Instruction Manual

Lately I have been working on building my photography web-site, which is laughable. I don't have a clue about html, java or any of that. I am doing the trial and error, hit or miss method. I seem to navigate much of life this way. From childhood, I have always hated to read the instructions. I want to jump right in and get started. In school, I never studied. Most tests were passed simply using what I had heard in class. I realized last night that I allow this impatience to spill over into my spiritual life.

I don't want to spend time studying, and often don't want to wait for direction from God. I want to jump in with both feet and start getting my hands dirty right away. While I am able to satisfy my craving for instant gratification, often I walk away with only half of the experience.

In building this web-site, I am consistently dissatisfied with it. There are 2 photographers, one here in Montgomery and one in Knoxville that I am super crazy about. Their work is amazing, and their web-sites ROCK. So I keep looking at their stuff, wanting to emulate them. Longing to be as good as they are.

Often in our spiritual walk, we will see people in the church that we think live these "mountaintop" lives (I can think of a few right off hand). We long to be like them. Yet so often, I fail to consider the time, effort, trials and experiences that have lead them to where they are. I just want to be there now. I want to skip all the work. Same with photography. How many under/overexposed pictures have these 2 photographers I admire had to trash over the years. How many books have they read? How many hours have they spent developing their craft? And my spiritual mentors...how many valleys have they been in? How many hours have they spent on their faces crying out to God? How deeply have they invested themselves in Bible study and time with God? Yet, I lust for the finished product.

I believe it is good to have mentors and people to look up to. We can learn from their experiences and mistakes. I discovered last night that I can save some web-sites into Front Page, then dissect them to see how they were built. So I can learn from those who have gone before me. I can continually look at other artists' work in order to improve my own. But ultimately, I must spend my time in the trenches. I must go through my "grasshopper" time painting fences and waxing cars. Otherwise, I will only have an imitation shell of a product (or spiritual life) that is nowhere close to it's potential.

Chocolate shortage

Today my world almost teetered off its axis, spinning out of control into a state of oblivion unparallelled in the life of anyone this side of the moon to date. I heard rumors of a potential chocolate shortage!! Egad! I think the national threat level should be raised to level Brown immediately! Take my water. Take my oxygen. But please, for the love of all things decent and holy....don't take my chocolate.

Apparently a drought in Africa and unrest in the region has caused a slow down in the production of cocoa. Prices could sky rocket. Surely we are on the brink of an economic depression. I am picturing Charlie Bucket from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory taking his one birthday dollar and buying a block of the prized delicacy. How he cherished it. My brother, he must be.

Can I bear the thought of my specially crafted, ornately designed, gold embossed, velvet lined chocolate box sitting empty? Oh, the horror! We must all ban together and be brave in the face of this impending disaster. Please consider that you may need to begin a stockpile. Support groups may become necessary.

Dead Battery

This morning started like any other morning. I got ready for work as usual. As I got into my car to leave, however, the battery was dead. My car groaned (as I often do first thing in the morning) and refused to crank. I called my super hero friend Lisa to beg a boost. As usual she was more than willing to accommodate me. We hooked up the jumper cables, you know, black to red, red to black. Sparks were flying, but we assumed it was supposed to do that. When Lisa started her car there was a flash of light and a loud bang followed by a plume of smoke. Just kidding. We jumped the car off with no problem...

Lisa coming to my rescue has really made me think a lot about relationships. God uses my friends and family to pick me up quite often. I get a "charge" by being around them. Sometimes my batteries are low because I have been running too long without any rest and I just need a boost. Sometimes I am feeling spiritually dead and need the full shock treatment. I am so thankful that God designed us to need other people. It is so neat to me that He knits us together in such a perfect way. Despite different interests, talents, goals, fears, and experineces, He uses all of that to shape us. And best of all, He gives us those extra shoulders to help carry our burdens! Isn't God the best?

Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? Eccl 4:9-11 (Cool, God likes to snuggle!)

You are my friends, if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:15 (Jesus, the best friend of all!)

I was a murder suspect...

This weekend I attended a murder mystery dinner party. Several of us were "actors" and the evening was all about revealing clues and solving the crime. I arrived as a recently widowed Italian woman whose husband had been murdered 4 days earlier. As the evening progressed, I discovered that I had conceived a child out of wedlock, left my man at the alter, married his brother, and was secretly saving money to move back to Italy and leave my husband. Oh my! The party was a BLAST!! Everyone tried to speak with Italian accents, which was hilarious. By the end of the night, somehow our Italian had morphed into a Russian-English-Southern twang kind of thing. Lisa was my daughter, who turned out to be the leader of some sort of crime ring (fitting, don't you think?). Jeni was a maid turned gold digger turned tramp. But who am I to talk (did you read my story line?). Don't we all look completely grief-striken? Turns out I wasn't the murderer. Bummer. Oh well, there's always next time... Want to come over for dinner?

Balance

Life, in general, is such a balancing act. Finding that perfect place between giving and selfishness can be difficult. I've begun to notice things that bother me about others are often things I find myself doing. When someone hurts my feelings or ticks me off, all I can see is this glaring wrong that was committed against me. Much to my embarassment, I often find myself perpetrating the same act on some other undeserving soul. So I try to work at digging this huge log out of my own eye rather than trying to excavate the splinter from another's.

As I work on trying to repair my own flaws, I become consumed with my own "walk" and often forget those walking with me. I can't tell you how many times I have walked away from a conversation with a friend and realized I had gone on and on about my own issues or opinions without stopping to really savor their presence or invest in what was going on with them. I shudder when I think, "Not once did I ask how their week was going or even if they had plans for the weekend." And so I find myself in an uncomfortable place of self-absorption.

In order to "get outside of myself" I begin to search for ways to serve others. I try to remain conscious all day of my facial expressions, tone of voice and reaction to others. I want others to know that I am investing in them, that I care. Before long, all this caring leaves me tired. I find that this is the time I will pour all of my energy into caring for co-workers or strangers or other people that only know me superficially and then have nothing left for my family and friends, the people who really love and support me.

Recently I heard someone say that Jesus ministered to the crowds, then he had the 12, but even beyond that he had the 3 that he poured his life into. That statement really struck me because all I could think was, "how did he have the energy left to pour anything into these 3?" After dealing with demanding crowds all day, and then having to explain everything to the disciples, I don't know how he had anything left to give. But I think I have been looking at things upside down. I think he spent time with God first and was energized by that. Then he had special intimacy with the 3, and we all know how energizing it is to be with people that "get" you, believe in you and support you. Then he had the 12. Again, it is reviving to be a part of a group. A place where you belong and share common experiences. All of this energized him to minister on a larger scale. For me, I think I have been starting in the ocean first, trying to paint the big picture all on my own. Instead, I should start at home with a cool, refreshing drink from God and my "inner circle." Then I'll have the energy to tackle the world.

Some friends and I recently joined a discipleship group thing at our church. The very first night we were talking and I told them that my job just takes everything I have. By the end of the day I am so tired that I have to force myself to do things in the evening. I have been leading a Bible study on Thursday nights, and I know there have been times when I completely slacked in preparing for it. I have not been the leader I should be. There have been nights when I have met with my accountability group and have just gone through the motions, not really there mentally. I often allow eternally insignificant things to drain all of my energy, and I have nothing left for the people God has placed in my inner circle. A place that is supposed to be mutually nurturing, supportive and challenging. Girls, I apologize that I have been living upside down with slanted priorities that has often left me emotionally, mentally and physically bankrupt for you. I love you all dearly, and I could not make it without you. I never want to look back on any encounter with you and realize that I slighted you simply because we are frump-wear, back door kind of friends. I never want you to leave my presence and wonder if you are special to me.

You know the verse....As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) My girls definitely sharpen me, and oh how I love them for it!!

Lord, please help me to cherish and nourish the relationships you have given me as a source of strength. Help me to remember that these are tools You use to equip me to do the work of Your Kingdom. Help me to keep my tools sharp and never let them get dull or rusty. Help me to see them for the jewels they are and not toss them in the shed knowing they will be there when I need them. Help me to be a nourishing light to them in return. Most of all, Lord, help me to live in that place of balance where I am able to bestow compassion on the flaws of others while recognizing my own faults, live in submission to You while helping others in their journey of faith, and invest more in my sisters than I expect in return.

Shameless Plug

For those of you that don't know, I have started a little photography work. I hope to do this on a more professional level some day, but for now I am enjoying the learning and practice! If you haven't visited my web-site yet, I invite you to do so. In fact, here is a link to pictures from my latest client session. He is the cutest little thing!