks.
Now, on to bigger and better things. God led me to start reading the book of James this week. I am taking a different approach to reading than ever before. This time I am only reading a few verses a day, reading them multiple times, sometimes pulling out a couple of different commentaries, letting the verses sink in, and praying about them. I have been amazed at how each day the verses seem to coincide with something going on in my life.
Yesterday God convicted me about some things in my life that weren't honoring Him. I hadn't really given much thought to it before, but I knew I needed to confront them. Then I got to the verses about being tempted by your desires and that leading to death. THEN I got an email devotional from a guy who simply shares whatever God speaks to him each morning. Yesterday he said that God spoke to him about repentance and requiring pinpoint obedience. And that if people refused to repent they were going to enter into a long season of drought.
I was burdened all day until I dealt with it. After I did, I began to feel better. Then I came home tonight and lo and behold, "If you keep looking steadily into God's perfect law - the law that sets you free - and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it." (James 1:25)
I am amazed when God speaks to me. I am amazed that He would even want to. That amazement also fosters doubt that what I "hear" is even God. Knowing how human I am and how much I mess up every day, I think I sometimes have a hard time believing that even I could be privileged enough to have Him direct anything toward me. But looking back over the past 2 days - there is not doubt in my mind that He clearly communicates with us, puts things on our hearts, speaks to us through avenues other than the Bible, and uses everything in our spirits and in the world around us to lead us closer to Him.
I still have some other thorn bushes in my spirit that need dealing with, but I am confident that one victorious step toward obedience will lead to another and another and another. And I am reminded that He really does speak to me, and many of those times I have wondered about the "voice" really were Him. I don't know why we get so hung up in doubt sometimes. I guess Satan takes our feelings of unworthiness and uses them to make us believe we really are unworthy. But because of Jesus, I am worthy! Praise Him!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Rich and poor alike, we are all the same to God. He expects us to serve and honor Him, no matter what position we find ourselves in life.
Let the believer who is lowly boast in being raised up, and the rich in being brought low, because the rich will disappear like a flower in the field. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the field; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. It is the same way with the rich; in the midst of a busy life, they will wither away.
James 1:9-11 NRSV
At the time this was written, wealthy landowners in Palestine, as well as much of the Roman Empire, exploited the poor. Economic and social tensions raged even to the point of war and bloodshed. James was trying to teach Christians that their worth came not in the form of money, but rather from God's grace. The poor were to rejoice because God's grace exalted them. The rich were to rejoice because God's grace humbled them and brought them to a place beyond their wealth. God's grace levels the playing field.
In the United States, most of us would not consider ourselves rich. However, compared to the rest of the world, we are extremely wealthy. Whatever position you find yourself in today, approach it behind the veil of grace. If you are burdened with debt, barely able to make ends meet, remember that God's grace is above all that. If you are doing fairly well by the world's standards, remember that money is temporary and has no eternal value. Don't fall into the trap of elevating riches above grace. And if you find yourself somewhere in the middle, remember that life will fade and wither like a flower. Don't get lulled into such a sense of busyness that you wake up one day to see that life has passed you by. Make the most of wherever you are, always rejoicing that God's grace brings us all to the same place.
Let the believer who is lowly boast in being raised up, and the rich in being brought low, because the rich will disappear like a flower in the field. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the field; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. It is the same way with the rich; in the midst of a busy life, they will wither away.
James 1:9-11 NRSV
At the time this was written, wealthy landowners in Palestine, as well as much of the Roman Empire, exploited the poor. Economic and social tensions raged even to the point of war and bloodshed. James was trying to teach Christians that their worth came not in the form of money, but rather from God's grace. The poor were to rejoice because God's grace exalted them. The rich were to rejoice because God's grace humbled them and brought them to a place beyond their wealth. God's grace levels the playing field.
In the United States, most of us would not consider ourselves rich. However, compared to the rest of the world, we are extremely wealthy. Whatever position you find yourself in today, approach it behind the veil of grace. If you are burdened with debt, barely able to make ends meet, remember that God's grace is above all that. If you are doing fairly well by the world's standards, remember that money is temporary and has no eternal value. Don't fall into the trap of elevating riches above grace. And if you find yourself somewhere in the middle, remember that life will fade and wither like a flower. Don't get lulled into such a sense of busyness that you wake up one day to see that life has passed you by. Make the most of wherever you are, always rejoicing that God's grace brings us all to the same place.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Well, my euphoric day of rest came to a screeching halt today. You guessed it. I returned to work. The only way I can adequately describe my job to someone who doesn't do it is this. Picture the Wall St trading floor just after the market has opened. That's pretty much the level of activity that goes on inside my office all day everyday. Were you to walk through, you might not see it displayed as prominently as Wall St, but it's there. Ours takes place in the form of emails, phone calls and the fabulous paperless environment in which we work. But, all in all, I gamble all day - just like the stock brokers. I make decisions that could cost us millions of dollars. I haggle over price, and even have to play the roles of teacher, defendant, collection agent, bully and investigator. It's a mad house, but it's like that every day, so I've gotten pretty used to it. And secretly, I even enjoy it sometimes.
But today, one of my agents called me and told me that he was disappointed in our company, which was a kind way of saying he was disappointed in me. To his credit, I had dropped the ball because I am so overloaded right now. I missed a chance to book two good accounts and lost a good chunk of money. That I can live with, but having one of my best agents tell me I had disappointed him just killed me. He could have ripped my heart out with a dull knife and it wouldn't have hurt any less.
I've been thinking about this whole situation a lot today. As I mentioned in my last post, our sermon from Sunday was about slowing down, not biting off more than we can chew, and getting over our need to be perfect. Col 3:23 was discussed, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." Some people are burdened by this verse, citing it as the source for their drive to perfectionism.
On the other hand, read further into verse 24, "since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." This is what holds the key for me. My perfectionism is driven by a need to please others and be rewarded by others. Of course I want to please God too, but so often my humanity takes over, my pride and competitive spirit rage forth and I find myself caught up in the rat race. I believe that striving for excellence is something we should do as a means to honor and glorify God. But when that push to excel becomes about us rather than Him, we've missed the mark. When the reward we are striving for is no longer an inheritance from Him, it's time we take a step back and refocus.
So today, I will take a deep breath and slow down. A little mental yoga never hurts. Yes, I dropped the ball. No, I'm not perfect. But is my focus going to be on doing the very best, honest job I can do for God while being a good example to my co-workers, or will I focus on this flickering light in my bright shining star of pride?
Deep breath. Awmmm. Awmmm. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Awmmm. Awmmm.
But today, one of my agents called me and told me that he was disappointed in our company, which was a kind way of saying he was disappointed in me. To his credit, I had dropped the ball because I am so overloaded right now. I missed a chance to book two good accounts and lost a good chunk of money. That I can live with, but having one of my best agents tell me I had disappointed him just killed me. He could have ripped my heart out with a dull knife and it wouldn't have hurt any less.
I've been thinking about this whole situation a lot today. As I mentioned in my last post, our sermon from Sunday was about slowing down, not biting off more than we can chew, and getting over our need to be perfect. Col 3:23 was discussed, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." Some people are burdened by this verse, citing it as the source for their drive to perfectionism.
On the other hand, read further into verse 24, "since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." This is what holds the key for me. My perfectionism is driven by a need to please others and be rewarded by others. Of course I want to please God too, but so often my humanity takes over, my pride and competitive spirit rage forth and I find myself caught up in the rat race. I believe that striving for excellence is something we should do as a means to honor and glorify God. But when that push to excel becomes about us rather than Him, we've missed the mark. When the reward we are striving for is no longer an inheritance from Him, it's time we take a step back and refocus.
So today, I will take a deep breath and slow down. A little mental yoga never hurts. Yes, I dropped the ball. No, I'm not perfect. But is my focus going to be on doing the very best, honest job I can do for God while being a good example to my co-workers, or will I focus on this flickering light in my bright shining star of pride?
Deep breath. Awmmm. Awmmm. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Awmmm. Awmmm.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Well, I've been a little scattered to the wind lately. We left last Wednesday to spend Thanksgiving holidays with the family in Florence. When we go to Florence, we always stay with my grandparents. Somehow I always end up sleeping in the strangest of places. With all of the beds occupied, I either find myself on the couch (which is too short), in a recliner or on the floor. My grandfather is the Gadget King of the Southeast, and he has an inflatable mattress that I have also tried. Only problem is, the mattress has a slow leak, so by morning the mattress has deflated itself.
This year I went to Linens -N- Things and bought my own blow-up mattress, twin size, with a little pump and everything. It was interesting. This one had no leak, so it stayed inflated all night. I think I may have inflated it a little too much. It was so tight that you could bounce a quarter across the room on that thing. It was a little like sleeping on a beach ball. If I moved my feet, my head would bounce. By the third night, I had started to adjust, but alas, it was time to come home.
The Friday after Thanksgiving I took my dad shopping. This was his first time to experience Black Friday. I tried to tell him that we needed to be out and about by 5am, but he was foursquare against it. So we arrived at Kohl's at 7:15. It took each of us approximately 15 minutes to find what we came for, and we got in line to check out. At 9:00 we finally reached the cashier. He was appalled. I tried to tell him. People go crazy on Black Friday. It's like a full moon or something. You risk life and limb to save a dime. Actually, we calculated that we saved $1 per minute that we waited in line. Either way, it's a mad, mad world.
Yesterday my parents came over and helped me drag the Christmas decorations down out of the attic. We put up trees and strung lights. We even put some lights in the bushes out front. It was a good time. In the process, I also got to meet my new neighbors for the first time. I am ashamed to say that they have lived next door to me for a few months now, and this is the first time we have met. They seem sweet. A newlywed couple. It's sad to me that we have become so seclusive as a society. Even among families, gatherings seem to be smaller and less often.
I watched a few minutes of Diary of Mad Black Woman yesterday, and was touched by the scene where Madea is on house arrest and the family is having a BBQ in her front yard. Kids running everywhere, people dancing. I long for a community spirit like that, whether it's in the form of a biological family or simply a gathering of close friends and neighbors. I can remember growing up, we spent so much time with family. We were always at each other's houses. Every Mother's Day, we all descended on my great-grandmother's house. There would probably be 40 people spilling out into the yard. Kids everywhere. It was great. We've moved so far from that place in our society.
Speaking of seclusion, today I had what I call a "me" day. I spent the entire day hanging out with myself, celebrating me and relaxing. Today is my birthday. I slept late, got a facial, pedicure and mini massage. I blasted praise music in the car, browsed at the camera shop, bought myself a present, and took a nap. All in all, it was a fantastic birthday. I feel refreshed and renewed.
Yesterday's sermon at church was about taking a Sabbath for ourselves, slowing down, saying no, etc. I have been so frazzled lately, going to Atlanta and back several times this month, being backlogged at work, eating unhealthy crap, letting the housework slide. Today has been so nice. No fast pace, no one asking me a million questions, no demands. I have even decided that I am going to attempt to fast from TV from now until Christmas. I believe TV only adds to my stress because it allows me to waste so much time. I want today to be like my own personal "new year's day." I guess for me is, it truly is! This year I am going to try to take better care of myself. I'll make no grand proclamations, because I always seem to fall short of those. But I discovered today that I actually enjoy me. I enjoy hanging out with me. I'm fun to be around! I deserve to be taken care of and treated well. And I owe it to others to give more of myself.
Maybe this year will be about the quest for balance. Seclusion does have its place, but service does as well. This year I hope to learn new ways of focusing on myself, while fine-tuning my ability to focus on others in a healthy, unselfish way.
This year I went to Linens -N- Things and bought my own blow-up mattress, twin size, with a little pump and everything. It was interesting. This one had no leak, so it stayed inflated all night. I think I may have inflated it a little too much. It was so tight that you could bounce a quarter across the room on that thing. It was a little like sleeping on a beach ball. If I moved my feet, my head would bounce. By the third night, I had started to adjust, but alas, it was time to come home.
The Friday after Thanksgiving I took my dad shopping. This was his first time to experience Black Friday. I tried to tell him that we needed to be out and about by 5am, but he was foursquare against it. So we arrived at Kohl's at 7:15. It took each of us approximately 15 minutes to find what we came for, and we got in line to check out. At 9:00 we finally reached the cashier. He was appalled. I tried to tell him. People go crazy on Black Friday. It's like a full moon or something. You risk life and limb to save a dime. Actually, we calculated that we saved $1 per minute that we waited in line. Either way, it's a mad, mad world.
Yesterday my parents came over and helped me drag the Christmas decorations down out of the attic. We put up trees and strung lights. We even put some lights in the bushes out front. It was a good time. In the process, I also got to meet my new neighbors for the first time. I am ashamed to say that they have lived next door to me for a few months now, and this is the first time we have met. They seem sweet. A newlywed couple. It's sad to me that we have become so seclusive as a society. Even among families, gatherings seem to be smaller and less often.
I watched a few minutes of Diary of Mad Black Woman yesterday, and was touched by the scene where Madea is on house arrest and the family is having a BBQ in her front yard. Kids running everywhere, people dancing. I long for a community spirit like that, whether it's in the form of a biological family or simply a gathering of close friends and neighbors. I can remember growing up, we spent so much time with family. We were always at each other's houses. Every Mother's Day, we all descended on my great-grandmother's house. There would probably be 40 people spilling out into the yard. Kids everywhere. It was great. We've moved so far from that place in our society.
Speaking of seclusion, today I had what I call a "me" day. I spent the entire day hanging out with myself, celebrating me and relaxing. Today is my birthday. I slept late, got a facial, pedicure and mini massage. I blasted praise music in the car, browsed at the camera shop, bought myself a present, and took a nap. All in all, it was a fantastic birthday. I feel refreshed and renewed.
Yesterday's sermon at church was about taking a Sabbath for ourselves, slowing down, saying no, etc. I have been so frazzled lately, going to Atlanta and back several times this month, being backlogged at work, eating unhealthy crap, letting the housework slide. Today has been so nice. No fast pace, no one asking me a million questions, no demands. I have even decided that I am going to attempt to fast from TV from now until Christmas. I believe TV only adds to my stress because it allows me to waste so much time. I want today to be like my own personal "new year's day." I guess for me is, it truly is! This year I am going to try to take better care of myself. I'll make no grand proclamations, because I always seem to fall short of those. But I discovered today that I actually enjoy me. I enjoy hanging out with me. I'm fun to be around! I deserve to be taken care of and treated well. And I owe it to others to give more of myself.
Maybe this year will be about the quest for balance. Seclusion does have its place, but service does as well. This year I hope to learn new ways of focusing on myself, while fine-tuning my ability to focus on others in a healthy, unselfish way.
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