Why Heaven?

I am still going to my Heaven class. I think I have moved from a sense of awe and excitement to a sense of confusion and frustration. The more I hear, read and discuss - the more confused I feel. What will Heaven be like? Ask 100 people, get 100 answers. I know we can't ever truly get our brains around the concept of Heaven and eternity. We are too finite. That much I do understand. But if Heaven is supposed to be the point, shouldn't we be able to understand it? Have some general idea of what it will entail? Be able to "sell" others on going there? Be genuinely excited about going there ourselves? I'm sorry, but I have a hard time getting excited about something I find difficult to comprehend. I have that old feeling I used to get sitting at the kitchen table with my dad trying to work through algebra problems.

I don't want my desire for Heaven to simply be an "it beats the alternative" mentality. I'm a Christian, so I'm supposed to have a bubbly exuberance and eager anticipation for eternity, right? The thought of "standing before the throne of God singing" FFFFFOOOOORRRRREEEEEVVVVVEEEEERRRR sounds boring to me. Don't get me wrong. I love to sing. I definitely want to hang out with God. But just standing there in a big crowd doing that forever isn't all that appealing to me. Now enters the debate. What will we do in Heaven? Is the Bible's voice regarding Heaven literal or figurative? Mansions - literal or figurative? If they're literal, will I ever get to see mine if I am participating in a never ending church service? Treasures in Heaven, crowns, streets of gold, etc, etc, etc. Literal or figurative?

And our bodies. What kind will they be? A transformed version of what we have now. But what does that really mean? Honestly, that part doesn't really matter to me. As long as whatever body I have goes there, who cares. But it has been another topic of debate. And where is Heaven? Up there? Coming down here? Some other coexisting dimension we cannot yet see? Again, no matter to me as long as I'm there.

There have been so many issues raised in this class. Issues about death, judgment (when is it and what will we do in between death and judgment if it isn't immediate...), levels of Heaven, Hell - what they'll know/what we'll know, rewards, crowns, and again - what will we do, think, feel. What's literal, what's not. I've heard it all from one end to the other - with scripture to back all sides.

I guess my ultimate frustration lies in the mystery of it all. I wish things were more clear. More cut and dried. I admit, I get frustrated with God sometimes and how He seems to leave us in a fog. I know we need faith and all, but sometimes I feel like saying, "God, I'm willing to do whatever, if you would just tell me." Instead I feel like I am playing guessing games. I don't know. Things just seems complicated sometimes. Hard to comprehend.

I have a hard time just accepting something because someone says so (ask my parents!). I need to know why and how. And I don't feel like I have fully grasped something until I can explain it back to you. So when I run into something that I can't get my brain around, I become frustrated. I know I have much studying to do. Like I said before, I haven't spent a lot of time really contemplating Heaven. I find it odd that we as Christians often breeze past that topic or overlook/avoid it all together when Heaven is supposed to be our goal. When I set other goals, I know why I've set them, what I plan to do when I reach them, what benefits I will receive, and I try to plan how I will get there. Yet here is this ultimate and outstandingly important goal, and I have spent so little time focusing on it specifically. I've looked all around it as if it were a solar eclipse or something.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. I just had to vent. On to more studying. I do believe that God wants us to have an understanding of Him and His will for us. To me, that includes eternity. So I am confident that He will be faithful to guide me. I just want the shortcut sometimes!