Write it down

My dad is a counselor. He is always telling his clients to journal. He says you need to write it down to get it out. I've never really taken his advice before (no surprise, huh Diddy?). I am one that needs to discover it for myself for some reason. Recently a friend gave me a life-changing book that encourages journaling. So I finally decided to give it a try.

Blogging and journaling are two different things. Journaling involves ripping junk right out of your heart and slapping it down on paper. If you need to cuss, cuss. If you need to change topics at random in the middle of a paragraph - do it. Put pen to paper and write it out long hand. Do whatever it takes - just get the thoughts onto paper.

I have committed to journal 3 pages every morning before getting out of bed. Start the day off fresh - get the junk out and don't carry it into your day with you. Funnily enough, once I started journaling - I can't seem to stop. In the past 7 days, I have written 33 pages. I can't tell you how much better I feel - how much I have learned about myself. It's unreal.

Another thing I have committed to do is NOT going back and re-reading my journal any time soon. The point is to get it out, not go back and mull it over, analyzing the whole mess. At first I was a little inhibited. I thought, "What if someone finds this. Maybe I should put some things in code." I am starting to come out of that. It's a little weird, but the more freely I allow myself to write, the easier it comes.

The best thing about it all is not just learning more about myself. It is receiving clarity on some of the lies I have believed. Seeing new things about God. Understanding who I am in relation to Him. Realizing that I am important and worth something and that's it's OK to take care of me.

If you don't journal - you should start today. I promise it will change your life...

Things to think about...

I haven't posted in while. Quite frankly, I haven't had much to say. I've been in a reflective mood lately. I promised someone I would start journaling, so I guess I've been expressing myself there. I'm on a path to unearth the real me. I haven't posted lately because I don't want to post something just to fill cyberspace with empty words, but I can offer you this:

"Integrity is a bigger thing than telling the truth. It is about being a certain kind of person. It is about being people who know who we are and what we are, and it is about being true to what we are even when it could cost us more than we should like to pay." -Lewis Smedes

"Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation, because your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are." -John Wooden

"Authenticity is a powerful witness to the presence of God in our lives. It doesn't mean that we're perfect. It means that we're real. It means that we're honest about our imperfections and our struggles. We don't gloss over them and put on a happy Christian face to cover up our pain." -Rory Noland

Whatever you do, forsake all else and follow Him.

Tomorrow is the big day...

Say a prayer for my Cooper. Tomorrow is his big surgery. Prayerfully they won't find anything wrong.

Photo of the Week

Sometimes we feel like we somehow got off the path, fell by the wayside, or simply got left behind. We look around and see others who seem to have it all figured out (which, BTW, no one ever does). A temporary or perceived derailment can make you feel lonely or afraid. Take heart - God is right there with you. He knows exactly where you are even if no one else does.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

-Ps 139:7-10

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

-Jer 29:11-13

Eternal Investments

Well, I did it. Like driving a stake through the heart of a vampire, I did it. I dropped my cable TV. Actually, I kept the basic K-Mart stuff. I guess I'll get the first 11 channels or so. Mainly the networks, which I never watch anyway. But hey - at least if there's a storm within 200 miles of the coast, Rich Thomas will let me know so I can run to Publix and buy all the bread and water with the rest of the irrational population of MGM.

I am somewhat saddened by the "break up" with the cable company. I feel as though I have said good-bye to a dear friend. In fact, as I sit here and type, I am dressed in all black, veil included. Okay, not really - but I am sad nonetheless.

I felt like God has been "suggesting" to me that I lose the cable for some time now. I've been hearing Him without hearing Him, if you know what I mean. I am certain He has some amazing things planned for us to do together now that He has more of my attention, but I sure will miss those BravoTV marathons!

I read an article today written by Jill Carattini (a senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries). The article was about integrity and choices, but the last line really jumped out at me and could apply to almost any situation in life. It read:

What if you were to determine that what you are fostering here on earth, you will discover more of in heaven? Would it change the way you make decisions today?

I invest a lot of time in wasteful things like TV. Please don't misunderstand - there is nothing wrong with watching some TV. But I seem to have an art for taking things to the extreme. I think of TV and other things that I sometimes pour myself into and when run through the filter of Jill's question - there are many things that I wouldn't want MORE of in heaven! I have to wonder how much time I have spent fostering my career or watching TV or developing the fine art of shopping (poor money management). Then I stop to consider...how much time have I spent fostering my relationships, both with God and with others. How much time have I spent developing my character and gifts/talents God has blessed me with?

Again, please know that I think it is perfectly okay to spend a lazy Saturday watching movies every once in a while. I think it's wonderful to have a "pointless" hobby. Shopping, reading books and eating chocolate are all fabulous! But making these things an art form or using them as a replacement for God - that is where they cross the line.

Life is about balance. More importantly - it is about seeing things from an eternal perspective. Making investments in things personally, spiritually, relationally that really matter. The rest is just flash anyway.

Rick Burgess - A Father's Heart part 1

I assume you've heard about the tragic death of Rick Burgess' (of Rick and Bubba) toddler son. These videos are of Rick speaking at the memorial service. They are powerful and are making a HUGE impact around the country. Please listen and be changed.

Rick Burgess - A Father's Heart part 2

Rick Burgess - A Father's Heart part 3

Reactions

I've been thinking a lot about the way I react to things. You know the old saying "Actions speak louder than words." I think reactions speak even louder than that. Reactions usually come from the heart, from the core of who you are. Do my reactions bring glory to Christ? Unfortunately, not always.

Work is one of the most 'reactive' places in my life. I don't know what it is about that place. Maybe we just have more than our fair share of irritating people?? :) Doubt it. I think I am more aware of and convicted about my reactions to life at work than other places. At work, I am surrounded by people that do not know God. Every day I am given the chance to present God to my co-workers through my reactions. I know I fall short too often.

Several things have come together lately to bring this issue to the forefront for me. I was reading the Bible a few days ago and realized I was reacting to a particular scripture like I had many times before. It was several stories about Abraham and Jacob where they lied for various reasons. They seemed to suffer no immediate consequences and, in fact, reaped material gain. My reaction to that has always been to wonder why they were able to lie and not only get away with it, but even seem to get a blessing out of it.

While the reaction was not a new one, the Spirit convicted me this time. I realized that I read the Bible as if I expected God to be more like me. I expected punishment or at least rebuke for their failure to be perfect. I was not reading the stories and seeing a God of mercy and grace who loved and used people despite their imperfections. I became sad to realize that I projected my own imperfections onto God and others, thus expecting God's reaction to more human than Divine.

A week or so later, the sermon at church was on the condition of our hearts. Buddy said that a good indicator of the condition of our hearts was our speech. He put up 2 lists. One had things on it like doubt, gossip, anger, critical, irritable, judging, arrogant, etc. The second had things like love, praise, encouragement, gracious, joyful, testimonies, etc. Unfortunately I found that more of my speech was reflected in the first list. If the mouth is the overflow of the heart, obviously mine needs some work.

I think my attitude at work, my skewed perspective on the Bible and my overall speaking life reflect a heart that has become selfish and worldly. I've been focused too much on things of this world - things that are temporary rather than on things eternal. I am so grateful that God is the loving, patient, merciful, gracious, forgiving God of the Bible rather than the twisted human God I thought He should be (I wouldn't survive serving a God like that)! I'm glad that God cares enough about me to reach right out of the pages of my Bible, tap me on the shoulder and say, "Uh, excuse me. You'll need to read that one again."

Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me.
Ps 51:10

OK, so I spent a couple of hours organizing and updating my photo gallery online today. Since I've spent all that time, shouldn't someone at least go look at it?

The gift of individuality

I was listening to Ravi Zacharias today at lunch, and he made a statement that really stood out to me. He said that our most unique gift from God is our individuality. He's given it to no one else. We should embrace who we are, own it - and then give it back to God.

Many times I find myself looking at the lives, ministries and talents of others wishing I were in their shoes. I realized long ago that no one's shoes fit them as well as they seem to. Life is always rubbing blisters and causing aches and pains that others may not notice. We've all heard, "Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes." I think that applies not only to judging someone, but also to envying them.

God has blessed each of us so richly - and so uniquely. I love to see someone in their "element" doing something that truly enables their gifts and passions. It's almost magic to watch. Often times, those magical people are the rare, the few who go against the grain and pursue life with a different purpose and passion than the majority.

Too often we spend all of our energy trying to fit in or become someone else, that we completely miss the individual God gifted us to be. Standing out is scary and sometimes ridiculed. Rather it should be celebrated and embraced. If everyone stood out, no one would.

Christ stood out from the crowd, that's for sure. Yet He never withdrew from who He was (or Whose He was). His life had a purpose and He was confident in that. I think maybe we fight our gift of individuality because we don't understand it. We aren't sure what we are supposed to do with it, so we latch on to someone else who seems to have a cool thing going.

For me, I have to take a step back and rediscover who I am. Spend lots of time with God. The more time I spend with God and with me - the more clearly I can see who I was designed to be and what I was designed to do.

Spiritual Marinade

I love a good juicy steak or chicken breast that has been marinated well. Man, how that enhances the flavor! I've also eaten my share of unmarinated meat. It'll do, but it's certainly no substitution for the full deal.

While marinating is a virtual miracle in the kitchen, I don't much care for it when I am the "meat." Since I feel like I spend a lot of time marinating spiritually, I decided to look up the term online just to see what I found. I was amused. (Check it out here.)

Of course, we all know that marinating is the process of soaking food in some form of liquid in order to juicy it up. It also helps soften tough meat and vegetables. The marinade is often acidic because that helps break down the tissue and allow it to absorb moisture (thus, the juicy). Here's one thing I didn't know...There is a reaction that occurs within meat when it is char-broiled that is said to produce cancer causing agents. However, if the meat is marinated first, the production of those agents is reduced 92-99%.

When God is trying to soften me up or break me down so I am better able to absorb His Spirit, I am often trying to climb out of the marinade. I'm ready to hop on the grill. If allowed to marinate properly, I'd be "juicy" and when squeezed by life, His Spirit would flow from me more abundantly. But when I try to fore go the marinade and jump right into the flames, I am at greater risk for developing cancer causing agents, thus becoming infected and possibly infecting others.

So I am trying very hard to work on patiently waiting in the marinade. Soaking up all I can. Because, truthfully - when I am finally released to jump into the flames, then I'll be blogging about how hot it is and wishing I was back in the marinade! Oh, that I could simply be open and content where ever I am!

Have a nice day

Today after work I had to stop by the store (isn't it funny how we use these huge generalities in life? 'The store' as if there's only one store. Anyway - moving on.). As I was leaving, I met a girl at the door. She was about my age, maybe a few years younger. She was coming in as I was leaving. As we both approached the door, she reached it first so she held the door open to allow me to exit. I said, "Thank you" and stepped over the threshold. Then the most amazing thing happened...

She said, "You're welcome. Have a good afternoon."

I was a bit startled at first. Don't get me wrong. I've shared many, "excuse me's" , "thank you's" , and "you're welcome's" over the thresholds of many a doorway. But I don't think I've ever received a follow-up "Have a good afternoon." Wow!

It instantly perked me up and lifted my spirit. I wasn't in a bad mood or anything, just my usual self-absorbed shell where I exist in my head somewhat oblivious to the world around me. Don't worry. I didn't leave her hanging. I did respond with a hearty, "Thanks! You too!"

This girl's simple act and statement of kindness and outreach really impacted my day. So wherever you are, Girl From Hobby Lobby, thank you for bringing a smile to my day!! I hope I can be more like you. The world would certainly be a better place if we all treated each other that way. What is it the new Allstate commercial says? Drive like there are real people on the road with you rather than just something that's in your way (or something like that).

God in the Flesh

For the past few weeks I have been listening to a couple of speakers on Christian radio at lunch. The Bible studies and lessons are always timely. For the past couple of days I've been listening to a guy named Stuart McAlister. Today he cited this quote:

"The incarnation should be the model for missions."

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. (John 1:14)

Are we living as God in the flesh to the world around us? Jesus' whole being was to bring others into a relationship with God. Is mine? Whether we are at home, at work, overseas, at the grocery store. Does my life cause the word to become flesh to those around me? Does my life really revolve around bringing Christ to the world?

Another thing that hit me there is "dwelt among us." I have been blessed to have had many non-believing friends throughout my life. I know this is something a lot of Christians struggle with - only having friends at church. Sometimes my non-Christian friends teach me more about God and Christianity than church does. My non-believing friends keep me grounded in a different way than my Christian friends do. They help me see beyond the starch, fake, church act we sometimes play with each other. Often times they are more quick to call me out when I step out of line. They keep me real.

On the flip side, while the lost of the world may not have a relationship with God - who do they often turn to when they have a crisis or a question? One of His children. When their lives fall apart or they need support, they may come seeking advice or even prayer. It is in these times that I hope I am able to help them see it is God they really seek.

This lesson today had so much good information (way too much to share in one post) but that one statement really reminded me that I need to remember that my life should cause the word to become flesh, a walking sermon if you will, to the lost around me. At the same time, I need to actually dwell among some unbelievers if I ever intend to minister to any!

Time in the ark

I was reading about Noah the other day, and something struck a chord with me. First, I've never really paid attention to the fact that they were in the ark for almost one year. I'm sure I've heard this before, but that point never really settled into the wrinkles in my brain. I mention it because I am a person that wants instant answers and instant fixes. The idea of being trapped in a big smelly boat full of animals and no lido deck makes me want to gnaw my foot off - let alone being stuck there for a YEAR!

Then I realized that sometimes God needs to put us in a place of confinement for our protection, healing and growth. He may surround us only with what we need. Food, shelter and family. We may experience this as a result of some cleansing He is doing in our world around us - but often times it is because He needs to do some cleansing within us.

I recently decided that I will need to move back home for a couple of years. I love my family dearly and have no problems living with them. But I dread the thought of temporarily giving up my independence and reducing my living quarters to one small bedroom. Then I read the story of Noah. It made me realize that this is my ark time. Some changes need to be made. Cleansing needs to take place. Rebuilding needs to be done.

So I welcome this upcoming period of "confinement." I look forward to the day God opens the door and I step out into a whole new refreshing beginning.

With each breath I take, I realize how gracious God is. I stand amazed and completely awed by the extent of His compassion and mercy. His patience is so far-reaching that I cannot comprehend it. He has the gentle touch of a feather, yet rules with the power of a thousand mighty warriors. He seems to be such an all encompassing contradiction in terms. Better yet, He wants ME to know Him with an intimacy like nothing I've ever known.

Each morning as we walk through the dusty sands of Bible times, He gently takes my hand and I feel His breath fall over me like a cool breeze. He enlightens my soul, heals my wounds and calms my fears. He delights in playful waiting - never with intentions to harm, rather to teach and to test. I see that glimmer in His eye when I succumb to His plan and yield my own. I also feel the reassuring touch of His hand when I am likened to an untamed horse - bucking and screeching under the reins. And that patience remains - firm and steady, ushering me into a place of peace.

I hear the quick drawing of His breath as He looks on my timid steps. I see the slight smile that edges across His face as I gain my footing. Faith and strength slowly building like the new legs of a fresh-birthed fawn.

Oh, to please only Him.