Breaker 1-9. Anyone out there got your ears on?

I am writing this blog because I told someone I would (I am actually a week late...sorry, dude). I really do hope to once again become a regular blogger again some day. It seems I've been a little irregular as of late, and we all know how that can back up on you.

My life has been somewhat of a whirlwind lately. Some days I feel as if I am standing in the eye of a tornado watching everything swirl and spin around me. Oddly enough, I don't really feel overwhelmed anymore. I truly feel the calmness of the eye of the storm. I'd like to pen some flowery blog about how that's the peace of God, but honestly I think it is either shock or numbness.

I have this weird way of reacting to extreme stress. I become eerily calm and quiet. It's as if I slip into a trance. I don't know if that's good or bad. But ask those who know me well, it is kind of creepy. That's how others can tell I have exceeded my limit and must be experiencing sensory overload. Personally, I kind of enjoy it. The swirling, screaming, craziness seems to drift off into the background somewhere and I feel a little like, "Ooh, look at the pretty colors."

I actually perform fairly well under a certain amount of stress. I kind of thrive on a little chaos. But every psychotic has their limit, right? Anyway - lately I have been teetering between working chaos and that euphoric state of oblivion (no - I'm not on drugs). Last night I crawled into bed and slept amidst a pile of laundry that needed folding. So again, I guess my state of catatonia can be good and bad.

I suppose this is the part where I am supposed to lay down some profound insight I have received from all of this, but honestly, I am having trouble connecting the dots lately. And random things will pop into my mind at the strangest of times. I have a friend at work that specializes in making me laugh. I don't know why he strikes me as so hilarious - but right now, talking to him is one of the very few things at work that keeps me sane. Unfortunately, I find him popping into my head the most inopportune times. The other day I was in the middle of traffic and just burst out laughing hysterically. The more I laughed, the more looks I got, which in turn sparked more laughter. I'm sure people wondered what hospital I escaped from.

I am "leading" a Bible study on the book of John right now. Our study is a format unlike any other I've ever done before. We are simply digging in the Word, no workbooks or outside studies to guide us. Everyone brings their dictionaries, commentaries, various Bible translations, handbooks, Greek, anything we can find. So far I've learned that I know nothing about the Bible and that John's gospel is all out of order when compared to the other 3. One theme I have been able to pick up on, however, it that it all points to Jesus. No credit for self - Jesus must become more, I must become less. He came before me and will come after me. He is higher than me. He is greater than me. Everything I do should point to Him.

So, I guess in the midst of my craziness, the question I need to be asking myself is - does all my busyness, my "to do" list, my stress, my reactions, my priorities, even the amount of sleep I get - does it show Jesus to those around me? Is it about me or about Him? Because in reality - even Jesus existed to point others to God. Even He wasn't all about himself.