Thursday, December 08, 2005
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Here, there and everywhere...
So, we're going on about 6 months now since my last post, huh? Interesting how so much can happen in such a short time. My last post? My friend lost her battle with Satan. I couldn't save her. But I sat by the edge of the muddy pig pin and waited for her to tire of it. Eventually that did happen. She, with God's help, is in the process of digging all of that mud out of every little nook and cranny. And God is smiling on her every day.
God continues to amaze me. He is always waiting, just outside of the muck. Ready with a towel of glistening white, arms open wide. Surely He must spend a lot of time waiting beside that pig pin for us to come crawling out. Time and time again. There's something about that muddy gunk we just love. Like a drug addict, we sell ourselves to get one more hit. Before we know it, there we are again. Slipping and wallowing in the think black muck, unable to get any of it off. I thank God that He is so willing to rescue us over and over.
I had an encounter with God last week that brought me to my knees. Face down on the floor, crying like a baby. Faced with the reality of how much I have been looking to the world to find fulfillment. Oh, how dry and starved I had allowed my soul to become. How was I to witness to the world when I was turning to the very things they turn to? How was I any different from them? How selfish and warped my thinking had become that I would point an angry finger at God and blame Him for all that my life was lacking. Yet again, He ministered to me through weeks and weeks of sermons, friends, songs, emails, scripture, and even a license plate!
Again, I am amazed that God would even want anything to do with me, let alone pursue me. But pursue me, He does. I can look back over the years, and see how many things come together to reveal His love for me. How many different ways He was speaking to me, trying to get my attention. Sometimes having to love me from afar because I wouldn't let Him get any closer.
No doubt. We serve a God who loves us with a fierce, unrelenting love. He will not let us go without a fight. He will not give up on us. And He is only a whisper away.
God continues to amaze me. He is always waiting, just outside of the muck. Ready with a towel of glistening white, arms open wide. Surely He must spend a lot of time waiting beside that pig pin for us to come crawling out. Time and time again. There's something about that muddy gunk we just love. Like a drug addict, we sell ourselves to get one more hit. Before we know it, there we are again. Slipping and wallowing in the think black muck, unable to get any of it off. I thank God that He is so willing to rescue us over and over.
I had an encounter with God last week that brought me to my knees. Face down on the floor, crying like a baby. Faced with the reality of how much I have been looking to the world to find fulfillment. Oh, how dry and starved I had allowed my soul to become. How was I to witness to the world when I was turning to the very things they turn to? How was I any different from them? How selfish and warped my thinking had become that I would point an angry finger at God and blame Him for all that my life was lacking. Yet again, He ministered to me through weeks and weeks of sermons, friends, songs, emails, scripture, and even a license plate!
Again, I am amazed that God would even want anything to do with me, let alone pursue me. But pursue me, He does. I can look back over the years, and see how many things come together to reveal His love for me. How many different ways He was speaking to me, trying to get my attention. Sometimes having to love me from afar because I wouldn't let Him get any closer.
No doubt. We serve a God who loves us with a fierce, unrelenting love. He will not let us go without a fight. He will not give up on us. And He is only a whisper away.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
It's me again
Many thanks to all of you that have posted comments, sent me emails and spoken words of encouragement to me since my last post. I am definitely on the upward swing. I still do not feel that I am back to my full spiritual charge yet, but I am getting there. I tend to be a very animated person, and being in the valley is torture for me. I want my life to be vibrant and full of life and laughter all the time. Realistically I know that cannot be, but I seem to take the valley pretty hard sometimes. Anyway--not to worry. I think we all go through crusty, rank times in our lives where we just want to sit in a mud puddle and cry about what's not right our lives.
I am both blessed and cursed with creativity. Blessed because my life generally stays pretty flavorful. Cursed because my creativity is coupled with a short attention span. Blessed because I am able to come up with new and different ways to minister to others. Cursed because my desire for freshness and exploration sometimes gets me sidetracked with my spiritual walk. Let's face it, sometimes our walks are boring. I don't do boring. So after a mile or two with no angelic chorus overhead, I tend to wander off down some side road looking for adventure. Inevitably, my side roads lead me to the valley. You would think I would have figured this out by now....
This particular trip has lead me to some interesting places. And Satan was the tour guide. Actually he knew what he was doing all along. It just took me a while to catch on. Little did I know that while I was wandering off down my little side road, Satan was cooking up a big ole' casserole of trouble in the life of a close friend. When the whole thing came to a head and casserole exploded all over the kitchen, I was just beginning to peak my head out of the valley. I wasn't as prepared as I could have been to help my friend.
I quickly decided that I had to do something. My friend was about to be eaten alive by sin. So the fight began. Not a fight between my friend and I, but between us and Satan. I refuse to hand any of my friends over to Satan without a fight. Tooth and nail. Somebody, somewhere is going down.
I came to realize that I need to be more careful about my wanderings. My walk with God is not just about me. I need to be in constant communion with God so I will be better prepared to fight for myself or anyone else when the time comes. Thankfully God knows we are weak, and He pairs us with people that can stand up for us when we can't stand for ourselves.
My friend and I are still in the heat of battle. I have thrown down some pretty fierce fighting words to her Tempter. Right now she is still recovering from the initial blast. It's like a scene from a war movie. She's thrown over my shoulder and I am standing here yelling at her attacker to 'bring it on.' I probably need to calm down. Again, I'm animated. At any rate, I've had to return from the valley rather quickly, patch up my own wounds and prepare to throw down.
Please keep us in your prayers. I know God is faithful. While we aren't out of the woods yet, I believe God will deliver us. In the meantime, a lot of people stand to get hurt if Satan doesn't release his grip. I guess that's usually the case when Satan uses people as pawns in his little games.
I am both blessed and cursed with creativity. Blessed because my life generally stays pretty flavorful. Cursed because my creativity is coupled with a short attention span. Blessed because I am able to come up with new and different ways to minister to others. Cursed because my desire for freshness and exploration sometimes gets me sidetracked with my spiritual walk. Let's face it, sometimes our walks are boring. I don't do boring. So after a mile or two with no angelic chorus overhead, I tend to wander off down some side road looking for adventure. Inevitably, my side roads lead me to the valley. You would think I would have figured this out by now....
This particular trip has lead me to some interesting places. And Satan was the tour guide. Actually he knew what he was doing all along. It just took me a while to catch on. Little did I know that while I was wandering off down my little side road, Satan was cooking up a big ole' casserole of trouble in the life of a close friend. When the whole thing came to a head and casserole exploded all over the kitchen, I was just beginning to peak my head out of the valley. I wasn't as prepared as I could have been to help my friend.
I quickly decided that I had to do something. My friend was about to be eaten alive by sin. So the fight began. Not a fight between my friend and I, but between us and Satan. I refuse to hand any of my friends over to Satan without a fight. Tooth and nail. Somebody, somewhere is going down.
I came to realize that I need to be more careful about my wanderings. My walk with God is not just about me. I need to be in constant communion with God so I will be better prepared to fight for myself or anyone else when the time comes. Thankfully God knows we are weak, and He pairs us with people that can stand up for us when we can't stand for ourselves.
My friend and I are still in the heat of battle. I have thrown down some pretty fierce fighting words to her Tempter. Right now she is still recovering from the initial blast. It's like a scene from a war movie. She's thrown over my shoulder and I am standing here yelling at her attacker to 'bring it on.' I probably need to calm down. Again, I'm animated. At any rate, I've had to return from the valley rather quickly, patch up my own wounds and prepare to throw down.
Please keep us in your prayers. I know God is faithful. While we aren't out of the woods yet, I believe God will deliver us. In the meantime, a lot of people stand to get hurt if Satan doesn't release his grip. I guess that's usually the case when Satan uses people as pawns in his little games.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Blah Blah Blue
It's been forever since my last post. Here's why. I've run out of words. Life has sort of lost it's flavor lately. All the colors in my mind have dried up. My spiritual life is dusty and stale. My relationships are running on auto-pilot. And I seem to be hovering somewhere in outer space, looking around and wondering how I got here.
PLEASE pray for me. I need serious revival in my life right now.
PLEASE pray for me. I need serious revival in my life right now.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Bread of Life
This is for my dear friend Jon.
It has recently occurred to me that becoming a Christian is a lot like becoming a lump of raw dough. Accepting Christ is the final ingredient that sort of gels everything together and all the liquids and powders have meshed. You are now a squishy glob of dough.
You are then dumped out of the security of your mixing bowl onto a 'floured' surface. Great. Dusty ole flour. But the dusty flour is necessary to keep you from sticking. The Chef rolls you over, squishing you, mashing you, stretching you. Sometimes dough has to be punched (literally) and thrown around. Flopped back down onto the 'floured' surface. Over and over. Finally after the kneading is complete, you are ready to rise.
You are placed in a special place at just the right temperature, covered by a towel (God's hand) and allowed to just sit (or so it seems). While you are in your element, just "sitting" you realize you are growing. God will leave you here for just the right amount of time. He won't let you 'rise' too long. Trust me, one time I forgot about some homemade bread I was allowing to rise and when I came back it had grown completely out of the bowl and was spilling over onto the kitchen counter. God won't let us rise too much. We might become to big for our britches and get in His way. Too much "sitting" will leave us fat and useless. So it's off to the fire with ya.
Once the kneading and rising are complete, you are then placed in a fiery hot oven and cooked. (What heat are you in right now?) Not only that, you are placed inside some sort of pan that constricts your shape. When you were raw dough, your form was free. Now you have this boundary. You will be left in the fire just long enough to set. That way, when you are taken out of the pan, you will retain it's shape and the pan won't have to hold you together any more.
Now you are done. Oh wait, not yet. Now you will be cut, sliced, possibly torn apart, buttered, maybe toasted some more, maybe soaked in milk and dredged through egg and sugar and re-cooked. You might be frozen or allowed to dry out and turned into bread crumbs. You might be torn into tiny bits and fed to a duck.
Just remember this--you were created to bring nourishment. Bread sustains life. It is almost always present at parties and feasts. Countless children hold it as a prize possession that tenderly houses their PB&J. The world at large recognizes the value and delicacy of bread, although you will occasionally get a cashier that tosses your bread in the grocery sack under a gallon of milk. Just par for the course.
We are all in the process somewhere. Some of us are being tossed in the air and flipped over and over on a floured surface. Some are sitting, rising. Some are being baked, while others are being celebrated. And some of us are in the bottom of the grocery bag under a gallon of milk. Regardless, we are all here to nourish. God WILL use us in the right recipe at the right time, as long as we remember HE is the Chef and we are the dough. There's no hopping out of the mixing bowl or walking out of the oven. Each stage has a purpose that leads to a divine end.
It has recently occurred to me that becoming a Christian is a lot like becoming a lump of raw dough. Accepting Christ is the final ingredient that sort of gels everything together and all the liquids and powders have meshed. You are now a squishy glob of dough.
You are then dumped out of the security of your mixing bowl onto a 'floured' surface. Great. Dusty ole flour. But the dusty flour is necessary to keep you from sticking. The Chef rolls you over, squishing you, mashing you, stretching you. Sometimes dough has to be punched (literally) and thrown around. Flopped back down onto the 'floured' surface. Over and over. Finally after the kneading is complete, you are ready to rise.
You are placed in a special place at just the right temperature, covered by a towel (God's hand) and allowed to just sit (or so it seems). While you are in your element, just "sitting" you realize you are growing. God will leave you here for just the right amount of time. He won't let you 'rise' too long. Trust me, one time I forgot about some homemade bread I was allowing to rise and when I came back it had grown completely out of the bowl and was spilling over onto the kitchen counter. God won't let us rise too much. We might become to big for our britches and get in His way. Too much "sitting" will leave us fat and useless. So it's off to the fire with ya.
Once the kneading and rising are complete, you are then placed in a fiery hot oven and cooked. (What heat are you in right now?) Not only that, you are placed inside some sort of pan that constricts your shape. When you were raw dough, your form was free. Now you have this boundary. You will be left in the fire just long enough to set. That way, when you are taken out of the pan, you will retain it's shape and the pan won't have to hold you together any more.
Now you are done. Oh wait, not yet. Now you will be cut, sliced, possibly torn apart, buttered, maybe toasted some more, maybe soaked in milk and dredged through egg and sugar and re-cooked. You might be frozen or allowed to dry out and turned into bread crumbs. You might be torn into tiny bits and fed to a duck.
Just remember this--you were created to bring nourishment. Bread sustains life. It is almost always present at parties and feasts. Countless children hold it as a prize possession that tenderly houses their PB&J. The world at large recognizes the value and delicacy of bread, although you will occasionally get a cashier that tosses your bread in the grocery sack under a gallon of milk. Just par for the course.
We are all in the process somewhere. Some of us are being tossed in the air and flipped over and over on a floured surface. Some are sitting, rising. Some are being baked, while others are being celebrated. And some of us are in the bottom of the grocery bag under a gallon of milk. Regardless, we are all here to nourish. God WILL use us in the right recipe at the right time, as long as we remember HE is the Chef and we are the dough. There's no hopping out of the mixing bowl or walking out of the oven. Each stage has a purpose that leads to a divine end.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Hijacked
I've been away for so long!! My computer was taken over by a browser hi-jacker, and I could not access my blog or anyone else's. It was a nightmare getting everything quarantined and operational again. The entire time I was dealing with this frustration, I couldn't help but relate it to how messed up we can become when Satan hi-jacks our lives.
My computer was hi-jacked one day without my knowledge. Some deviant just sneaked in and took over. I'm sure there were other "cookies" and spyware programs that opened the door for this massive take-over, but I was oblivious. I never swept my system for junk like that. Sure, I had "virus protection" installed, but I never ran a deep clean scan of all my files and operating systems to see what might be buried deep inside. Eventually my failure to do the proper maintenance forfeited my freedom to surf the web and I fell victim to the controls of the hi-jackers.
Looking at this from a spiritual perspective, how often have I viewed church attendance as my "virus protection," assuming that my punching a time card will be enough to keep me in line? Satan would love that because he is able to sneak in through some backdoor when we let our guard down. That's what scares me about these internet hi-jackers. I don't know where they come from or how they get in. Truthfully I can't spend all my time worrying about that. As long as I equip myself with the proper tools to search them out and destroy them, I will be okay. So it is with Satan. I don't always know what little thing he is going to use to try and get a foothold in my life. That's why it is so important for me to continually sweep my soul for "spyware" and equip myself with spiritual tools to combat him.
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8
"Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you - unless of course, you fail the test?" 2 Cor 13: 5
I installed a program on my system called Spyware Doctor that scans my system each time I sign on. It runs other scans at various times and alerts me of "infections" it finds. When I am on the web and am about to enter a site that may have potentially compromising content (as far as spyware, cookies, etc) it will alert me that the site I am entering may contain things that could infect or damage my system and asks me if I want to continue. Before installing this onto my computer, I apparently just stumbled around allowing all kinds of "bacteria" to attach itself to my system.
We have so many tools with which to scan our lives spiritually and be cleansed and prevent infection. God gives us His Spirit, the Word and friends to hold us accountable (just to name a few). If we are not utilizing these tools to keep ourselves in top working condition, we will begin to slow down and eventually be crippled by the fungi and junk that will choke out our spirits.
Prevention is so much easier and more pleasant that re-construction. Once that infection gets into your system and takes over, getting order restored can be very time consuming and painful. That's so true in our lives. Not to say that forgiveness doesn't come quickly, but forgiveness doesn't always undo circumstances. While my system was infected, I was cut off from the outside world. I was stuck here - just me and my problem. During my absence, I was robbed of opportunities to encourage others and be encouraged by them. In essence, my system problem effected more people than just me.
I encourage you today to install some spiritual spyware doctors in your life. Run that deep scan of your system. You might be surprised at how junky it has become. But I guarantee that you will feel a new kind of freedom once that stuff is quarantined and removed!
"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Heb 12:1
My computer was hi-jacked one day without my knowledge. Some deviant just sneaked in and took over. I'm sure there were other "cookies" and spyware programs that opened the door for this massive take-over, but I was oblivious. I never swept my system for junk like that. Sure, I had "virus protection" installed, but I never ran a deep clean scan of all my files and operating systems to see what might be buried deep inside. Eventually my failure to do the proper maintenance forfeited my freedom to surf the web and I fell victim to the controls of the hi-jackers.
Looking at this from a spiritual perspective, how often have I viewed church attendance as my "virus protection," assuming that my punching a time card will be enough to keep me in line? Satan would love that because he is able to sneak in through some backdoor when we let our guard down. That's what scares me about these internet hi-jackers. I don't know where they come from or how they get in. Truthfully I can't spend all my time worrying about that. As long as I equip myself with the proper tools to search them out and destroy them, I will be okay. So it is with Satan. I don't always know what little thing he is going to use to try and get a foothold in my life. That's why it is so important for me to continually sweep my soul for "spyware" and equip myself with spiritual tools to combat him.
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8
"Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you - unless of course, you fail the test?" 2 Cor 13: 5
I installed a program on my system called Spyware Doctor that scans my system each time I sign on. It runs other scans at various times and alerts me of "infections" it finds. When I am on the web and am about to enter a site that may have potentially compromising content (as far as spyware, cookies, etc) it will alert me that the site I am entering may contain things that could infect or damage my system and asks me if I want to continue. Before installing this onto my computer, I apparently just stumbled around allowing all kinds of "bacteria" to attach itself to my system.
We have so many tools with which to scan our lives spiritually and be cleansed and prevent infection. God gives us His Spirit, the Word and friends to hold us accountable (just to name a few). If we are not utilizing these tools to keep ourselves in top working condition, we will begin to slow down and eventually be crippled by the fungi and junk that will choke out our spirits.
Prevention is so much easier and more pleasant that re-construction. Once that infection gets into your system and takes over, getting order restored can be very time consuming and painful. That's so true in our lives. Not to say that forgiveness doesn't come quickly, but forgiveness doesn't always undo circumstances. While my system was infected, I was cut off from the outside world. I was stuck here - just me and my problem. During my absence, I was robbed of opportunities to encourage others and be encouraged by them. In essence, my system problem effected more people than just me.
I encourage you today to install some spiritual spyware doctors in your life. Run that deep scan of your system. You might be surprised at how junky it has become. But I guarantee that you will feel a new kind of freedom once that stuff is quarantined and removed!
"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Heb 12:1
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Ode to Kim
Kim,
I want to thank you for your recent comment. You will never know how much it meant to me! God has spoken to me through you. I feel like God called me several years ago to write. I think He plans to some day make a "ministry" out of it. While I feel completely inadequate and unworthy of writing anything, He keeps pushing me out there.
I am continually amazed at how He works. How He knits people together who have never even met and uses them to encourage, challenge and inspire each other. I guess it is really important to listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit because we never know who He plans to touch through us. When we get wrapped up in ourselves and ignore the Spirit, not only do we miss out--we may be stealing a blessing from someone else. Thank you for being in tune with Him!!!
I promise I have not left Bloggerland. I have so much to share. So many things God has been teaching me lately. It seems I have bitten off a little more than I can chew right now. Along with the new job, I am taking a photography class, co-leading a Bible study and editing/publishing a monthly newsletter for the ladies' ministry at church. At any rate, I've let myself get way too busy! So I've decided to take 1/2 day off work tomorrow to get caught up on some things. Hopefully I will be back to full blogger strength in the next few days!
Quick update: the job is going so much better. I am beginning to settle in. And the cantankerous cube-neighbor? "Ironically" she was put into the hospital right after I started the new job. I think she will be back some time this week. I would never wish ill on her, but it has really allowed me to make peace with my new surroundings with her not being there. (Oddly enough, this is the 5th time in my life that a person who was 'less than pleasant' to me has been removed from my life. 3 died, one moved away and this one was hospitalized. And, no I haven't been putting ground glass in anyone's salad. Interesting though, isn't it?)
Anyway, I am alive and kicking. I am off to bed now. Sometimes I think the best thing we can do for ourselves spiritually is to get some sleep.
Kim, thanks again for the encouragement. Again, you just don't know what that meant to me!!
Blessings~
Aleah
I want to thank you for your recent comment. You will never know how much it meant to me! God has spoken to me through you. I feel like God called me several years ago to write. I think He plans to some day make a "ministry" out of it. While I feel completely inadequate and unworthy of writing anything, He keeps pushing me out there.
I am continually amazed at how He works. How He knits people together who have never even met and uses them to encourage, challenge and inspire each other. I guess it is really important to listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit because we never know who He plans to touch through us. When we get wrapped up in ourselves and ignore the Spirit, not only do we miss out--we may be stealing a blessing from someone else. Thank you for being in tune with Him!!!
I promise I have not left Bloggerland. I have so much to share. So many things God has been teaching me lately. It seems I have bitten off a little more than I can chew right now. Along with the new job, I am taking a photography class, co-leading a Bible study and editing/publishing a monthly newsletter for the ladies' ministry at church. At any rate, I've let myself get way too busy! So I've decided to take 1/2 day off work tomorrow to get caught up on some things. Hopefully I will be back to full blogger strength in the next few days!
Quick update: the job is going so much better. I am beginning to settle in. And the cantankerous cube-neighbor? "Ironically" she was put into the hospital right after I started the new job. I think she will be back some time this week. I would never wish ill on her, but it has really allowed me to make peace with my new surroundings with her not being there. (Oddly enough, this is the 5th time in my life that a person who was 'less than pleasant' to me has been removed from my life. 3 died, one moved away and this one was hospitalized. And, no I haven't been putting ground glass in anyone's salad. Interesting though, isn't it?)
Anyway, I am alive and kicking. I am off to bed now. Sometimes I think the best thing we can do for ourselves spiritually is to get some sleep.
Kim, thanks again for the encouragement. Again, you just don't know what that meant to me!!
Blessings~
Aleah
Friday, January 07, 2005
Low Fuel Light
First of all, let me apologize for this post up front as I am running on fumes, having suffered insomnia for going on 5 nights now. Coherence maybe a lofty goal today...
As I said, I have been battling insomnia for 5 straight nights. At first, I thought maybe my new job was to blame. But today I realized that I am on the tail-end of a week of spiritual warfare. This week seems like a foggy dream to me, at least in my current state of mind.
I took on some new responsibilities at work this week that I feel radically ill-equipped to perform. I have a new cube-neighbor who's negative energy completely permeates a room. Therefore I have been a little stressed. Oddly enough, in the midst of this "stress" I have felt more excitement and heard God speaking more than ever. He has answered prayers left and right. He has proven Himself faithful. He has given me strength, understanding and abilities to do things that do not come naturally to me. I have even taken some steps and done some specific things that have purposely shoved me out of my comfort zone. And I have found very little slumber...
I believe God has awakened me in the middle of the night on several occasions. Each time was different, but each time I just knew it was Him. I was lead to something in His Word that I would not have otherwise known to be there. Each time, the interruption in sleep only served to energize me. But this week, the awakenings I have experienced have been different. They have been empty and draining. With each awakening, my mind has been filled with cobwebs. Random, scattered thoughts shot through my mind like lightning. Never there long enough for cohesion, but loud and bright enough to derail rest. I believe the Enemy was at work.
This morning, I reported to work fully aware of my weakened condition. Before I began work, I stopped to pray, acknowledging to God that I was exhausted-mentally and physically. I knew I would be more susceptible to temptation and attack. I asked for His protection and grace. As I staggered through the day, I could feel my batteries running down. Just as I would think I was going to completely wind down, God would send a charge-a passage from a book, an encouraging email, a kind word, someone speaking the Truth to me. I would be re-energized. But as humans tend to do, I would begin to run down again. Each time, God would provide just enough of a boost to keep me going. At the end of the day, I got in the car to come home, and as I pulled into the street my low fuel light lit up. How appropriate. Suddenly, enough synapses fired for me to realize that I had just gone through a week of spiritual warfare, experiencing highs, discoveries, growth spurts and persecution, ridicule, attack and temptation. Satan does NOT want this to be a year of change for me.
I think it's important to acknowledge when our low fuel lights are blinking. It is inevitable. We need to stop and rest. Even spiritual highs can be draining. Sometimes we just need to rest. Even God rested. We don't have to create the world to need a break. And physical activity is not the only thing responsible for running down our batteries. Sometimes mental and spiritual activity can be equally as exhausting. And that's okay. There are well over 50 verses in the Bible that reference 'rest.'
I yawn as I type this, and I pray that I will find sweet slumber tonight. God created me to run down, to need refreshing, recharging. I'm thankful for my low fuel light alerting me it is time to slow down, get quiet, and enjoy a time of renewal. I pray God's refreshing will pour over me like cool water on a steamy, hot summer day.
"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." Psalm 116:7
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1
"...Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." Mark 6:31b
As I said, I have been battling insomnia for 5 straight nights. At first, I thought maybe my new job was to blame. But today I realized that I am on the tail-end of a week of spiritual warfare. This week seems like a foggy dream to me, at least in my current state of mind.
I took on some new responsibilities at work this week that I feel radically ill-equipped to perform. I have a new cube-neighbor who's negative energy completely permeates a room. Therefore I have been a little stressed. Oddly enough, in the midst of this "stress" I have felt more excitement and heard God speaking more than ever. He has answered prayers left and right. He has proven Himself faithful. He has given me strength, understanding and abilities to do things that do not come naturally to me. I have even taken some steps and done some specific things that have purposely shoved me out of my comfort zone. And I have found very little slumber...
I believe God has awakened me in the middle of the night on several occasions. Each time was different, but each time I just knew it was Him. I was lead to something in His Word that I would not have otherwise known to be there. Each time, the interruption in sleep only served to energize me. But this week, the awakenings I have experienced have been different. They have been empty and draining. With each awakening, my mind has been filled with cobwebs. Random, scattered thoughts shot through my mind like lightning. Never there long enough for cohesion, but loud and bright enough to derail rest. I believe the Enemy was at work.
This morning, I reported to work fully aware of my weakened condition. Before I began work, I stopped to pray, acknowledging to God that I was exhausted-mentally and physically. I knew I would be more susceptible to temptation and attack. I asked for His protection and grace. As I staggered through the day, I could feel my batteries running down. Just as I would think I was going to completely wind down, God would send a charge-a passage from a book, an encouraging email, a kind word, someone speaking the Truth to me. I would be re-energized. But as humans tend to do, I would begin to run down again. Each time, God would provide just enough of a boost to keep me going. At the end of the day, I got in the car to come home, and as I pulled into the street my low fuel light lit up. How appropriate. Suddenly, enough synapses fired for me to realize that I had just gone through a week of spiritual warfare, experiencing highs, discoveries, growth spurts and persecution, ridicule, attack and temptation. Satan does NOT want this to be a year of change for me.
I think it's important to acknowledge when our low fuel lights are blinking. It is inevitable. We need to stop and rest. Even spiritual highs can be draining. Sometimes we just need to rest. Even God rested. We don't have to create the world to need a break. And physical activity is not the only thing responsible for running down our batteries. Sometimes mental and spiritual activity can be equally as exhausting. And that's okay. There are well over 50 verses in the Bible that reference 'rest.'
I yawn as I type this, and I pray that I will find sweet slumber tonight. God created me to run down, to need refreshing, recharging. I'm thankful for my low fuel light alerting me it is time to slow down, get quiet, and enjoy a time of renewal. I pray God's refreshing will pour over me like cool water on a steamy, hot summer day.
"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." Psalm 116:7
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1
"...Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." Mark 6:31b
Thursday, January 06, 2005
A Year Of Change
Last year I declared that 2005 was going to be a year of tremendous change for me. Not change that I necessarily initiated, but major change nonetheless. I really felt God speaking to my heart that some big changes and growth spurts were around the corner. As 2004 drew to a close, I began to feel like an eight year old on Christmas Eve. I relayed my feelings to some other Christians and was told they felt the same way. One girl told me that her pastor had stated that 2005 was going to be a year of tremendous blessings for all Christians everywhere. Long awaited prayers would be answered. Blessings would be in abundance. Growth would be tremendous. The more I prayed, shared with other Christians and eagerly anticipated this new year, the more excited I got.
I spent New Year's Eve with a very close friend who shares my desire and excitement for change, growth, blessing and answered prayers in 2005. We spent 2 1/2 hours praying in the New Year. I have been on a spiritual high since.
One of my goals for this year is to read 52 new books that will challenge me spiritually. One book per week. This week I am reading John Ortberg's "The Life You've Always Wanted." Every time I open that book, I get so excited and inspired and challenged that I have to stop and tell people around me.
I started a new job at work on January 3rd. I have had to move to a new desk, which is right beside the one person in the office that no one wants to be around. She is extremely negative and just down right hateful sometimes. To make matters worse, part of my job responsibilities are taking over some accounts she used to handle. So she is very defensive and suspicious of anything I do. In 2004 and prior, this would have sent my blood pressure through the roof. But not now. 2005 is my year of change! In fact, I was challenged by her attitude this very day. I recalled something I had read in Jon Owen's blog the other day about God not giving us the treatment we deserved, and how we need to remember that when dealing with difficult people. So I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and prayed for God to help me to bless this woman, to serve her, to deal with her in Grace, and for God to give her the peace and joy that is so lacking from her life. When I returned to my desk, she was quiet and I was calm. Excited, actually.
Interestingly, my new assistant is a Christian. So far, every day we have started the day either with prayer or discussion about God and His Word. We often talk about God and what He is saying to us and doing in our lives. I don't think it is a mistake that she and I are sitting next to the office grouch--because she is free to overhear every conversation we have!
Everywhere I turn, God is speaking to me. Tonight I was at the drugstore and happened to pick up a candle. On the box was a word from God. "Let go. Clean the slate and gain courage for a fresh start. Daring starts from within. You have a safe passage to grow beyond your self-imposed limitations. Inside, your life force energy (which I know is God) burns strongly. If you'll listen, you'll discover what your soul is trying to tell you. Imagine yourself soaring like an eagle high above mundane daily details. Suddenly, your soul takes flight. As you soar, you can finally see the larger landscape around you. It's full of new possibilities. Things are clearer. Be alert to what is beginning to awaken in you."
So many things have happened to me this week. So many things have been spoken to my heart. Clouds are starting to part and some things are starting to become clear. Other things that are not yet clear have begun to burn inside me with a passion to seek God for the answers. When I declared 2005 a Year of Change, I didn't realize how abundant and overflowing it would be just in the first week!!! I can't wait to see what the rest of the year holds--not only for me, but for all Christians everywhere!!
I spent New Year's Eve with a very close friend who shares my desire and excitement for change, growth, blessing and answered prayers in 2005. We spent 2 1/2 hours praying in the New Year. I have been on a spiritual high since.
One of my goals for this year is to read 52 new books that will challenge me spiritually. One book per week. This week I am reading John Ortberg's "The Life You've Always Wanted." Every time I open that book, I get so excited and inspired and challenged that I have to stop and tell people around me.
I started a new job at work on January 3rd. I have had to move to a new desk, which is right beside the one person in the office that no one wants to be around. She is extremely negative and just down right hateful sometimes. To make matters worse, part of my job responsibilities are taking over some accounts she used to handle. So she is very defensive and suspicious of anything I do. In 2004 and prior, this would have sent my blood pressure through the roof. But not now. 2005 is my year of change! In fact, I was challenged by her attitude this very day. I recalled something I had read in Jon Owen's blog the other day about God not giving us the treatment we deserved, and how we need to remember that when dealing with difficult people. So I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and prayed for God to help me to bless this woman, to serve her, to deal with her in Grace, and for God to give her the peace and joy that is so lacking from her life. When I returned to my desk, she was quiet and I was calm. Excited, actually.
Interestingly, my new assistant is a Christian. So far, every day we have started the day either with prayer or discussion about God and His Word. We often talk about God and what He is saying to us and doing in our lives. I don't think it is a mistake that she and I are sitting next to the office grouch--because she is free to overhear every conversation we have!
Everywhere I turn, God is speaking to me. Tonight I was at the drugstore and happened to pick up a candle. On the box was a word from God. "Let go. Clean the slate and gain courage for a fresh start. Daring starts from within. You have a safe passage to grow beyond your self-imposed limitations. Inside, your life force energy (which I know is God) burns strongly. If you'll listen, you'll discover what your soul is trying to tell you. Imagine yourself soaring like an eagle high above mundane daily details. Suddenly, your soul takes flight. As you soar, you can finally see the larger landscape around you. It's full of new possibilities. Things are clearer. Be alert to what is beginning to awaken in you."
So many things have happened to me this week. So many things have been spoken to my heart. Clouds are starting to part and some things are starting to become clear. Other things that are not yet clear have begun to burn inside me with a passion to seek God for the answers. When I declared 2005 a Year of Change, I didn't realize how abundant and overflowing it would be just in the first week!!! I can't wait to see what the rest of the year holds--not only for me, but for all Christians everywhere!!
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