The Smiles of God

There's been a lot of talk about the names of God. But what about the smiles of God? People say "God smiled on me today." What does that look like? We all have a million and one different smiles that dance across our faces at some point. There's the "I'm up to something," the "Hey, watch this," the "sheepish," the "smiling through tears," the "isn't he so sweet," the "inside joke," the "courtesy smile," the "unspoken conversation across a crowded room smile," the "silent victory," the "self-satisfaction," the "proud momma," the "I'm about to plant one on you," and endless others.

I think God has a million and one smiles too. When He smiles, sometimes I think His teeth must be like a jack'o-lantern and that's where the sunbeams come from. When the sun shines during a rain, is that His smiling through tears? I know He smiles when we do something funny or good or when we trip over our own feet while trying to take baby steps of faith. Sometimes I think He smiles at us through little babies or puppy dogs (y'all know they grin...). God's smiles are all around us and in us and on us. I can't NOT smile when someone smiles at me. Stands to reason if I recognized more of His smiles, mine would multiply in return.

Family portraits are so much fun!

Well, they say the nut doesn't fall far from the tree..... Here's my family tree. Explains a lot, huh?

Dad at Comedy Barn

I laughed until I cried...this is GREAT!!

Realizations

I attended the funeral of a very dear friend yesterday. I can honestly say that it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I don't remember most of the drive home, and I cried so much last night that I made myself sick. Not only am I sad that my friend is gone, I am filled with regret that I let so much time lapse without seeing him.

Wayne lived in another city, a city I used to live in. I went through some painful times in that city, so it was just easier to leave and never look back. The only problem is that I left the good with the bad. I don't deal well with good-bye's, so when I left that city, I left everything including all the people I love. I treat separation like ripping off a band-aid. Move on, get it over with quick so it won't hurt so much. But the hurt has a way of catching up with you one way or the other.

As I drove back to Phenix City, I was filled with anxiety. So many people I had not seen in years. Some doors I needed to close. Friendships that had fallen by the wayside. The reunion was so bittersweet. People embraced me like I was the long lost missing link. With some we just hugged and cried and spoke very little. Words weren't needed. These people are a part of me. We share a past and memories that will never be forgotten. The times I spent with them are emblazoned on my soul and helped mold me into who I am. Everyone looked older. Some were now divorced, some widowed. Some had kids. But each and every one of them had the same spirit, you could see it in their eyes. We are all so different, yet we are all the same. I guess it's like that when you become a part of someone.

The service was very sweet. We laughed and cried. We sang. Wayne's brother, Benny, told stories that we all related to. In that moment, we sat there as one, both grief-stricken yet joyful. Being a Christian is really weird sometimes. You develop these instant bonds with people you don't even know. They grow into your life and their spirit takes root and becomes part of your foundation. They die and we are both happy and sad. Sad for us to be without them, happy that they are with Jesus (saving us a seat on the front row).

As I said, I am burdened by a tremendous sense of regret that I let so many years pass between visits. Wayne knew that I love him. I have no doubt about that. While I regret that I won't get to tell him just one last time how much I love him this side of heaven, I am grateful that I will have that chance some day. As I mingled among so many old friends yesterday, I was filled with such a longing for them. I genuinely miss them. I've been thinking a lot about regret today. I don't want to reach another significant event in my life and have it overshadowed by regret. I don't want to reach the end of another ordinary day and look back on it with regret.

Wayne taught me so many things in my life. He changed the way I think about things. He helped me learn to laugh at myself (he certainly laughed at me enough!). He always told me to "be sweet." He even influenced my love for music (I am crazy about 70's music thanks to him). I learned some new things about him yesterday that I didn't know. And yet again, he touched my life. Even now, I am still learning from him....live without regret.

Sad Goodbye

I got a call today that a friend of mine passed away this morning. He unexpectedly died of a heart attack. He wasn't overweight or terribly unhealthy. He just died suddenly. He was one of the sweetest and most fun people I ever knew. He had a tremendous impact on my life - even down to influencing the kind of music I like. I am shocked and saddened tonight that he is gone.

I had not talked to Wayne in a while. Circumstances of life sort of took us in different directions, but every time I saw him it was as if no time had passed and no words need be spoken. There are so few people on earth that you connect with in that manner. You know the ones you can look at across a room and have a full conversation without ever uttering a sound. I wish I could see him just one more time to make sure I told him how much he means to me, but with Wayne, I think he knew. At least I hope he did.

I will, at some point, post a blog about him. For now, I just can't put it into words.

If there is someone in your life that you haven't seen in a while or, heck, someone you had lunch with today that you haven't expressed your gratitude, love or appreciation for - please don't wait another day.

Sacrificing Self

For the past couple of weeks, I have been doing some examining of my life - who I am, what I am about, my passions, the things that drive me, and the things that always seem to trip me up. I have begun to realize with more clarity than ever how remarkably selfish I am. Like looking at one of those 3-D prints, I can finally see the picture. So many of the things that cause me to feel defeated in life are a direct result of selfishness. Of all these realizations, here's the one that hit me hardest: I am astounded to realize how rarely I tell myself "no." Selfishness has mushroomed into self-indulgent gluttony in many areas of my life.

As a society, we live in a world of instant gratification. We are under tremendous amounts of debt. We are overweight and suffering the physical health problems that follow. We are immune to the numerous four letter words that are littered throughout our television lives. Relationships are not sacred and have almost become disposable. All as a result of feeding our greedy flesh whatever it desires. No restraints.

As I read about Jesus in the book of John, His primary goal in life was to serve, honor and obey God. He was homeless. He ran with a pack of misfits and hung out with the seedy, undesirables from town. He hardly ever had an uninterrupted moment to Himself. Isn't it funny that even Jesus' life wasn't all about Him?! He was JESUS. The Son of God and Savior of the world - and even He was not focused on Himself. He lived to serve God. His one desire was that people came to know the Father.

Everyone I know has a hang-up of some sort. That is part of being human. While I truly believe that God uses these hang-up's as a tool to draw us closer to Him, I don't believe He intends for us to stay married to these problems and hang on to them like life support. There are so many other ways He can reveal Himself to us and teach us things. And if we weren't playing merri-go-round with our sins, we might have more time to focus on leading others to Him. It seems to come full circle back to selfishness. I wonder how many of our hang-up's, fears, sins and various other problems could be resolved with genuine sacrificial living and the crucifixion of selfishness.