It is with blurred vision and with exhausted fingers I type this blog. I am so tired that I almost have no energy left to breathe. Why do we allow ourselves to get to this point? Often when Satan can't distract us with the things of the world, he will distract us with the things of the church. Lately I have become so overextended in my "spiritual" commitments that none of them seem spiritual any more.
I sat down the other night and ran through the weekly list of things I do. Then I added in the other ministries I am involved with that don't necessarily require a weekly commitment. Then I stopped to think about time at work and time needed to spend running my household. I'd love to have a few hours of relaxation every week (I mean, God did it - why can't I?). All in all, by the end of the day I am exhausted. While I pray to God throughout the day, there seems to be little time left to just sit at His feet.
I feel a very specific call on my life developing. In that, I am convicted that I need to make time to be home alone - on my knees, in the Word - seeking God's face. I just long to be with Him. I long to know Him more deeply. Serving Him is good. But I also need communion with Him. Therefore, I have decided to weed out some of the commitments I have made. I am scaling down, cutting back, stepping away - so to speak. It's odd how church folks associate your visible activity with the state of your relationship with God. If they don't see you doing a million things, you must be "falling away." Right now I am finding myself fighting the guilt brought on by that mentality.
I, myself, have felt that activity was a "spiritual" indicator. So cutting back feels weird to me. While I believe our actions and ministries are an overflow of our relationship with God, I also believe we can become so caught up in activity that we miss how empty our relationship may really be. Sitting quietly before God can be scary sometimes. If we are quiet long enough, He might actually speak to us. What if He tells us to so something we don't want to? Or what if He convicts us of some sin we love? Heaven forbid.
Sometimes we enter into "Esther" times in our lives where preparation is crucial to the next phase of life (Esther 2:12-14). If we don't slow down to be molded, cleansed and transformed - we could miss out on a tremendous blessing. And our failure to accept preparation could prevent us from being in the right place at the right time in order to help someone else down the road.
So - all of you who are weary, I hereby grant you permission to say "No" and to sit down, take a deep breath, and NOT FEEL GUILTY!!
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1 comment:
Amen, sister! We all need that time "off" from activities that actually keep us from spending time with God. Don't let anyone rag you for not being "visible" with your ministry.
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