Hangin' with Jesus at the well

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been studying the book of John lately. The weird thing about this study is that it seems as if I am meeting Jesus for the first time. It's like being back in school where you see this guy in the hallway every day, know where his locker is, know the crowd he runs with - but you only know of that world rather than living in that world. Or maybe it's a movie star, you know the Tiger Beat mini posters you hang all over your room.....and Kirk's favorite color is blue, he likes to swim and his favorite movie is Teen Wolf. Oh my gosh! Mine too. Then one day this intimate stranger steps in your path and asks to carry your books.

It's not that I've never read the book of John before. It's not that I'm not a Christian. It's not that I don't pray or don't have a relationship with God. It's just that lately, for whatever reason, Jesus has come alive in some Princess Bride kind of way. It's gone beyond my Grandpa reading the story to me, and I have stepped into the story as Princess Buttercup.

In studying the book of John, my friends and I have been seeking a lot of information on Biblical culture and traditions of the times. It really will change the entire Biblical experience for you. Words have new meaning. The scriptures dance on the page. I can hear the laughter and dancing, and even smell the grapes as Jesus turned water into wine in Cana. I can hear the flutter of doves wings and coins clinking on the ground as Jesus turns over the tables in temple. But what really gets me is the Samaritan woman at the well.

This woman is me; she is all of us. No, we may not be living in the shadow of 5 ex-husbands and shacking up with a new man. Her sin is irrelevant - her sin symbolizes all of our sin. If we look past the sin, as Jesus did, we see this incredible interaction between her and Jesus. Imagine how hot it must have been, noon and the sun is beating down. You've just hauled this mammoth water jar down to the well. Suddenly, going against all things proper and decent - this man strikes up a convo with you. Can't you just see the compassion in his eyes? I see him walking slowly around the well as we talk. He sips water from a ladle and pours some onto the dusty ground. His friends show up, yet he does not break eye contact with me. He sacrifices all cultural norms along with his very reputation to make a point. Not only that, he camps out there for two days - defiling himself by Jewish standards so that many Samaritans will come to know him.

I am so moved by this story. Again, I am this woman. I am unworthy to be acknowledged by Jesus, yet he throws justice and tradition aside to make me feel loved. He gently teaches me and guides me toward the path of life. Jesus is all about us. The very One that gives us life puts himself on the back burner and focuses on us. His yoke is easy and his burden is light (know what that statement really means?). Loving Jesus and being loved by Him is such a breath of fresh air. Is it really possible that we serve a God who puts us first? Pinch me. This feels like a dream.

My first date with Jesus

This week I have been listening to a lesson series on relationships. The speaker is fantastic, and he fills his lessons with stories and analogies (which are life to me when listening to a sermon). He flips back and forth between discussion of a woman's responsibility vs a man's responsibility. At one point, he spoke of a woman who wasn't under authority. Growing up, she wasn't under her father's authority. She disrespected her husband because she wasn't under his authority. Ultimately, she wasn't under God's authority.

I've never been married, so I can't presume to say what it is like. However, for years I have heard a multitude of Christian women complain about having to be submissive. I've never really known what to think about that. Listening to these ladies, it sounds a little scary to me. But as this pastor explained what it was to live under authority, some of the clouds began to dissipate. Living under authority was directly tied to her husband's treatment of her. As he expounded on the Song of Solomon, this picture of a beautiful man began to emerge - a man who was gentle, loving, complimentary, protecting, sensitive, adoring, and strong (I think I am getting a little bit of a crush on ol' Solomon). I still don't know about this submission debate, but I think I'd like to give it a try if it were with a man like this.

The more I listen to these lessons, the more I begin to realize how I want to be treated and what kind of marriage and husband I want. Then the more I listen, the more hesitant of marriage I become - I've never dated a man like this. I've never been loved this way before. Is it really possible? Do husbands and marriages like this really exist? While I desire to be a wife someday, dare I think that I could have this? It seems so unreal that I am almost afraid to dream of it.

It's funny that I am listening to this lesson series this week. I am also doing a study on the book of John right now. I feel like I am getting to know Jesus in a new way. He is becoming real to me. John lends several insights into the humanity of Jesus. He paints a picture of a real, tangible man with skin on that gets tired and needs to stop for lunch. He is filled with passion and fire. He's strong and athletic, yet compassionate and soft spoken. He values family and friendship. He cares for strangers and speaks his mind. He puts the needs of others ahead of his own needs and reputation. He is nurturing and patient. He's kind and loving. His character, his nature - that IS the husband described in these lessons. That is the man in Song of Solomon. He is the kind of man I would feel safe being in submission to.

I think I have spent a lot of time living on the fence. Calling myself a follower of Jesus, but watching Him out of the corner of my eye. Taking His words under advisement, yet seeking my own map. This picture that has been painted of this dreamy, Biblical husband has helped me understand Jesus. It has helped me see the love He has for me. I don't know if I will ever find this "Song of Solomon love" here on earth, but realizing that I already have it in Jesus completely changes the way I feel about myself as a woman and as a single person. To know that He loves me this way melts away rigidity, fear and apprehension and makes me feel loved, cherished and protected. It gives me the freedom to open myself to Him and what He truly offers as my Savior.

I think I have been living as if Jesus has been my boss. The view I have had of our relationship has been more about what I am doing wrong, how I am falling short - almost as if He is in heaven with one eyebrow raised, arms folded, looking down on me and shaking His head. As I learn more about "Jesus the person" - the human side of Jesus, I realize I have only been seeing the God side of Jesus (which can be quite intimidating). But the human side of Jesus is helping me better understand the God side of Jesus. And looking at Him in light of a healthy relationship - one that is about love, selflessness, sacrifice, nurturing, kindness, authenticity, protection and friendship - it makes me feel like I just got home from my first date...

God and the opossum

The other night my dog got into a fight with something under the deck in my backyard. I think it was a opossum, but I'm not totally sure. The whole event was a huge dramatic fiasco. I was frantic, trying to hold back tears and hysteria. I couldn't get Cooper (my dog) to come out from under the deck. I was worried that the evil beast that lurked below would actually kill him. I called my dad and my friend, Lisa. They both, of course, came to my aid. All in all, we had a happy ending. After spraying the hose on the battling duo, we finally managed to coax Cooper back from the jaws of death. He was covered in mud. I was covered in mud. Everything was covered in mud. My tub was covered in mud. It was a groady, nasty mess, but we are all alive and well.

As I replay those moments in my mind, I recall that sick feeling I had in my gut. That frantic state of panic mingled with helplessness that overwhelmed my senses. It reminded me of the very same sick feeling I've had when I have witnessed friends make a choice to live in sin. On a couple of occasions I have had people very close to me make decisions to purposefully engage in ravenous sinful behavior. The exhausting conversations pleading with them to reconsider will be burned onto my heart forever.

It is so painful to sit back and watch someone you love walk into the darkness of sin. Knowing there is nothing you can do, yet dying inside to stop them. And I remember that sick feeling I always get when those situations arise. I wonder how many times God feels that way about His children. How many times have we danced around the flames of sin, squealing with glee as the fire tickles our ankles.

Sometimes it's hard for me to imagine God having real emotion toward me. Despite the numerous examples in scripture that so vividly display the emotions of God spilling out over the earth like a flooded coffee mug, I sometimes fail to make that connection personally. Yet I look at the cross and know that His gut wrenches and His heart aches for each of us. He sees me and you, and He smiles on us and agonizes over us. His heart beats for us like ours do when our loved ones make us proud and when they break our hearts.

One thing I love about God is the way He speaks. I am amazed and often amused when I see His face peeking into my day and using some of the most off the wall stuff to teach me. This time He used a opossum to remind me how connected He is to each of us - how real, involved, attentive and emotional He is in each of our lives. What an awesome, amazing, fun, adventurous, patient, creative, passionate, generous, powerful and loving God we serve!