Forgiveness

Today at lunch I was listening to Christian radio and they were talking about forgiveness. I didn't really think I had too much of an issue with that, but I decided to see what God had for me to hear. By the end of the broadcast I was sitting in my car in tears. I guess I had not realized that there were a couple of people in my life that I have yet to forgive. As the 3 speakers bantered back and forth about the topic, they brought up issues that immediately brought certain people to mind. I quickly realized I still had forgiveness issues with them.

I figured I had the forgiveness thing licked because I have managed (with God's grace and help) to truly forgive the person who hurt me most in my life. That was such a huge deal with such a long healing and forgiveness process that it made all the other "little" hurts in life seem rather pale. But today I realized that there were several "little" hurts that had been swept under the rug and allowed to fester. My weepy response to God's message tells me that these hurts are no longer "little" as far as my heart is concerned.

My mind began racing with defensive thoughts like, "What if they don't even realize they hurt me? Shouldn't they somehow be made to feel like a skank before I forgive them? If I forgive them without any consequences on their part, what if they think they have license to hurt me again? Shouldn't I at least set some sort of defined boundaries before I forgive in order to prevent this from happening again? If I keep forgiving over and over with no consequences to offender, won't I just become a doormat?" The excuses went on and on. And each one was raised by the speakers on this show. Each was raised, and each was shot down.

Basically, they reminded me that forgiveness reveals brokenness. Brokenness does two things. One, it points others to the cross. Christ was broken for us. God sacrificed His Son for us - and hey, we aren't so swell either. Two, it reminds us of our brokenness. As we become broken by forgiving others, we are pointed to the cross, reminded of our sinful condition and the price that was paid for us.

"But what about repeat offenders?" I protest. Well, aren't we repeat offenders? I don't know how many times I have had to go to God asking for forgiveness, strength and help with the same thing over and over. As for those repeat offenders oblivious to our plight at their hands? Again, how selfish am I that should have to go to God over and over with the same sin. And let's not forget our brother David who asked God in Psalms 139 to examine his heart and reveal his offensive ways. Human selfishness and repeat offending has been a part of mankind since the beginning of time.

And my never-ending struggle between boundaries and forgiveness? That protest was met with one response. Did Christ set boundaries after forgiving us? Does He love us less or treat us differently? Does He only answer a percentage of prayers in direct correlation to how many times we've put ourselves in a pinch? Does He hold a grudge and hold us hostage to our sin to make sure we feel adequately punished before hearing or answering our prayers? Does He walk around Heaven with a snarled, snide attitude telling God and the angels all about what we did? Is His love conditional on our performance?

Bottom line: Forgiveness is an act of faith and obedience. We are commanded to do it. We never feel equipped to do it, hence the faith. Forgiveness is often a journey, something we have to do over and over. The speaker today talked about how often the "offender's" name will keep coming up for you over and over, at random times, they will just pop into your mind. When that happens, and you have that gnawing feeling in your gut - something is still wrong, and you need to stop right then and re-declare your forgiveness, praying for strength. It may take a while, but it will eventually be healed. Yet so often, this process is something that must be acted out long before our emotions rise to match our decision to forgive.