My first date with Jesus

This week I have been listening to a lesson series on relationships. The speaker is fantastic, and he fills his lessons with stories and analogies (which are life to me when listening to a sermon). He flips back and forth between discussion of a woman's responsibility vs a man's responsibility. At one point, he spoke of a woman who wasn't under authority. Growing up, she wasn't under her father's authority. She disrespected her husband because she wasn't under his authority. Ultimately, she wasn't under God's authority.

I've never been married, so I can't presume to say what it is like. However, for years I have heard a multitude of Christian women complain about having to be submissive. I've never really known what to think about that. Listening to these ladies, it sounds a little scary to me. But as this pastor explained what it was to live under authority, some of the clouds began to dissipate. Living under authority was directly tied to her husband's treatment of her. As he expounded on the Song of Solomon, this picture of a beautiful man began to emerge - a man who was gentle, loving, complimentary, protecting, sensitive, adoring, and strong (I think I am getting a little bit of a crush on ol' Solomon). I still don't know about this submission debate, but I think I'd like to give it a try if it were with a man like this.

The more I listen to these lessons, the more I begin to realize how I want to be treated and what kind of marriage and husband I want. Then the more I listen, the more hesitant of marriage I become - I've never dated a man like this. I've never been loved this way before. Is it really possible? Do husbands and marriages like this really exist? While I desire to be a wife someday, dare I think that I could have this? It seems so unreal that I am almost afraid to dream of it.

It's funny that I am listening to this lesson series this week. I am also doing a study on the book of John right now. I feel like I am getting to know Jesus in a new way. He is becoming real to me. John lends several insights into the humanity of Jesus. He paints a picture of a real, tangible man with skin on that gets tired and needs to stop for lunch. He is filled with passion and fire. He's strong and athletic, yet compassionate and soft spoken. He values family and friendship. He cares for strangers and speaks his mind. He puts the needs of others ahead of his own needs and reputation. He is nurturing and patient. He's kind and loving. His character, his nature - that IS the husband described in these lessons. That is the man in Song of Solomon. He is the kind of man I would feel safe being in submission to.

I think I have spent a lot of time living on the fence. Calling myself a follower of Jesus, but watching Him out of the corner of my eye. Taking His words under advisement, yet seeking my own map. This picture that has been painted of this dreamy, Biblical husband has helped me understand Jesus. It has helped me see the love He has for me. I don't know if I will ever find this "Song of Solomon love" here on earth, but realizing that I already have it in Jesus completely changes the way I feel about myself as a woman and as a single person. To know that He loves me this way melts away rigidity, fear and apprehension and makes me feel loved, cherished and protected. It gives me the freedom to open myself to Him and what He truly offers as my Savior.

I think I have been living as if Jesus has been my boss. The view I have had of our relationship has been more about what I am doing wrong, how I am falling short - almost as if He is in heaven with one eyebrow raised, arms folded, looking down on me and shaking His head. As I learn more about "Jesus the person" - the human side of Jesus, I realize I have only been seeing the God side of Jesus (which can be quite intimidating). But the human side of Jesus is helping me better understand the God side of Jesus. And looking at Him in light of a healthy relationship - one that is about love, selflessness, sacrifice, nurturing, kindness, authenticity, protection and friendship - it makes me feel like I just got home from my first date...