Rain Dancer

Twice this week I have driven home from work in the rain. I don't mean a drizzle kind of rain, I mean a real meat and potatoes, fat man kind of rain. I joined my fellow Americans in fleeing like cockroaches from sunlight, just trying to get home and get out of the wet.

As I drove through my neighborhood on one of those days, I saw a young girl standing out on the sidewalk in front of her house. She stood there watching traffic go by with a look of complete amusement and mischief. I'm sure she relished all the strange looks she got by grumpy adults that sped by. I too was taken aback when I noticed her, and I'm sure my surprise registered on my face.

When I passed her house, I watched her in my rear view mirror. She raised her arms toward heaven and began to twirl and dance. The rain washing over her and splashing on her face. I was transported back to my own childhood when I used to play in the rain. What a time of carefree joy.

I think we all need to spend more time out in the rain twirling and dancing. We take life way to seriously some times.

Procrastination

I'm not sure why I am writing this post. I should be either sleeping or cleaning or painting or packing or something. Why is it that some of us completely shut down when faced with a gargantuan task? I've noticed other people around me that rise to the challenge of a huge task. They work hard, pace themselves, and seem to exist on a never ending stream of enthusiasm. Then there's me. I stand back, look at the task at hand, analyze it from all sides, measure it up good, plan various ways to approach it, then go off and watch TV, write, draw, read, surf the net, paint my toenails or play with my dog. When the task at hand isn't something that particularly excites me, it feels as though cement is coursing through my veins. It's all I can do to step beyond procrastination and actually get to work.

I am getting ready to sell my house. My parents and one of my best friends have been helping me paint and do various other fix-up's around my place. I knew that I would never get the thing listed if I didn't put myself on a deadline. So I set a time goal and made an appointment with my realtor. That motivated my mom - she works like the Energizer Bunny. All I can think is, "Geez, mom. We've been doing this for 30 minutes now. Can't we stop and take a break. Let's chew our food really slow at lunch so we can sit here longer." Yet she keeps right on working. Since I can't have my own mother working like a dog in my own house, I feel compelled to get in there right beside her.

I think that's why God put us together. "Us" as Christians, I mean. I guess He knew the scattered and lazy lot of us would be laying in a ditch somewhere were it not for the consistently motivated among us. So, my energetic brethren (and sistren), I raise my glass to you. Thank you for inspiring the ADD, frantic, tardy and often unorganized. I know it may seem that we are oblivious to your dedication, yet I assure you - we are not. While we may be flying in on a dime everywhere we go, we secretly long for that peaceful pace at which you seem to live. That ever illusive "togetherness" that is always just beyond our grasp. Thank you for your patience as we blow in like a tornado with 10 teacups spinning in sticks. God knew we needed you.

Balance

Life, in general, is such a balancing act. Finding that perfect place between giving and selfishness can be difficult. I've begun to notice things that bother me about others are often things I find myself doing. When someone hurts my feelings or ticks me off, all I can see is this glaring wrong that was committed against me. Much to my embarassment, I often find myself perpetrating the same act on some other undeserving soul. So I try to work at digging this huge log out of my own eye rather than trying to excavate the splinter from another's.

As I work on trying to repair my own flaws, I become consumed with my own "walk" and often forget those walking with me. I can't tell you how many times I have walked away from a conversation with a friend and realized I had gone on and on about my own issues or opinions without stopping to really savor their presence or invest in what was going on with them. I shudder when I think, "Not once did I ask how their week was going or even if they had plans for the weekend." And so I find myself in an uncomfortable place of self-absorption.

In order to "get outside of myself" I begin to search for ways to serve others. I try to remain conscious all day of my facial expressions, tone of voice and reaction to others. I want others to know that I am investing in them, that I care. Before long, all this caring leaves me tired. I find that this is the time I will pour all of my energy into caring for co-workers or strangers or other people that only know me superficially and then have nothing left for my family and friends, the people who really love and support me.

Recently I heard someone say that Jesus ministered to the crowds, then he had the 12, but even beyond that he had the 3 that he poured his life into. That statement really struck me because all I could think was, "how did he have the energy left to pour anything into these 3?" After dealing with demanding crowds all day, and then having to explain everything to the disciples, I don't know how he had anything left to give. But I think I have been looking at things upside down. I think he spent time with God first and was energized by that. Then he had special intimacy with the 3, and we all know how energizing it is to be with people that "get" you, believe in you and support you. Then he had the 12. Again, it is reviving to be a part of a group. A place where you belong and share common experiences. All of this energized him to minister on a larger scale. For me, I think I have been starting in the ocean first, trying to paint the big picture all on my own. Instead, I should start at home with a cool, refreshing drink from God and my "inner circle." Then I'll have the energy to tackle the world.

Some friends and I recently joined a discipleship group thing at our church. The very first night we were talking and I told them that my job just takes everything I have. By the end of the day I am so tired that I have to force myself to do things in the evening. I have been leading a Bible study on Thursday nights, and I know there have been times when I completely slacked in preparing for it. I have not been the leader I should be. There have been nights when I have met with my accountability group and have just gone through the motions, not really there mentally. I often allow eternally insignificant things to drain all of my energy, and I have nothing left for the people God has placed in my inner circle. A place that is supposed to be mutually nurturing, supportive and challenging. Girls, I apologize that I have been living upside down with slanted priorities that has often left me emotionally, mentally and physically bankrupt for you. I love you all dearly, and I could not make it without you. I never want to look back on any encounter with you and realize that I slighted you simply because we are frump-wear, back door kind of friends. I never want you to leave my presence and wonder if you are special to me.

You know the verse....As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) My girls definitely sharpen me, and oh how I love them for it!!

Lord, please help me to cherish and nourish the relationships you have given me as a source of strength. Help me to remember that these are tools You use to equip me to do the work of Your Kingdom. Help me to keep my tools sharp and never let them get dull or rusty. Help me to see them for the jewels they are and not toss them in the shed knowing they will be there when I need them. Help me to be a nourishing light to them in return. Most of all, Lord, help me to live in that place of balance where I am able to bestow compassion on the flaws of others while recognizing my own faults, live in submission to You while helping others in their journey of faith, and invest more in my sisters than I expect in return.