Photos

The photo shoot of the 3 year old twins went well on Saturday - right up until the end. Luckily we were almost done when Alex decided to dive head first into the fountain in front of Shakespeare. It was priceless. And, yes I got a picture of it! (Go to my other blog to check it out)

I just love kids. They have such a wonderful spirit of adventure. The twins I took pictures of on Saturday are 3 years old as I said. One is a boy and one is a girl. It's so funny to watch the differences in siblings. When Alyssa was told to stand and pose, she would remain as still as her 3 year old little body could stand. Eventually she would begin to dance in place and twirl her dress around. But Alex, on the other hand... We would try to get him to pose for a shot, and we'd look up and he would be off in a flower bed or behind some bushes or running up a hill or diving into the fountain. It was a blast! Not only are siblings different, but boys and girls are so different as well.

I think the parents get more uptight on these photo shoots than I do. I guess they think I am secretly fuming and thinking their kids are the worst on the planet. Actually it's quite the opposite. Kids are kids. They run, play and explore. If they didn't my pictures would be boring! So I love every minute of it. Besides I have a super long zoom lens, so let 'em run - I can still photograph them from a long ways off!

Anyway - today was my first day back at work after being in Atlanta last week. Things were CRAZY as usual. I was reminded of those sweet little twins. I know I need to get some work done eventually, but I also need to take time to dance in place, twirl my dress, hide behind a cubicle and jump in the proverbial fountain from time to time. We adults are far too serious most of the time!!

Falling for ATL

Well, I successfully made it back from Atlanta this week. Had to go there on business. After several trips now, I feel like I am starting to get used to the traffic. I must be getting comfy because I actually started to dose off on I-285. And I engaged an 18-wheeler in lane wars at one point. Hey, I can't help it he couldn't read the signs that excluded him from entering the 2 left lanes. But I made sure he knew about it! (And, yes, I made it out alive).

I have to say, I love a city where driving 25 miles over the speed limit is the norm. Only problem is when I get back to MGM, I have to "detox" and slow it down a bit. I have gotten very proficient in bobbing and weaving in and out of traffic though. In fact, some of my co-workers are a little afraid to ride with me now! Just wait until I take them to the ATL! I can change lanes with only inches to spare. I'm so proud.

I found out this week that I will now be going to ATL at least once a month, possibly twice. What's more - a friend of mine just told me I could use his condo when I am in town. Well- he's moving to MGM and it is for sale - so I can use it until it sells. Even so, it's ITP and only a mile from the mall. What more could a girl ask for!!

I gotta tell ya - ATL used to wig me out because it's so big. But it is growing on me. I mean, hey - if I can sleep in 8 lane traffic doing 80 mph - I must be morphing into a native! All I need now is a Bluetooth, a Blackberry, a laptop, and some Prada and I should be set!

In other news tonight, I was in downtown MGM earlier this evening at Jubilee City Fest. I was commissioned to take some nighttime photos for a magazine cover. Anyway - I have to say that our fair city is not the most attractive of places when littered with road blocks, orange traffic cones, and drunks. Needless to say, I only got 1 or 2 decent shots. I guess I am going to have to go back down there some time this weekend and try again. I have a photo shoot with 3 year old twins tomorrow afternoon. Maybe I can venture out again after that.

By the way, for those of you who know about my sod-laying incident - it seems to be doing alright. However - my dad informed me today that I needed to move some of it. I am in complete and total despair! Luckily I still don't have my voice completely back yet, so I couldn't scream when he told me.

Oh well, sorry for the randomness of this one. I've been out of pocket for a week or so. And it is 1:03 AM after all. I really can't be held responsible for my actions...

Adullam House

Yesterday I went with a group of people to help out at a children's home named the Adullam House. The children there all have mothers in prison. Their fathers are MIA as well. The entire experience was fraught with mixed emotion for me. As we drove up, there were children running and playing on the front lawn. At first glance, it seemed like any other normal home.

We went there to play with the children or do whatever else was needed in order to give the staff a short break for a few hours. Upon our arrival, we learned that there are many volunteers. Some groups come from other cities and may stay for a couple of weeks at a time. They also help with the children as well as doing construction work around the property. They are in the process of building additional housing and a chapel.

The day we went, the place was a flurry of activity. Children and adults were everywhere. Inside. Outside. Cooking, cleaning, playing, working. It was almost too much for me. I am still trying to take it all in. They have children ranging in age from 4 weeks to 15 years. In speaking with the director, I learned that she had just received a phone call from the prison telling her that another mother had gone into labor. So they were expecting another new born.

The scene we saw when first arriving, one of children running and laughing soon became one of sadness for me. I took up with a 3 month old little boy named Jacoby. In fact, I carried him around almost the entire time I was there. I got to rock him, feed him, be thrown up on by him, change him and put him down for a nap. As I sat gazing at this beautiful baby, I couldn't help but think of his mother. I wondered what she was doing at that moment as I rocked her little boy. Was she sitting in her cell thinking of him? I wondered if he looked like her. I wondered if she wanted him. How long would it be before they could be reunited? I wondered what it must feel like to be a mother and know that someone else was holding your child. I think it must be one of the most torturous things to endure.

At one point I took Jacoby onto the front porch. As I sat there in a rocking chair, we watched the older children run and play. Another little boy came and crawled into my lap. Another volunteer sat opposite me in another rocking chair with another small baby. I began to watch the children and the volunteers. As I watched, one thing I noticed were the grandfathers. We had 4 that went with us that day. My heart melted as I observed these men serving these children. Bud and Melvin manned the grill, cooking lunch for all these people. Mark ran around tossing the football with several of the boys. Dick sat under a tree talking to a teenager. Another guy that went with us was sitting in the grass with probably 10 children around him as he talked to and played with them. Others were blowing bubbles and throwing frisbees.

There is something about seeing a man play with a child that really gets me. I guess I'm not that moved when I see women interact with children because it is in our nature. I see women caring for children all the time. But to see these men, especially these grandfathers taking time to come and help these children - for some reason, there just are no words. There is something different, something special about a man's influence over children. Look at all the statistics regarding a father's presence in the home. I am so grateful for the example of those grandfathers. I hope to someday marry a man that has that kind of servant's heart. I hope God will continue to supply men such as these to those young children. I know their lives will be forever changed by it.

As we drove home that day, barely two words were spoken in the van. I don't know if everyone was tired or what. As for me, my mind was simply overwhelmed. I had many emotions swirling around inside. Partially I felt extremely guilty because I was relieved to be free of the madness of activity. I LOVE to be around people, but I can only take chaos in small doses. I can't imagine living in that environment full time. I am so glad that God has gifted people to be able to do that. While we were able to leave, those children weren't. I felt very torn in that moment, and still do to a degree. Part of me doesn't want to go back. I don't want to face that again. It hurt me too much. On the other hand, I feel like I could never do enough. I know we are each gifted and called to minister in different ways. While I know that living in a children's home may not be my gift or calling - my heart breaks for those children. Knowing there is so much to be done, so much love needed - I feel guilty that I am unable to do more. Letting go and perfectionism are some of the things I need to work on (but that's another blog altogether!). It ripped me up inside to experience this, but it also helped me to get outside of my own world and expanded by boundaries a little.

I saw God working in so many ways today. It's so true that we are all parts of the body of Christ - each serving in his own way. Whether it was serving quietly behind the scenes, running like mad in the middle of a pack of kids, being barfed on, blowing bubbles or speaking a kind word, each hand was a blessing. I know this work will be life-changing for these children, but it will be life-changing for us as well.

Please keep these children, the full-time workers, the volunteers and the finances in your prayers. This place is run entirely on donations and faith. Many times building projects have to be held up until enough money comes in to start work again. I am amazed and humbled by this ministry. I praise God for the Adullam House, and that these children are safe, fed, dry, warm and loved tonight.

"So David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. Soon his brothers and other relatives joined him there. Then others began coming - men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented..."
-I Sam 22:1-2a

Time, Time, there is no Time...

It is with blurred vision and with exhausted fingers I type this blog. I am so tired that I almost have no energy left to breathe. Why do we allow ourselves to get to this point? Often when Satan can't distract us with the things of the world, he will distract us with the things of the church. Lately I have become so overextended in my "spiritual" commitments that none of them seem spiritual any more.

I sat down the other night and ran through the weekly list of things I do. Then I added in the other ministries I am involved with that don't necessarily require a weekly commitment. Then I stopped to think about time at work and time needed to spend running my household. I'd love to have a few hours of relaxation every week (I mean, God did it - why can't I?). All in all, by the end of the day I am exhausted. While I pray to God throughout the day, there seems to be little time left to just sit at His feet.

I feel a very specific call on my life developing. In that, I am convicted that I need to make time to be home alone - on my knees, in the Word - seeking God's face. I just long to be with Him. I long to know Him more deeply. Serving Him is good. But I also need communion with Him. Therefore, I have decided to weed out some of the commitments I have made. I am scaling down, cutting back, stepping away - so to speak. It's odd how church folks associate your visible activity with the state of your relationship with God. If they don't see you doing a million things, you must be "falling away." Right now I am finding myself fighting the guilt brought on by that mentality.

I, myself, have felt that activity was a "spiritual" indicator. So cutting back feels weird to me. While I believe our actions and ministries are an overflow of our relationship with God, I also believe we can become so caught up in activity that we miss how empty our relationship may really be. Sitting quietly before God can be scary sometimes. If we are quiet long enough, He might actually speak to us. What if He tells us to so something we don't want to? Or what if He convicts us of some sin we love? Heaven forbid.

Sometimes we enter into "Esther" times in our lives where preparation is crucial to the next phase of life (Esther 2:12-14). If we don't slow down to be molded, cleansed and transformed - we could miss out on a tremendous blessing. And our failure to accept preparation could prevent us from being in the right place at the right time in order to help someone else down the road.

So - all of you who are weary, I hereby grant you permission to say "No" and to sit down, take a deep breath, and NOT FEEL GUILTY!!

"Hear God"

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

-Psalm 139:23-24

David's prayer in Psalm 139 has always marveled me just a little. I feel like I have so many faults and flaws to work on that I don't want to know about any more. I am also admittedly afraid to ask God to test me. Asking to be tested or praying for patience only invites trials and tribulations in my opinion. Even so, I find myself praying this prayer from time to time. Each time I do, God is faithful to answer. Each time He answers, I grow a little more.

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Recently I prayed this prayer. Lo and behold, a few days later, here it came. One morning I was talking to God as I got ready for work. The more we talked, the more He began to reveal. He showed me a couple of things, then came the subject of control. Apparently I like it too much (I specifically avoid praying for patience because I do not want to suffer the uncontrollable lessons that will follow...). As we explored this subject of control, a few examples flashed through my mind. Apparently those weren't vivid enough, so God decided to act in "real time."

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That morning, God broke the subject of control down to even the most basic of things. I dropped almost everything I picked up. I had one of the worst hair days ever. I was late leaving for work. I got behind every slow person on the road (don't get me started). It seemed endless. All the while I'm thinking, "I did NOT pray for patience. Why is this happening?" So I am in my car, mad as a hornet, looking like Yahoo Serious, and then it happened.

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I pulled up behind a car with the license plate that read, "HEARGOD." I had to laugh. God was trying to get through to me. I was so distracted by the "lesson," I couldn't hear the message.

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While I make it a practice NOT to pray for patience, patience and control go hand in hand. I like for things to be neat and orderly - according to my definition of order. That leaves very little room for mistakes by others or myself. It also squelches everyone's opportunity to hear God's voice and grow. Most importantly, it limits God in my mind, heart and life.

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The Bible tells us to be patient with everyone, and to bear with each other (1 Th 5:14, Eph 4:2, I Cor 13:4, Rom 12:12). Beyond that, the Bible is filled with examples of people waiting on God - sometimes refusing to act until they received word from Him. I believe God keeps us in a holding pattern sometimes because He is trying to refine our skill of patient waiting. He cannot use us effectively if we are constantly trying to strain ahead of Him.

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God gave me a valuable lesson that fateful morning. Rather than avoiding patience, I should pursue it. At first glance, we often think of patience as a horizontal virtue, one we need to develop in order to more effectively deal with people and situations we encounter everyday. But horizontal patience is just the beginning. Developing our horizontal patience will only serve to reinforce our vertical patience - when waiting on God may seem like an impossible task.

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Don't be impatient for the Lord to act! Travel steadily along his path. He will honor you, giving you the land. You will see the wicked destroyed.

Psalm 37:34

Patience ?!#@

Many of us think of patience as a four letter word. Just the other night, I was meeting with my prayer/accountability group and telling them about a frustrating situation at work. In the midst of my venting, I specifically told them NOT to pray for me to have patience because I didn't want things to get any worse. I can't tell you how many times I have heard other Christians make similar remarks.

Patience is a characteristic we are commanded to embody as Christians. Paul tells us in Colossians 3:12 (NLT), "You MUST clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Many times Christians "clothe" themselves in a t-shirt of patience that is about 5 sizes to small. So it cuts off our circulation and causes us to squirm about in sheer discomfort.

Admittedly, I am one of the last people you will hear praying for patience. But I believe that binding t-shirt we now wear will become larger and more comfortable the more we experience and grow our patience. Each encounter we have only adds stitches to that t-shirt, thus enabling us to breathe a little deeper and move about with a little more freedom. Before long, patience will fit us. We will no longer feel bound and suffocated by it.

Paul goes on to say in verse 13 that we must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. He also reminds us that God forgave us, so we must forgive others. Other people are so often the root of my impatience, although not always. Whether I am in traffic, in the grocery store or even trying to get down the aisle at church - people always seem to be in my way. Sometimes I feel like that guy on the heartburn commercial that talks about how he likes everything so fast. I watch that commercial with a scoffing huff and think, "Humph, that is so ridiculous." How many people have I seen right through in my efforts to simply get around them? How many times have I switched lines at the grocery store, then kept watch on my previous spot in an adjacent line to make sure I made the right move? How ridiculous!!

Tonight as I was logging on to my computer, I even noticed how impatient I am. I was typing in user names, passwords and links before the screens were fully loaded. Of course, by the time the page loaded, only half of what I had typed was retained. So I had to go back and start over. How many times have I gotten ahead of God, tried to rush things only to look back and see that only half of my efforts stuck and had to go back and start over anyway?

How many opportunities to learn, grow and serve do we miss each day because we are consumed with the speed of life. Impatience shouts in our ears so loudly that we cannot hear the important things. If you read Colossians 3 starting in verse 12 through the end of the chapter, it almost sounds like a Stepford existence. Like everyone skips everywhere they go, wears daisies in their hair and speaks in a trance-like voice. We all know that's not true. It's not the idea or point of the passage. But we have moved so far from a peaceful, calm, encouraging, servanthood society that it almost seems fictitious to us, hard to imagine.

Slowing down is certainly something I need to work on. It is something as equally hard for me to do. I am convicted that I cannot live a life of gentleness, peace, love, kindness, mercy and harmony until I first slow down, embrace the clothing of patience, and take the time to actually see the people around me as spiritual beings created by God to be loved, accepted and served.