Spiritual Marinade

I love a good juicy steak or chicken breast that has been marinated well. Man, how that enhances the flavor! I've also eaten my share of unmarinated meat. It'll do, but it's certainly no substitution for the full deal.

While marinating is a virtual miracle in the kitchen, I don't much care for it when I am the "meat." Since I feel like I spend a lot of time marinating spiritually, I decided to look up the term online just to see what I found. I was amused. (Check it out here.)

Of course, we all know that marinating is the process of soaking food in some form of liquid in order to juicy it up. It also helps soften tough meat and vegetables. The marinade is often acidic because that helps break down the tissue and allow it to absorb moisture (thus, the juicy). Here's one thing I didn't know...There is a reaction that occurs within meat when it is char-broiled that is said to produce cancer causing agents. However, if the meat is marinated first, the production of those agents is reduced 92-99%.

When God is trying to soften me up or break me down so I am better able to absorb His Spirit, I am often trying to climb out of the marinade. I'm ready to hop on the grill. If allowed to marinate properly, I'd be "juicy" and when squeezed by life, His Spirit would flow from me more abundantly. But when I try to fore go the marinade and jump right into the flames, I am at greater risk for developing cancer causing agents, thus becoming infected and possibly infecting others.

So I am trying very hard to work on patiently waiting in the marinade. Soaking up all I can. Because, truthfully - when I am finally released to jump into the flames, then I'll be blogging about how hot it is and wishing I was back in the marinade! Oh, that I could simply be open and content where ever I am!

Have a nice day

Today after work I had to stop by the store (isn't it funny how we use these huge generalities in life? 'The store' as if there's only one store. Anyway - moving on.). As I was leaving, I met a girl at the door. She was about my age, maybe a few years younger. She was coming in as I was leaving. As we both approached the door, she reached it first so she held the door open to allow me to exit. I said, "Thank you" and stepped over the threshold. Then the most amazing thing happened...

She said, "You're welcome. Have a good afternoon."

I was a bit startled at first. Don't get me wrong. I've shared many, "excuse me's" , "thank you's" , and "you're welcome's" over the thresholds of many a doorway. But I don't think I've ever received a follow-up "Have a good afternoon." Wow!

It instantly perked me up and lifted my spirit. I wasn't in a bad mood or anything, just my usual self-absorbed shell where I exist in my head somewhat oblivious to the world around me. Don't worry. I didn't leave her hanging. I did respond with a hearty, "Thanks! You too!"

This girl's simple act and statement of kindness and outreach really impacted my day. So wherever you are, Girl From Hobby Lobby, thank you for bringing a smile to my day!! I hope I can be more like you. The world would certainly be a better place if we all treated each other that way. What is it the new Allstate commercial says? Drive like there are real people on the road with you rather than just something that's in your way (or something like that).

God in the Flesh

For the past few weeks I have been listening to a couple of speakers on Christian radio at lunch. The Bible studies and lessons are always timely. For the past couple of days I've been listening to a guy named Stuart McAlister. Today he cited this quote:

"The incarnation should be the model for missions."

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. (John 1:14)

Are we living as God in the flesh to the world around us? Jesus' whole being was to bring others into a relationship with God. Is mine? Whether we are at home, at work, overseas, at the grocery store. Does my life cause the word to become flesh to those around me? Does my life really revolve around bringing Christ to the world?

Another thing that hit me there is "dwelt among us." I have been blessed to have had many non-believing friends throughout my life. I know this is something a lot of Christians struggle with - only having friends at church. Sometimes my non-Christian friends teach me more about God and Christianity than church does. My non-believing friends keep me grounded in a different way than my Christian friends do. They help me see beyond the starch, fake, church act we sometimes play with each other. Often times they are more quick to call me out when I step out of line. They keep me real.

On the flip side, while the lost of the world may not have a relationship with God - who do they often turn to when they have a crisis or a question? One of His children. When their lives fall apart or they need support, they may come seeking advice or even prayer. It is in these times that I hope I am able to help them see it is God they really seek.

This lesson today had so much good information (way too much to share in one post) but that one statement really reminded me that I need to remember that my life should cause the word to become flesh, a walking sermon if you will, to the lost around me. At the same time, I need to actually dwell among some unbelievers if I ever intend to minister to any!

Time in the ark

I was reading about Noah the other day, and something struck a chord with me. First, I've never really paid attention to the fact that they were in the ark for almost one year. I'm sure I've heard this before, but that point never really settled into the wrinkles in my brain. I mention it because I am a person that wants instant answers and instant fixes. The idea of being trapped in a big smelly boat full of animals and no lido deck makes me want to gnaw my foot off - let alone being stuck there for a YEAR!

Then I realized that sometimes God needs to put us in a place of confinement for our protection, healing and growth. He may surround us only with what we need. Food, shelter and family. We may experience this as a result of some cleansing He is doing in our world around us - but often times it is because He needs to do some cleansing within us.

I recently decided that I will need to move back home for a couple of years. I love my family dearly and have no problems living with them. But I dread the thought of temporarily giving up my independence and reducing my living quarters to one small bedroom. Then I read the story of Noah. It made me realize that this is my ark time. Some changes need to be made. Cleansing needs to take place. Rebuilding needs to be done.

So I welcome this upcoming period of "confinement." I look forward to the day God opens the door and I step out into a whole new refreshing beginning.

With each breath I take, I realize how gracious God is. I stand amazed and completely awed by the extent of His compassion and mercy. His patience is so far-reaching that I cannot comprehend it. He has the gentle touch of a feather, yet rules with the power of a thousand mighty warriors. He seems to be such an all encompassing contradiction in terms. Better yet, He wants ME to know Him with an intimacy like nothing I've ever known.

Each morning as we walk through the dusty sands of Bible times, He gently takes my hand and I feel His breath fall over me like a cool breeze. He enlightens my soul, heals my wounds and calms my fears. He delights in playful waiting - never with intentions to harm, rather to teach and to test. I see that glimmer in His eye when I succumb to His plan and yield my own. I also feel the reassuring touch of His hand when I am likened to an untamed horse - bucking and screeching under the reins. And that patience remains - firm and steady, ushering me into a place of peace.

I hear the quick drawing of His breath as He looks on my timid steps. I see the slight smile that edges across His face as I gain my footing. Faith and strength slowly building like the new legs of a fresh-birthed fawn.

Oh, to please only Him.

No room at the Inn

I read an article the other day that talked about Jesus' birth. How sad it was that no one would make room for Him. Didn't they realize who He was, etc. Then it asked this question, "Do we have room in our Inn for Jesus this Christmas season?"

I have been thinking a lot about that question. Not only during Christmas, but all year long. It seems to be something I wrestle with a lot. I am so easily side-tracked and distracted. If I lived in Bible times, would I have turned Jesus away too? Too busy with daily life to notice Him? How often do I turn Him away in my daily life now? How often do I plow through a day without stopping to include Him? How often do I make plans without asking what His plan is for me? How many times do I take Him for granted, living without gratitude for grace?

I have noticed lately that TV seems to be a huge time vacuum for me. I've always known that I watched too much TV, but not until recently have I realized just how much. A few weeks ago I fasted from TV for a week. I was seeking God in prayer over an issue, so I decided to remove that distraction. I am still amazed by the amount of prayer time and other things I was able to accomplish that week.

Now that TV is back in my life, the laundry is piling up. The house is a mess. I have fallen behind in my reading list. So many loose ends are dangling around. And I feel more stressed and unsettled. All that "resting" I do in front of the TV sure is exhausting!

I've heard of people who radically put their TVs on the curb and decided to brave life without one. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to do that just yet - but I really feel convicted that my New Year needs to involve only a fraction of the TV time I currently "enjoy."

There is such a huge difference between resting and wasting time. I think I have made an art form out of wasting time all in the name of rest. Ultimately, that has only increased my stress level, thus creating a greater need for rest. Somehow I always seem to get stuck in these "vicious cycles" (aka bad habits), and find it's like fighting with the tar baby to get out. I think the key is - JUST DO IT. Each day it's gets easier and eventually new habits form.

There is a commercial on TV right now for Jenny Craig and Valerie Bertinelli is talking about how this is the first New Year's in 20 years that losing weight isn't on her resolution list. What resolution is on your list that was there last year and maybe the year before that?

I don't want to get to the end of another year and realize that I spent more time with Tim Gunn and Tyra Banks than I did with Jesus! So - when you see me this next year, ask me what's getting more face time - my Bible or my TV!!

Back on the playground

Something happened at work today that made me feel like I was back in elementary school. It's a long story, just suffice it to say that a memo went out for all to see that on the surface appeared to single me out and give me special treatment. No one in the office knows the whole story, and several people jumped to conclusions - and that's when the gossip and backbiting started. This mentality has been going on for several years, so it's nothing new.

It hurts and angers me when people treat others badly because they step out and do something above and beyond the call of duty. There IS a difference between taking initiative/bettering yourself and brown-nosing. But most people don't see it that way. Unless you are content to sit back with the majority and coast through life with no extra effort, you will be the object of gossip, rumors and slander. And it hurts.

There will be people who come to you one day with their problems or want your help in some way, then verbally stab you in the back the next day. There will be times when you genuinely try to help people, treat them with kindness and even take on extra work that will ultimately benefit them - only to have them turn on you behind your back.

I guess this is all part of living in a fallen world. I was talking to my mom about this tonight, and after a few minutes of my whining, she simply said, "Look at what Jesus had to go through." Well. There really aren't many other statements that will stop you dead in your tracks like that one. My "crappy" day at work is nothing compared to the betrayal Jesus had to endure. No one is chasing me through the streets trying to crucify me. In comparison, my day was a walk in the park.

In a few weeks, I will no longer be working with many of these people. Chances are I will never see most of them again. My flesh so desperately wants to lash out and make sarcastic remarks or simply to snub them. Then my spirit reminds me that I do not want my last impression on these people to be one of mean-spirited pettiness. I know I need to extend grace to them and glorify God in my actions, especially now.

I keep hearing a voice inside that says, "I'm just so tired of getting my feelings hurt." And I am. But no matter where we go in life, there will always be people that will hurt our feelings. People will sometimes react poorly if we attempt to try something new. So as I navigate life, I am trying to remember that hurt people sometimes hurt others. And nothing I encounter this side of heaven will compare to the sacrifice Jesus made for me.

Report cards

I am getting prepared to go back to school and finish my degree. In my preparation, I ordered a copy of my transcripts from my first attempt at college. As I was looking them over, I saw something that I had forgotten. Something that embarrasses me terribly. My very first semester in college, I made a D in a Bible class.


If the class had been Greek or Hebrew or something exotic and difficult, I might not be quite so ashamed. But this class was on the life of Christ. I went to class thinking I knew enough about Jesus that I didn't really need to study. I didn't care for the professor at all. Basically, I didn't take the class seriously. When test day rolls around and you have 85 multiple choice questions in front of you with answers that all sound the same, coasting isn't as easy as you think.


Now, all these years later, I have that one black mark on my college transcripts. And of all things, there it is - like a neon sign: "D in the life of Christ." A friend from work was looking at the transcript and he commented on how shocked he was that I made a D in that class given my "spirituality." How humiliating.


I've been so bothered by that one letter all week. In the grand scheme of things, I guess it's not really that big of a deal, but it's a big deal to me. I'm a little amazed that my apathy and cockiness from all those years ago have come back to haunt me. I could blame it on the teacher or the "tricky" questions or whatever. The fact is, I failed to prepare.

That theme has been coming up a lot for me lately. Being unprepared. I keep going back to the bridesmaids in Matthew 25 who were caught with no oil for their lamps. I so desperately don't want to be in their shoes in any regard. I also wonder how many things I do flippantly or things I don't do everyday that reflect poorly on Jesus. Things I might not think much of now, but things that could come up later - or things I don't give a second thought to, yet cause others to raise an eyebrow. Do I really witness from the inside out, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes?

I know we can't be perfect, but as I examine my mid-term spiritual progress report, I have to wonder what grades would be there. Luckily, the grades section of my report card is covered in Jesus' blood, so we can't see the grades I really deserve. Grace really is amazing.

Now that I'm old...

...Let me impart some of my wisdom. As I reluctantly cross the threshold into my mid-thirties (ahhh, shivers run up and down my spine), I feel it bears upon me to bestow knowledge onto the youngsters of the world. So here's what being 35, unemployed, fat and single have taught me...

1. Don't waste a day of your life. If you hate your job - go home TODAY and start preparing for a new one. I don't care if you update your resume, surf the net, register for school, type up a resignation letter, sell your house and move to Guam. Just do SOMETHING. Don't wait until corporate America takes a dump in your mashed potatoes before you get off your rump and take action. Life is too short to make someone else rich doing something you hate.

2. Be real with people. They need you and you need them. Be kind and considerate, but don't fiddle fart around with people either. If you have something to say, say it. If there's a burr in your saddle - spit it out. If you want to break up, man up and do it. Life's to short to lead people on. There's too much living to be done. But remember - be kind. Living with no regret means just that - in every way.

3. Take no one for granted. That means everyone from the lady at the cash register in Target to your deaf old Aunt Myrtle that drives you crazy. When people call, answer the phone. When they leave a message - call them back. Heck - call someone out of the blue for no reason other than to tell them you are glad they are alive. Return your emails. Call people by name once in while. Smile. Life's too short to be so self-absorbed that we don't take time to recognize and acknowledge the importance of others.

4. Spend time with God EVERYDAY. There is nothing more important than this. It's hard to tap into His peace and hear His voice when you barely know what He sounds like. Fill yourself so much with Him that you begin to become one with His creation. Let His Spirit pour into you so you can truly connect with other people, with nature, with HIM. Life's too short to even attempt to navigate one minute on your own.

5. Be prepared. Think ahead. Plan. Budget. Be responsible. Don't go into debt. Waiting on God and walking in faith are not excuses for failure to plan. God gave us brains, talents and self-control. Remember the bridesmaids in Matthew 25 who were caught with no oil for their lamps. And the parable of the talents also in Matthew 25. Life's too short to be caught with your pants down.

6. Overhaul your temple. Eat right. Exercise. Friggin' get over it and lose weight if you need to. Being unhealthy can be a tremendous hindrance in so many areas of life. Unfortunately studies prove it does influence the way others react to you. It can lower self-esteem, thus reducing your ability to influence others. And it just flat out slows you down. Not to mention that it IS possible to drop dead of a heart attack at a young age. Life's too short to waste time catching your breath.

7. Figure out who YOU are. Explore. Don't be afraid to ask questions. It's okay to look silly in front of others. Figure out what you believe, what you stand for and why. Be different from other people. Never settle for someone else's beliefs, opinions, hobbies or ideas. Think for yourself. Be strong in YOUR identity. Life's too short to live in someone else's shoes.

8. For Heaven's sake, ladies - please DO NOT put your life on hold waiting for a husband. Buy a house. Take a class. Learn to dance. Dress to impress yourself. Go out and have fun. Drink deeply of life. Don't compromise who you are to "land a man." Don't sacrifice your morals in the hopes you will win his heart. And don't sit on the sidelines waiting for a man to complete you. Guys are great, and I love them - but we need to embrace who we are and where we are today (refer to #7 if you need a refresher). Life is too short to waste one single day!!

Be of good cheer!

My favorite Psalm: Psalm 86

A verse that changed my life: Jeremiah 40:4

Verses God showed me today: Psalm 27:11,13-14

As most of you know, I recently lost my job. God is doing some AMAZING things within this whole process. I can't wait until He releases me to share the whole story with you. He is creating such a testimony within me right now. I still don't know where He will ultimately take me or how He will work out the details, but He is so alive and present in my everyday. It is almost as if He peeled back the sky and allowed me to inhale a deep, fresh breath of Heaven. I stand amazed in His presence and power.

I am 100% convinced that God allows us to walk through various fires because He can use them to weave such intricate and beautiful patterns into the fabric of our lives. We, in turn, can use that fabric to wrap around the hurting, hopeless, and lost around us.

We are not a people without hope. We are not a people of weakness. We are not a people ruled by fear. We serve the Most High God. He directs our steps. He knows the plans He has for us - plans to prosper us, not to harm us. God is good - and He longs for the chance to prove that to us in any and every situation.

17 New Revelations

1. I'm more disposable that I thought I was.
2. Getting laid off feels like breaking up.
3. What you feel is what you feel. Just because others don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't valid.
4. No one cares as much about your well-being as you do (okay, except for God and maybe mom & dad...)
5. You don't have to make decisions based on anyone else's time table.
6. Being upset and not eating doesn't always mean you lose weight.
7. Even when others get frustrated and give up on you, God never will.
8. Just because my faith doesn't look like yours doesn't mean I don't have any.
9. Sometimes having friends hurts a lot.
10. I am a pack rat with WAY too much stuff.
11. It's okay to do the unexpected.
12. I have a closet full of clothes yet have nothing to wear.
13. When you're scared, there's no place like home.
14. Encouragement has a short shelf-life.
15. God gives us the freedom of choice more often than we think.
16. When something bad happens, well-meaning people will hurt your feelings with unintended flippancy.
17. Being pro-active is part of waiting on God.

God is Good - Regardless

So much has happened since my last post. So many things have happened to so many people I love, and so much has happened to me. Some days I feel like I am surrounded by tragedy, but I am too weak to help anyone. And I am so tired. I know God hears our cries, but for whatever reason He hasn't taken us out of the fire yet.

Within the past 2 months or so, one of my best friend's suffered a life-altering ordeal. Another good friend passed away. Another best friend's mom had to have life-saving brain surgery. Several people from church died. I lost my job (and so did several of my close friends that work with me). Another good friend is moving away. One of my parents' close friends is in ICU and was in a drug-induced coma until a couple of days ago. A friend at work had to put her dog to sleep. I could go on, but I won't. I can't remember the last time such suffering has lingered so long on our doorstep.

Some days I get so overwhelmed that I feel like I simply can't go on. I keep trying to shut down and slip into a state of denial and inactivity. My dad, being a counselor, has been staying on my case helping me to realize that what I am truly facing is depression. I don't think I've ever felt this level of depression before - the kind that almost immobilizes you. I can't imagine what it must be like for people that suffer from this on an ongoing basis. My heart hurts for them.

Each time I slow down, there my dad is - like a cattle prod - telling me to do something. I cry a lot these days. Tonight was a really tough night for some reason. I came home from a friend's house and just sat down and cried for a long time. As soon as the tears stopped, I forced myself to immediately get up and do something positive. What I really wanted to do is go to bed. But I got up, made a phone call that needed to be made and immediately felt a little better. That, in turn, inspired me to do one more thing. So here I am - a few accomplishments later, and I feel a little better. My situation hasn't changed, but my total sense of helplessness and despair is better.

My thoughts and outlook seem to change hourly these days. I know I will bounce back, but it's taking longer than I expected. Honestly, I haven't suffered too many life-altering blows in my life, so I've been lucky. I guess these down times hit me really hard because I am usually a pretty upbeat person. So this is tough. But God has been teaching me some amazing things lately. He has been surrounding me with so many wise and spiritually rich people. Oh, what a blessing they have been. Someone told me a week ago that several of them were going to believe for me until I could believe. They would be excited about what God was doing in my situation until I could be excited. They were standing for me when I could not stand. Wow. Isn't God good?

I will share my experiences with God in the next few days. He is the One true God - our Provider, Comforter, Teacher, Healer, Father, King and Friend. Oh - how He loves us. How perfect and wonderful and praiseworthy He is. I hope things are going well in your life today. If not, be encouraged. I have seen the Lord - and HE IS GOOD.

The Smiles of God

There's been a lot of talk about the names of God. But what about the smiles of God? People say "God smiled on me today." What does that look like? We all have a million and one different smiles that dance across our faces at some point. There's the "I'm up to something," the "Hey, watch this," the "sheepish," the "smiling through tears," the "isn't he so sweet," the "inside joke," the "courtesy smile," the "unspoken conversation across a crowded room smile," the "silent victory," the "self-satisfaction," the "proud momma," the "I'm about to plant one on you," and endless others.

I think God has a million and one smiles too. When He smiles, sometimes I think His teeth must be like a jack'o-lantern and that's where the sunbeams come from. When the sun shines during a rain, is that His smiling through tears? I know He smiles when we do something funny or good or when we trip over our own feet while trying to take baby steps of faith. Sometimes I think He smiles at us through little babies or puppy dogs (y'all know they grin...). God's smiles are all around us and in us and on us. I can't NOT smile when someone smiles at me. Stands to reason if I recognized more of His smiles, mine would multiply in return.

Family portraits are so much fun!

Well, they say the nut doesn't fall far from the tree..... Here's my family tree. Explains a lot, huh?

Dad at Comedy Barn

I laughed until I cried...this is GREAT!!

Realizations

I attended the funeral of a very dear friend yesterday. I can honestly say that it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I don't remember most of the drive home, and I cried so much last night that I made myself sick. Not only am I sad that my friend is gone, I am filled with regret that I let so much time lapse without seeing him.

Wayne lived in another city, a city I used to live in. I went through some painful times in that city, so it was just easier to leave and never look back. The only problem is that I left the good with the bad. I don't deal well with good-bye's, so when I left that city, I left everything including all the people I love. I treat separation like ripping off a band-aid. Move on, get it over with quick so it won't hurt so much. But the hurt has a way of catching up with you one way or the other.

As I drove back to Phenix City, I was filled with anxiety. So many people I had not seen in years. Some doors I needed to close. Friendships that had fallen by the wayside. The reunion was so bittersweet. People embraced me like I was the long lost missing link. With some we just hugged and cried and spoke very little. Words weren't needed. These people are a part of me. We share a past and memories that will never be forgotten. The times I spent with them are emblazoned on my soul and helped mold me into who I am. Everyone looked older. Some were now divorced, some widowed. Some had kids. But each and every one of them had the same spirit, you could see it in their eyes. We are all so different, yet we are all the same. I guess it's like that when you become a part of someone.

The service was very sweet. We laughed and cried. We sang. Wayne's brother, Benny, told stories that we all related to. In that moment, we sat there as one, both grief-stricken yet joyful. Being a Christian is really weird sometimes. You develop these instant bonds with people you don't even know. They grow into your life and their spirit takes root and becomes part of your foundation. They die and we are both happy and sad. Sad for us to be without them, happy that they are with Jesus (saving us a seat on the front row).

As I said, I am burdened by a tremendous sense of regret that I let so many years pass between visits. Wayne knew that I love him. I have no doubt about that. While I regret that I won't get to tell him just one last time how much I love him this side of heaven, I am grateful that I will have that chance some day. As I mingled among so many old friends yesterday, I was filled with such a longing for them. I genuinely miss them. I've been thinking a lot about regret today. I don't want to reach another significant event in my life and have it overshadowed by regret. I don't want to reach the end of another ordinary day and look back on it with regret.

Wayne taught me so many things in my life. He changed the way I think about things. He helped me learn to laugh at myself (he certainly laughed at me enough!). He always told me to "be sweet." He even influenced my love for music (I am crazy about 70's music thanks to him). I learned some new things about him yesterday that I didn't know. And yet again, he touched my life. Even now, I am still learning from him....live without regret.

Sad Goodbye

I got a call today that a friend of mine passed away this morning. He unexpectedly died of a heart attack. He wasn't overweight or terribly unhealthy. He just died suddenly. He was one of the sweetest and most fun people I ever knew. He had a tremendous impact on my life - even down to influencing the kind of music I like. I am shocked and saddened tonight that he is gone.

I had not talked to Wayne in a while. Circumstances of life sort of took us in different directions, but every time I saw him it was as if no time had passed and no words need be spoken. There are so few people on earth that you connect with in that manner. You know the ones you can look at across a room and have a full conversation without ever uttering a sound. I wish I could see him just one more time to make sure I told him how much he means to me, but with Wayne, I think he knew. At least I hope he did.

I will, at some point, post a blog about him. For now, I just can't put it into words.

If there is someone in your life that you haven't seen in a while or, heck, someone you had lunch with today that you haven't expressed your gratitude, love or appreciation for - please don't wait another day.

Sacrificing Self

For the past couple of weeks, I have been doing some examining of my life - who I am, what I am about, my passions, the things that drive me, and the things that always seem to trip me up. I have begun to realize with more clarity than ever how remarkably selfish I am. Like looking at one of those 3-D prints, I can finally see the picture. So many of the things that cause me to feel defeated in life are a direct result of selfishness. Of all these realizations, here's the one that hit me hardest: I am astounded to realize how rarely I tell myself "no." Selfishness has mushroomed into self-indulgent gluttony in many areas of my life.

As a society, we live in a world of instant gratification. We are under tremendous amounts of debt. We are overweight and suffering the physical health problems that follow. We are immune to the numerous four letter words that are littered throughout our television lives. Relationships are not sacred and have almost become disposable. All as a result of feeding our greedy flesh whatever it desires. No restraints.

As I read about Jesus in the book of John, His primary goal in life was to serve, honor and obey God. He was homeless. He ran with a pack of misfits and hung out with the seedy, undesirables from town. He hardly ever had an uninterrupted moment to Himself. Isn't it funny that even Jesus' life wasn't all about Him?! He was JESUS. The Son of God and Savior of the world - and even He was not focused on Himself. He lived to serve God. His one desire was that people came to know the Father.

Everyone I know has a hang-up of some sort. That is part of being human. While I truly believe that God uses these hang-up's as a tool to draw us closer to Him, I don't believe He intends for us to stay married to these problems and hang on to them like life support. There are so many other ways He can reveal Himself to us and teach us things. And if we weren't playing merri-go-round with our sins, we might have more time to focus on leading others to Him. It seems to come full circle back to selfishness. I wonder how many of our hang-up's, fears, sins and various other problems could be resolved with genuine sacrificial living and the crucifixion of selfishness.

Hot Pockets

Well, it finally happened... Today at work one of my co-workers told me she was going to the breakroom to heat up her Hot Pocket for lunch. Much to her surprise, I burst out laughing and was unable to adequately explain why. So for all of you that choose to eat Hot Pockets in my presence, here's why I'm laughing... (thanks, Jon)

Forgive Jesus?

Yesterday I sat spellbound as I listened to someone share an encounter they'd had with God. First, I am always intrigued anytime someone is willing to reveal details of an exchange with Him. Hearing from God is often such a misunderstood and mystical event that it continues to challenge and stretch me. But this particular encounter with the Most High stopped me in my tracks and puts things in slow motion when I stop to think about it.

My friend had been hurt by something, and as a result had become angry with God. In the course of her struggle with Him, Jesus asked her if she could forgive Him. Errrrrrrrk....beep...beep...beep - back it up. What? Jesus asked you what? She went on to explain that He wasn't asking for forgiveness - He had done nothing wrong. He was asking if she could forgive Him - could she get passed it and let go of her anger.

That painted such a beautiful picture of Jesus to me. A picture of a Savior that truly approaches us with compassion. What a picture of gentle strength and quiet power. He seeks us where we are and reaches into our hearts to massage away the pain, the hurt, the guilt and the sin. He is the friend who holds our hair as we puke in the toilet of life (bet you never heard that in a study on the names of God...but honestly - is there a truer friend than that?).

Sometimes I hold back with Jesus. I even avoid Him from time to time. I do this because I believe the lies Satan tells me about my need to be perfect. And since I am never perfect, I often find myself running from God in some futile and irrational effort to hide my imperfection. I am baffled as to why I will allow my earthly friends to see my flaws, yet try to hide them from the One who sees everything. Maybe I feel some small amount of control over how well others know me, yet with God there is no control. The thought that Someone could know me so deeply and intimately is scary to me. Therefore, I strap on my fig leaves and run and hide.

We had Friend Day at church yesterday, and Buddy preached about Jesus being our friend. His lesson was my all time favorite "Best of Buddy Bell" sermon on Peter and Jesus. In the past 10 - 15 years or so, I have heard variations of this lesson from Buddy 3 times in various settings. And I sit on the edge of my seat every time. I would have to say it is my all time favorite sermon. He spoke about Peter and Jesus. When Peter walked on water and began to sink, Jesus immediately reached down and grabbed him. Even after Peter denied Jesus, He pursued Peter. He met Peter where he was mentally, emotionally and spiritually. He knew Peter wasn't perfect, and He loved Him anyway.

The more I learn about Jesus, the more I see that my drive for perfection is not of Him. He meets me where I am and works with what's on my heart that day. He doesn't overwhelm me with a laundry list of growth steps and future spiritual "achievements" He expects of me. He takes what's on my plate today, and we go from there.