"Hear God"

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

-Psalm 139:23-24

David's prayer in Psalm 139 has always marveled me just a little. I feel like I have so many faults and flaws to work on that I don't want to know about any more. I am also admittedly afraid to ask God to test me. Asking to be tested or praying for patience only invites trials and tribulations in my opinion. Even so, I find myself praying this prayer from time to time. Each time I do, God is faithful to answer. Each time He answers, I grow a little more.

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Recently I prayed this prayer. Lo and behold, a few days later, here it came. One morning I was talking to God as I got ready for work. The more we talked, the more He began to reveal. He showed me a couple of things, then came the subject of control. Apparently I like it too much (I specifically avoid praying for patience because I do not want to suffer the uncontrollable lessons that will follow...). As we explored this subject of control, a few examples flashed through my mind. Apparently those weren't vivid enough, so God decided to act in "real time."

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That morning, God broke the subject of control down to even the most basic of things. I dropped almost everything I picked up. I had one of the worst hair days ever. I was late leaving for work. I got behind every slow person on the road (don't get me started). It seemed endless. All the while I'm thinking, "I did NOT pray for patience. Why is this happening?" So I am in my car, mad as a hornet, looking like Yahoo Serious, and then it happened.

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I pulled up behind a car with the license plate that read, "HEARGOD." I had to laugh. God was trying to get through to me. I was so distracted by the "lesson," I couldn't hear the message.

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While I make it a practice NOT to pray for patience, patience and control go hand in hand. I like for things to be neat and orderly - according to my definition of order. That leaves very little room for mistakes by others or myself. It also squelches everyone's opportunity to hear God's voice and grow. Most importantly, it limits God in my mind, heart and life.

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The Bible tells us to be patient with everyone, and to bear with each other (1 Th 5:14, Eph 4:2, I Cor 13:4, Rom 12:12). Beyond that, the Bible is filled with examples of people waiting on God - sometimes refusing to act until they received word from Him. I believe God keeps us in a holding pattern sometimes because He is trying to refine our skill of patient waiting. He cannot use us effectively if we are constantly trying to strain ahead of Him.

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God gave me a valuable lesson that fateful morning. Rather than avoiding patience, I should pursue it. At first glance, we often think of patience as a horizontal virtue, one we need to develop in order to more effectively deal with people and situations we encounter everyday. But horizontal patience is just the beginning. Developing our horizontal patience will only serve to reinforce our vertical patience - when waiting on God may seem like an impossible task.

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Don't be impatient for the Lord to act! Travel steadily along his path. He will honor you, giving you the land. You will see the wicked destroyed.

Psalm 37:34