I recently attended a wedding for my cousin in Memphis, TN. At the reception, they had an awesome band playing. People were dancing, laughing, talking, mingling. The lights were low, and the ambiance was perfect. While the setting was amazing, it got me to thinking about the low lighting and noise in my life.
Anytime you wanted to talk to someone at this reception, you almost had to shout to be heard, many times having to repeat yourself. This can become frustrating after a while, almost to the point of discouraging communication. My daily life so often parallels this situation.
I have reached a point where I feel like I need to wipe the slate clean and start over. Spring cleaning, yard sale season, whatever. I have too many things going on. Too many outside forces pulling me in different directions. Too many loose ends on the worldly side of things. After this wedding, I began thinking about all the noise in my life. It seems I have so many distractions that I cannot hear the One True Voice that matters most - God.
I have decided to curtail TV, spending, unhealthy eating, worldly relationships, and inefficient rest for one week. Lately it seems life has become so self-indulgent, so rushed, so competitive that I am running in circles and going nowhere. I told someone today that I was crispy around the edges and singed from the burn-out I was suffering. I need to take a step back, rid myself of all the noise and have a "cleansing" if you will. I wouldn't call it a big "fast" per se, just a break. A time to refocus and clear my head.
When I am truly connected to God and can hear the whisper of His voice, it is the sweetest sound ever to grace my ears. He has awakened me in the middle of the night before to tell me to read something from His word. He has splashed sunbeams across the sky just for me because that's something special we share. He sings to me on the radio and ministers to me through the birds of the air. This world is alive with the sound of His voice, the rustle of the leaves as He passes by, the gentle breeze that carries his laughter. Oh how I miss Him.
When I allow my life to become cluttered with too much junk, it is like a teenager listening to heavy metal music in their bedroom. It rattles the walls of the entire house, damages their hearing, and no one can communicate with them. I wonder how tired God must be of trying to talk to me above the noise. How many glimpses of beauty and grace have I missed because I was off head-banging in my room?
Not saying there's anything wrong with a little heavy metal from time to time. It's a part of life. But too much leaves one dusty and dry. I miss the plush refreshment of peace that washes over you when you are in close communion with Him. I have simply let myself get too caught up in the mundane and unimportant. Now I am out here trying to drink the sand in the desert. It's no good. So I am embarking on a journey of refreshment. I am going to try to steer clear of the computer for a week or so....so I'll let you know how it goes!
Monday, June 26, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
Asleep on the Battlefield
Today I was in Atlanta driving on I285. If you know anything about Atlanta, you know that 285 is the "Bypass" also known as the "Perimeter." On a map, it is the big circle around Atlanta. All of the 18-wheelers are supposed to take this route rather than driving 85 straight through the city. While I'm not wild about zipping my little car in and out of traffic between those giant trucks, I do it anyway. Today as I was making that drive, I could barely stay awake. I have been on the go so much lately that I am near exhaustion. Sleep has not been plentiful in several weeks now, and the monotony of driving sometimes puts me right out.
As I was driving today, I kept having to sing, shake my head, turn up the AC, and anything else I could think of to stay awake. It occurred to me that this scenario is a parallel to my spiritual life many days. As I am whizzing through traffic, I am constantly surrounded by danger and near-death experiences. Yet I am on the verge of sleep.
How many times have I become complacent in my walk with God, that temptation will creep up on me and surround me? How sleepy have I become that I am caught up in the things of this world and swept away before I realize it? How many dangerous and potentially fatal things have I allowed the Enemy to position right beside me?
Today, I was in that condition for several reasons. One, I was physically exhausted. I've been going and doing too much. I haven't given my body a chance to recharge. It's no wonder that I am falling asleep at the wheel. Two, I had been traveling the same path with nothing fresh and new for some time. Three, I was traveling alone. No one to talk to. The same is true for our walk with God.
We become so busy with other things, even church things that we do not take time to revive ourselves physically or spiritually. This sets us up for falling prey to temptation and weakens our resistance. Second, we often get stuck in a spiritual rut - never experiencing God in new ways. Worshipping Him in a different setting or stepping out of our comfort zone to serve someone can wake us up and give us a fresh perspective and energy. Finally, we were not meant to walk alone. It is so easy to stray from the path when we have no one beside us to keep us motivated, encouraged and accountable.
A few weeks ago, there was a fatal accident on 285 in Atlanta. A UPS truck (18 wheeler) and a van had pulled over to the shoulder - broken down. A UPS mechanic was under the truck working on it. Another 18 wheeler came along and plowed right into the truck, killing the mechanic. The driver had fallen asleep and had not even slowed down. On the news, you could not even recognize the truck that had been hit because it was completely destroyed.
When we fall asleep at the spiritual wheel, we not only run the risk of wrecking our own lives, we also put others in danger. We are called to be a light to the world. We are called to encourage one another. As ministers of God, we cannot afford to become lazy and complacent. We may be the only Jesus some people will ever see. If we are careening down a path of destruction, we run the risk of taking others with us by example or simply running them over with our blindness.
We all need to get some rest and revive physically and spiritually. I was once told that sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap. I couldn't agree more. Not only do we need to slow down as a society, we also need to hush up. Rest and relaxation can go hand in hand with quiet meditation.
We all need a change of scenery. Shake things up a bit. God is not one sided and intends for us to see Him from many angles. Put your "3D glasses" on and look for Him in a new way.
And like the "after school specials" commercials - it's always safer and more fun to travel with friends. We weren't meant to navigate this journey alone. So load up the station wagon before you head out tomorrow...
So be on your guard, not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be sober.
-1 Thess 5:6
Encourage each other and build each other up...
-1 Thess 5:11a
As I was driving today, I kept having to sing, shake my head, turn up the AC, and anything else I could think of to stay awake. It occurred to me that this scenario is a parallel to my spiritual life many days. As I am whizzing through traffic, I am constantly surrounded by danger and near-death experiences. Yet I am on the verge of sleep.
How many times have I become complacent in my walk with God, that temptation will creep up on me and surround me? How sleepy have I become that I am caught up in the things of this world and swept away before I realize it? How many dangerous and potentially fatal things have I allowed the Enemy to position right beside me?
Today, I was in that condition for several reasons. One, I was physically exhausted. I've been going and doing too much. I haven't given my body a chance to recharge. It's no wonder that I am falling asleep at the wheel. Two, I had been traveling the same path with nothing fresh and new for some time. Three, I was traveling alone. No one to talk to. The same is true for our walk with God.
We become so busy with other things, even church things that we do not take time to revive ourselves physically or spiritually. This sets us up for falling prey to temptation and weakens our resistance. Second, we often get stuck in a spiritual rut - never experiencing God in new ways. Worshipping Him in a different setting or stepping out of our comfort zone to serve someone can wake us up and give us a fresh perspective and energy. Finally, we were not meant to walk alone. It is so easy to stray from the path when we have no one beside us to keep us motivated, encouraged and accountable.
A few weeks ago, there was a fatal accident on 285 in Atlanta. A UPS truck (18 wheeler) and a van had pulled over to the shoulder - broken down. A UPS mechanic was under the truck working on it. Another 18 wheeler came along and plowed right into the truck, killing the mechanic. The driver had fallen asleep and had not even slowed down. On the news, you could not even recognize the truck that had been hit because it was completely destroyed.
When we fall asleep at the spiritual wheel, we not only run the risk of wrecking our own lives, we also put others in danger. We are called to be a light to the world. We are called to encourage one another. As ministers of God, we cannot afford to become lazy and complacent. We may be the only Jesus some people will ever see. If we are careening down a path of destruction, we run the risk of taking others with us by example or simply running them over with our blindness.
We all need to get some rest and revive physically and spiritually. I was once told that sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap. I couldn't agree more. Not only do we need to slow down as a society, we also need to hush up. Rest and relaxation can go hand in hand with quiet meditation.
We all need a change of scenery. Shake things up a bit. God is not one sided and intends for us to see Him from many angles. Put your "3D glasses" on and look for Him in a new way.
And like the "after school specials" commercials - it's always safer and more fun to travel with friends. We weren't meant to navigate this journey alone. So load up the station wagon before you head out tomorrow...
So be on your guard, not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be sober.
-1 Thess 5:6
Encourage each other and build each other up...
-1 Thess 5:11a
Friday, June 16, 2006
To Believe or Not Believe...
I can't tell you how many times I have either heard or made the statement, "I wish God would just tell me ______." Or "Why can't God me more clear on _______." Then there's "I think God is telling me _______, but I don't know if that's Him or something I just cooked up in my own mind. I sure wish He would send me some sort of confirmation." Often we seem to seek the road map rather than the Father.
In Genesis 15, God told Abraham that he would have a son. This is clearly something Abraham had longed for, something that he desired. It wasn't a bad desire. Yet it went unfulfilled, unanswered for quite some time. In verse 4, God simply tells Abraham it would come to pass. No time table, no map, no itinerary - just a simple statement of fact. Abraham's reaction here is key. "Abraham believed the Lord" (verse 6).
Belief was Abraham's immediate response. Later he does ask God for some sort of script. Verse 9, "O Sovereign Lord, how can I be sure that you will give it to me?" Our human nature desires structure and planning. We fear the unknown, and we covet control (or at least inclusion). God is big enough, loving enough and patient enough to handle these types of questions. But remember, Abraham's question followed belief. His belief did not hinge on the road map. All too often, I postpone belief waiting for my copy of the flight plans. I want to believe, but I like to do a little market analysis and some numbers crunching before I can commit. So my belief often follows the questions. That clearly is not what faith is about.
Abraham's response of belief earned him God's seal of approval. Abraham believed, and "God declared him righteous because of his faith" (verse 6). Even after God restates his promise to Abraham, He still does not lay out the time frame or the how's and where's. He simply tells him again with a little more detail that he will have an heir. Sometimes God just lays it out there and leaves it. No further explanation. He expects us to trust Him. We have to make a conscious decision to simply believe Him.
As for the argument of "How do I know if this is God telling me this or if it's something I cooked up," all I can say is to step back and really look at this "promise." Will it benefit the Kingdom? You can be sure that Satan will not point you in the direction of anything that will strengthen you spiritually. He will not encourage you down a path that is going to further the Kingdom. That being said, we can get into very fuzzy lines here. While Satan is not going to try selling you on something Godly, he can use seemingly Godly things to distract you. All in all, we simply don't know with 100% certainty. That is where faith comes in.
When we sense God is laying something on our hearts, and it is aligned with His word - we must make a choice to either believe or question. Abraham chose belief, and it was credited to him as righteousness. Asking for direction is okay, but belief must be our first step.
In Genesis 15, God told Abraham that he would have a son. This is clearly something Abraham had longed for, something that he desired. It wasn't a bad desire. Yet it went unfulfilled, unanswered for quite some time. In verse 4, God simply tells Abraham it would come to pass. No time table, no map, no itinerary - just a simple statement of fact. Abraham's reaction here is key. "Abraham believed the Lord" (verse 6).
Belief was Abraham's immediate response. Later he does ask God for some sort of script. Verse 9, "O Sovereign Lord, how can I be sure that you will give it to me?" Our human nature desires structure and planning. We fear the unknown, and we covet control (or at least inclusion). God is big enough, loving enough and patient enough to handle these types of questions. But remember, Abraham's question followed belief. His belief did not hinge on the road map. All too often, I postpone belief waiting for my copy of the flight plans. I want to believe, but I like to do a little market analysis and some numbers crunching before I can commit. So my belief often follows the questions. That clearly is not what faith is about.
Abraham's response of belief earned him God's seal of approval. Abraham believed, and "God declared him righteous because of his faith" (verse 6). Even after God restates his promise to Abraham, He still does not lay out the time frame or the how's and where's. He simply tells him again with a little more detail that he will have an heir. Sometimes God just lays it out there and leaves it. No further explanation. He expects us to trust Him. We have to make a conscious decision to simply believe Him.
As for the argument of "How do I know if this is God telling me this or if it's something I cooked up," all I can say is to step back and really look at this "promise." Will it benefit the Kingdom? You can be sure that Satan will not point you in the direction of anything that will strengthen you spiritually. He will not encourage you down a path that is going to further the Kingdom. That being said, we can get into very fuzzy lines here. While Satan is not going to try selling you on something Godly, he can use seemingly Godly things to distract you. All in all, we simply don't know with 100% certainty. That is where faith comes in.
When we sense God is laying something on our hearts, and it is aligned with His word - we must make a choice to either believe or question. Abraham chose belief, and it was credited to him as righteousness. Asking for direction is okay, but belief must be our first step.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Creation
I don't know about you, but I am a creation junky. When I get into the creative zone, I lose all track of time and find it hard to stop. I love that feeling of being awake at 2:00 A.M., eyes all red, body tired - yet so exhilarated by the project at hand you can't figure how it got to be so late. I've been there many times, often covered in paint or knee deep in something.
My former roommate used to make fun of me because I say everything takes 20 minutes. Maybe I think that because it only feels like 20 minutes when I am in that zone. In the same way a thousand years is as a day and a day a thousand years to God, so it is with me and creative time. I have been known to go to my bedroom with the intention of going to bed only to end up re-arranging furniture for several hours. When I get that itch, I can't sit still (or sleep) until I've done something about it. And with me, there typically are no simple projects. I seem to have a flair for the elaborate (what can I say, one idea sparks another and another and another...).
As I was on my way home from photography class tonight, I passed a small store with the windows mostly covered in paper. The lights were on inside, and through one uncovered window I could see a couple of people inside unpacking, organizing, etc. I wondered if they were simply moving an existing business or if they were starting something new. It was late, and I wondered if they had that tired feeling in their bones. I twinge of envy passed through my body. There is nothing quite like the sense of accomplishment you experience after you've poured your heart and soul into creating something. And, oh the sweet sleep that follows when you fall into bed almost to the point of sheer exhaustion.
While I know God does not grow tired, I can only imagine Him during the Creation. Forming, shaping, painting things with brilliant colors, then standing back to take a look. Adding a little more, make a change here, tweek there. Ah, now - that's it! Then at the end of the process, He kicks back to chill and enjoy that feeling of completion. That "it is finished" feeling.
I can't help but think of another "it is finished" moment. You know the one. The moment that suspended Creation between Heaven and Earth. The moment that made it possible for us to anticipate the final "it is finished" moment with joy. Can you imagine the collective sigh of completion we will all experience when we are all in Heaven? For God, He can kick back now that His kids are home. For us, we can finally relax and kick off our shoes. Kind of like that feeling you get when returning home from a long trip. We'll all be there together, with that fullness in our bones, that sense of completion and wholeness. It is finished. Woohoo! I can't wait! But I do wonder how long it will take before I start wanting to re-arrange the furniture in my mansion! ;)
My former roommate used to make fun of me because I say everything takes 20 minutes. Maybe I think that because it only feels like 20 minutes when I am in that zone. In the same way a thousand years is as a day and a day a thousand years to God, so it is with me and creative time. I have been known to go to my bedroom with the intention of going to bed only to end up re-arranging furniture for several hours. When I get that itch, I can't sit still (or sleep) until I've done something about it. And with me, there typically are no simple projects. I seem to have a flair for the elaborate (what can I say, one idea sparks another and another and another...).
As I was on my way home from photography class tonight, I passed a small store with the windows mostly covered in paper. The lights were on inside, and through one uncovered window I could see a couple of people inside unpacking, organizing, etc. I wondered if they were simply moving an existing business or if they were starting something new. It was late, and I wondered if they had that tired feeling in their bones. I twinge of envy passed through my body. There is nothing quite like the sense of accomplishment you experience after you've poured your heart and soul into creating something. And, oh the sweet sleep that follows when you fall into bed almost to the point of sheer exhaustion.
While I know God does not grow tired, I can only imagine Him during the Creation. Forming, shaping, painting things with brilliant colors, then standing back to take a look. Adding a little more, make a change here, tweek there. Ah, now - that's it! Then at the end of the process, He kicks back to chill and enjoy that feeling of completion. That "it is finished" feeling.
I can't help but think of another "it is finished" moment. You know the one. The moment that suspended Creation between Heaven and Earth. The moment that made it possible for us to anticipate the final "it is finished" moment with joy. Can you imagine the collective sigh of completion we will all experience when we are all in Heaven? For God, He can kick back now that His kids are home. For us, we can finally relax and kick off our shoes. Kind of like that feeling you get when returning home from a long trip. We'll all be there together, with that fullness in our bones, that sense of completion and wholeness. It is finished. Woohoo! I can't wait! But I do wonder how long it will take before I start wanting to re-arrange the furniture in my mansion! ;)
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Not Alone
Eureka!! I have finally met someone with as many crazy stories as me! We have a new girl at work who seems to be trapped in a comic strip life like me. Now the pressure's off! Finally, I'm not alone. She was telling me stories today about setting her hair on fire. At least when I set myself on fire, it was only my pajamas. She also told me about a time when she drove a lawn mower up to the gas station so she could buy a coke. I never did that. My driving stories only involve stealing a car at age 14, getting pulled over by the military police, peeling my tires through an intersection in front of a cop, getting "lost" on the army base and ending up behind the targets on the firing range, 3 accidents, 1 ticket that involved court, blowing the engine out of a car, driving a car with a poltergeist, drag racing in a minivan, and a couple of others I won't mention.
Okay, so it appears I might be a little out ahead in the wild stories department. But hey, she is a few years younger than me, so she has plenty of time to catch up. Maybe I can be her mentor.
Okay, so it appears I might be a little out ahead in the wild stories department. But hey, she is a few years younger than me, so she has plenty of time to catch up. Maybe I can be her mentor.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
A Rose is a Rose
I heard this song years ago, but had almost forgotten about it until God brought it before me today. I really needed this word from Him, and I sense there are others who need it to. These are the words to a song entitled "A Rose is a Rose" written by Wayne Kirkpatrick and recorded by Susan Ashton:
You're at a stand still
You're at an impass
Your mountain of dreams
Seems harder to climb
By those who have made you
Feel like an outcast
Cause you dare to be different
So they're drawing a line
They say you're a fool
They feed you resistance
They tell you you'll never go very far
But they'll be the same ones
That stand in the distance
Alone in the shadow
Of your shining star
Chorus:
Just keep on the same road
And keep on your toes
And just keep your heart steady as she goes
And let them call you what they will
It don't matter
A rose by any name is still a rose
The kindness of strangers
It seems like a fable
But they've yet to see
What I see in you
But you can make it
If you are able
To believe in yourself
The way I do
(chorus)
Cause a deal is a deal
In the heart of a dream
And a spade is a spade
If you know what I mean
And a rose is a rose is a rose
To deal with the scoffers
Well, it's part of the bargain
They heckle from back rows
And they bark at the moon
Their flowers are fading
In time's bitter garden
But yours is only
Beginning to bloom
So keep on the same road
And keep on your toes
And just keep your heart steady as she goes
And let them call you what they will
Just remember
A rose by any name is still a rose
Being in the corporate world is so hard. Some days I feel so out of place that I want to come home and crawl under the covers. Some days I just don't think I can go back. My job, in and of itself, is great. I enjoy it. Even my co-workers are nice, and we all get along. But we are not of the same ilk. We do not value and pursue the same things. Since there are more of them than there are of me, I often feel like a kid on the playground who's not invited to play with the others. Funny how I never really experienced that as a child, but as an adult that feeling is more real that I'd like to admit. While I do not want to be a part of their world, it is still tiring to feel so out of place all the time. And sometimes it can wear pretty thin.
Many times I have wished I could quit my job and move to a monastery type place and just sit in the presence of God for a good long while. No more phone calls. No more business deals. No more malls or shoe shopping. Just me and God. Then slowly a few family/friends at a time could come in. We'd pray and just bask in the glory of God. Reflect on His word and share what He has spoken to us.
Last night He told me to read Luke 12. I wasn't sure what Luke 12 was about specifically, so I turned there. Here are a few things He wanted me to realize from that chapter:
1. Jesus also experienced a sense of overwhelming by the crowds (v 1)
2. Be more concerned with what effect God will have on you than what effect man will have on you (v 4-5)
3. Don't be afraid or discouraged. God is right there. He sees you, and you are not alone or out of His reach. (v 6-7)
4. Although it may be scary and may make you feel like an outcast, God expects us to acknowledge Him in our lives, no matter what (v 8-9)
5. Do not waste time focusing on money, power or anything else of this world - it is worthless (v 21)
6. Don't worry about anything, big or small. Again, anything and everything of this world is temporary. Make God your priority! (v 22-31)
7. Not only should you not worry about things of this world, take what you do have and give it away or use it to help someone else (v 33-34)
8. Live every minute as if Jesus is in the clouds, on His way back for the 2nd coming. (v 35-47)
9. Be careful what you wish/ask for. The more you have, the more expected of you (v48)
10. Don't expect to "fit in" with the world. Jesus came not to bring peace, but to bring division. If you are living for Him, expect to suffer from severed and strained relationships with those who do not believe (v 49-53)
Life is hard. It's not fair. And a lot of times it flat out sucks. Satan uses our alienation from the world to amplify feelings of loneliness or insecurity. He takes what may be a crack in the sidewalk and makes it appear to be an impassable chasm. We live in a realm of distortion. Life here on earth is not comfortable. It's not supposed to be. Remember, people of the world are living it up now because this is as close as they will ever get to heaven. On the flip side, it is as close to hell as we'll ever get. We live with discomfort now because it points us to our Eternal Relief. Our partying days have not yet begun.
Hang in there. God is but a whisper away. He sees all, knows all and loves all. We are not alone, and this life is not for naught. We are here for a reason. So while we might want to quit our jobs and sit in a monastery somewhere, God has a different purpose for us. Times will come when we become weary, and that's okay. Even Jesus needed to step away, revive and regroup before facing the crowds again.
Crawl into your Father's lap and get a good night's sleep. It'll make all the difference in the world.
You're at a stand still
You're at an impass
Your mountain of dreams
Seems harder to climb
By those who have made you
Feel like an outcast
Cause you dare to be different
So they're drawing a line
They say you're a fool
They feed you resistance
They tell you you'll never go very far
But they'll be the same ones
That stand in the distance
Alone in the shadow
Of your shining star
Chorus:
Just keep on the same road
And keep on your toes
And just keep your heart steady as she goes
And let them call you what they will
It don't matter
A rose by any name is still a rose
The kindness of strangers
It seems like a fable
But they've yet to see
What I see in you
But you can make it
If you are able
To believe in yourself
The way I do
(chorus)
Cause a deal is a deal
In the heart of a dream
And a spade is a spade
If you know what I mean
And a rose is a rose is a rose
To deal with the scoffers
Well, it's part of the bargain
They heckle from back rows
And they bark at the moon
Their flowers are fading
In time's bitter garden
But yours is only
Beginning to bloom
So keep on the same road
And keep on your toes
And just keep your heart steady as she goes
And let them call you what they will
Just remember
A rose by any name is still a rose
Being in the corporate world is so hard. Some days I feel so out of place that I want to come home and crawl under the covers. Some days I just don't think I can go back. My job, in and of itself, is great. I enjoy it. Even my co-workers are nice, and we all get along. But we are not of the same ilk. We do not value and pursue the same things. Since there are more of them than there are of me, I often feel like a kid on the playground who's not invited to play with the others. Funny how I never really experienced that as a child, but as an adult that feeling is more real that I'd like to admit. While I do not want to be a part of their world, it is still tiring to feel so out of place all the time. And sometimes it can wear pretty thin.
Many times I have wished I could quit my job and move to a monastery type place and just sit in the presence of God for a good long while. No more phone calls. No more business deals. No more malls or shoe shopping. Just me and God. Then slowly a few family/friends at a time could come in. We'd pray and just bask in the glory of God. Reflect on His word and share what He has spoken to us.
Last night He told me to read Luke 12. I wasn't sure what Luke 12 was about specifically, so I turned there. Here are a few things He wanted me to realize from that chapter:
1. Jesus also experienced a sense of overwhelming by the crowds (v 1)
2. Be more concerned with what effect God will have on you than what effect man will have on you (v 4-5)
3. Don't be afraid or discouraged. God is right there. He sees you, and you are not alone or out of His reach. (v 6-7)
4. Although it may be scary and may make you feel like an outcast, God expects us to acknowledge Him in our lives, no matter what (v 8-9)
5. Do not waste time focusing on money, power or anything else of this world - it is worthless (v 21)
6. Don't worry about anything, big or small. Again, anything and everything of this world is temporary. Make God your priority! (v 22-31)
7. Not only should you not worry about things of this world, take what you do have and give it away or use it to help someone else (v 33-34)
8. Live every minute as if Jesus is in the clouds, on His way back for the 2nd coming. (v 35-47)
9. Be careful what you wish/ask for. The more you have, the more expected of you (v48)
10. Don't expect to "fit in" with the world. Jesus came not to bring peace, but to bring division. If you are living for Him, expect to suffer from severed and strained relationships with those who do not believe (v 49-53)
Life is hard. It's not fair. And a lot of times it flat out sucks. Satan uses our alienation from the world to amplify feelings of loneliness or insecurity. He takes what may be a crack in the sidewalk and makes it appear to be an impassable chasm. We live in a realm of distortion. Life here on earth is not comfortable. It's not supposed to be. Remember, people of the world are living it up now because this is as close as they will ever get to heaven. On the flip side, it is as close to hell as we'll ever get. We live with discomfort now because it points us to our Eternal Relief. Our partying days have not yet begun.
Hang in there. God is but a whisper away. He sees all, knows all and loves all. We are not alone, and this life is not for naught. We are here for a reason. So while we might want to quit our jobs and sit in a monastery somewhere, God has a different purpose for us. Times will come when we become weary, and that's okay. Even Jesus needed to step away, revive and regroup before facing the crowds again.
Crawl into your Father's lap and get a good night's sleep. It'll make all the difference in the world.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Delayed Promises
I have been going to a Bible study on Thursday nights that is based on Beth Moore's study on the Patriarchs. This week, God spoke so many things to my impatient heart. I am so glad we serve a God that looks on us lovingly as we dance around with ants in our pants waiting for prayers to be answered. My heart is warmed when I realize that He has reached into my heart to calm me and gently remind me that waiting on Him will always bring rewards.
In Genesis 12, God promises Abram blessings, fame, and land. Abram goes to the land and shortly thereafter, famine comes. Gee, thanks - right? Abram books it down to Egypt to wait out the famine. We don't know if God told him to go there, or if he went of his own volition. I speculate as to whether he went there under God's direction because he was so afraid that he lied about Sarai being his wife.
Let's assume he did go of his own accord. Is running ahead of God or stepping outside His plan what caused Abram to lose trust in God to protect him? A shifting focus from God to self-preservation can cause one to lose perspective and fall prey to temptation. Was it a mere lack of trust that caused Abram to lie? Could selfishness have been a factor? Could one breathe life into the other? In the end, Abram's lie is exposed and he is sent packing. This part of the story has always baffled me a little. It appears that Abram is basically rewarded for lying. He amassed great wealth while in Egypt, many gifts from the pharaoh. Then with a stern word, he is given his wife, all his belongings and sent on his way. That's it? No lightning bolt or anything? Hmmm.
Remember the famine? I am operating under the assumption Abram high-tailed it to Egypt under no direction from God, got himself into a mess, and now in chapter 13 is heading back toward Bethel where they had camped before. Verse 4 says, "This was the place where Abram had built the altar, and there he again worshiped the Lord." He seems to be getting back on track. Now he is so wealthy that the land cannot support both him and Lot and all their possessions. So he graciously offers Lot first choice of the land. Lot looks around and picks the best, most fertile land for himself. Yet again, this wonderful blessing Abram is supposed to receive seems to be like the short end of the wishbone. But look at what follows in verse 14 of chapter 13.
"After Lot was gone, the Lord said to Abram, 'Look as far as you can see in every direction. I am going to give all this land to you and your offspring as a permanent possession."
He finally takes a step back, puts someone else first and it seems he is getting the shaft again - then God steps in and gives him everything. Abraham seems to be the man of the delayed promise. It appears that he is always going to end up with the bootleg version of a blessing or that somehow his blessing will be temporary or taken away completely. Later he is promised a son, then met with another delay. Again, he takes matters into his own hands and tries to create the blessing for himself. Finally, after the promised son is given, God tells Abraham to sacrifice him.
God used this cycle of promise-delay-sacrifice in Abraham's life to strengthen his faith. If Abraham was tempted to take matters into his own hands and "help God along" maybe that's why he had to endure the same lesson more than once. Maybe he tended to take "ownership" of things more than he should. Maybe God had to train him to a point where he truly viewed everything as belonging to God.
I frequently find myself caught up in this same cycle. I will receive a promise, then comes the delay. Sometimes it appears that someone else is getting to cash in on the promise instead of me. And sometimes God calls me to sacrifice it altogether. I am so stubborn, greedy and hard-headed. If only I would learn from Abraham's progress and return to the altar of the Lord. Lay my "possessions" at his feet and be truly willing to sacrifice it all to Him.
I know I go through times of famine and delay because I have tried to pack my own tent so full of junk that it is bulging at the seams. I cling to that tent with all my might. But how can I embrace God when my hands are holding so tightly onto other things?
I must make my way back toward Bethel where I once worshipped the Lord. And I must again worship him. I need to allow others in my life the freedom to grow, and I need to put them first and let them go. I need to stand empty-handed before my Lord and let Him fill me up in His own time. Only then will I be ready to receive and humble enough to be used.
In Genesis 12, God promises Abram blessings, fame, and land. Abram goes to the land and shortly thereafter, famine comes. Gee, thanks - right? Abram books it down to Egypt to wait out the famine. We don't know if God told him to go there, or if he went of his own volition. I speculate as to whether he went there under God's direction because he was so afraid that he lied about Sarai being his wife.
Let's assume he did go of his own accord. Is running ahead of God or stepping outside His plan what caused Abram to lose trust in God to protect him? A shifting focus from God to self-preservation can cause one to lose perspective and fall prey to temptation. Was it a mere lack of trust that caused Abram to lie? Could selfishness have been a factor? Could one breathe life into the other? In the end, Abram's lie is exposed and he is sent packing. This part of the story has always baffled me a little. It appears that Abram is basically rewarded for lying. He amassed great wealth while in Egypt, many gifts from the pharaoh. Then with a stern word, he is given his wife, all his belongings and sent on his way. That's it? No lightning bolt or anything? Hmmm.
Remember the famine? I am operating under the assumption Abram high-tailed it to Egypt under no direction from God, got himself into a mess, and now in chapter 13 is heading back toward Bethel where they had camped before. Verse 4 says, "This was the place where Abram had built the altar, and there he again worshiped the Lord." He seems to be getting back on track. Now he is so wealthy that the land cannot support both him and Lot and all their possessions. So he graciously offers Lot first choice of the land. Lot looks around and picks the best, most fertile land for himself. Yet again, this wonderful blessing Abram is supposed to receive seems to be like the short end of the wishbone. But look at what follows in verse 14 of chapter 13.
"After Lot was gone, the Lord said to Abram, 'Look as far as you can see in every direction. I am going to give all this land to you and your offspring as a permanent possession."
He finally takes a step back, puts someone else first and it seems he is getting the shaft again - then God steps in and gives him everything. Abraham seems to be the man of the delayed promise. It appears that he is always going to end up with the bootleg version of a blessing or that somehow his blessing will be temporary or taken away completely. Later he is promised a son, then met with another delay. Again, he takes matters into his own hands and tries to create the blessing for himself. Finally, after the promised son is given, God tells Abraham to sacrifice him.
God used this cycle of promise-delay-sacrifice in Abraham's life to strengthen his faith. If Abraham was tempted to take matters into his own hands and "help God along" maybe that's why he had to endure the same lesson more than once. Maybe he tended to take "ownership" of things more than he should. Maybe God had to train him to a point where he truly viewed everything as belonging to God.
I frequently find myself caught up in this same cycle. I will receive a promise, then comes the delay. Sometimes it appears that someone else is getting to cash in on the promise instead of me. And sometimes God calls me to sacrifice it altogether. I am so stubborn, greedy and hard-headed. If only I would learn from Abraham's progress and return to the altar of the Lord. Lay my "possessions" at his feet and be truly willing to sacrifice it all to Him.
I know I go through times of famine and delay because I have tried to pack my own tent so full of junk that it is bulging at the seams. I cling to that tent with all my might. But how can I embrace God when my hands are holding so tightly onto other things?
I must make my way back toward Bethel where I once worshipped the Lord. And I must again worship him. I need to allow others in my life the freedom to grow, and I need to put them first and let them go. I need to stand empty-handed before my Lord and let Him fill me up in His own time. Only then will I be ready to receive and humble enough to be used.
Internet Predators
In case you haven't heard, Dateline NBC has a new program out called "To Catch a Predator" which is about catching adults who attempt to solicit underage children on-line for sex. I don't know why I watch it because it makes me so upset, but if I happen to turn on the TV and it's on, I always end up watching it. Their latest episode was on one night this week, and I was appalled at the new twist that seemed to arise. Every episode usually has at least one incident that will cause your jaw to drop, but this one caused my heart to break.
Each episode they broadcast from a different city. They've been in New York, California, Florida, and this week they were in Ohio. They wanted to see if men who lived in rural areas, quiet towns, miles from any big cities would be as predatory as in the larger cities of previous episodes. Unfortunately, perversion and hormones run just as strong whether you are in the city or out in the sticks. Some of these guys would drive hours to get to the undercover house. But the new twist that was introduced here was religion. Over and over again, these men would come in and talk about God, church, religion. Some wore crosses around their necks. One was from a Christian school. Keep in mind these men were there with the notion they would be having sex with a 14 year old girl. They had copies of their on-line chats that were so graphic they couldn't read them on TV. But when they were busted, they tried playing the "religion" card.
At first I was speechless. I still can't decide what to think. I know that Christian men struggle with lust and all the things of the flesh. I know they are human. That doesn't make it right for them to seek out sex with children, but I am saying that I know they aren't immune to temptation. What breaks my heart is the damage these men did to the Kingdom of God by going on national TV and trying to use God as a 'get out of jail free' card. For a moment, I thought, "Well - maybe it will help the world to see that Christians aren't perfect and they also struggle." But that feeling was soon overridden by dismay.
These days it is often difficult, if not impossible to see the difference between Christians and non-Christians. Yes, Christians struggle. But many times it seems we aren't even fighting temptation any more. We find ourselves in the pig slop, wallowing around right along side the world. No wonder so many people are turned off to Christianity. Why would they want to dedicate themselves to a life that so often is fraught with hypocrisy? We are supposed to look different from everyone else. We are supposed to live differently than the world. Yet so often, we show up one after the other - seeking the very things that eat our souls alive, the things God hates.
I guess this is such a pet peeve for me because I see it so much in my own life. Don't worry, I don't surf the net looking for children to have sex with - but I often see myself blending in with my co-workers. Is my speech different from theirs? Do I laugh at the same jokes they do? When they get in my car to go to lunch, what will they hear playing in my CD player? Does my life look like one that belongs to God? Do they see me serving them and others as I should? Do I join in on the gossip circuit? Does my anger boil over into tyrannical ranting? Do I seek to get ahead regardless of who I may be stepping on? Are all my business deals above board and fair? Do I play by the rules? Can they trust me? Do I think more highly of myself than I ought? The list could go on and on.
I don't want to have to get busted on national TV or in the boardroom before I decide to play the "God" card. I want everyone to look at me like I am crazy and make fun of me at cocktail parties because I am the only one not drinking and cussing. I want them to excuse themselves when they tell off color jokes or use filthy language around me. I want them to know they can come to me with the darkest secret of their lives, and KNOW it will be safe with me. I want them to feel appreciated, loved, encouraged, protected and respected by me. I want them to look at my business portfolio and know that every account in it is one that was developed with honesty and integrity. I want them to see me treat my most vile clients with the utmost respect. I want them to see that I am joyfully different and filled with inexplicable peace no matter the circumstance. God has called us to live this life.
We all struggle. I know I sure do. While my sin may not be quite as public as Dateline NBC, I am reminded by that show that my actions do speak volumes to those around me. What kind of influence am I having for the Kingdom? Are my struggles overwhelming me to the point I look no different than the world? If so, I say we must take radical steps to move back toward God. We are SUPPOSED to look different than the world.
"Loving God means keeping his commandments, and really, that isn't difficult. For every child of God defeats this evil world by trusting Christ to give the victory. And the ones who win this battle against the world are the ones who believe that Jesus is the Son of God.
We know that those who have become part of God's family do not make a practice of sinning, for God's Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot get his hands on them. We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the power and control of the evil one. And we know that the Son of God has come, and he has given us understanding so that we can know the true God. And now we are in God because we are in his Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and he is eternal life. Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God's place in your hearts."
I John 5:3-5;18-21
Sometimes I look at myself and the world around me and wonder if I will ever live up. Will I ever be the dynamic person God has called me to be? Will the desire in my heart ever become stronger than the fear in my mind? Funny how I often long for perfection, yet God always works so powerfully through weakness. Oh, that my weaknesses would be perfection in His hands.
Each episode they broadcast from a different city. They've been in New York, California, Florida, and this week they were in Ohio. They wanted to see if men who lived in rural areas, quiet towns, miles from any big cities would be as predatory as in the larger cities of previous episodes. Unfortunately, perversion and hormones run just as strong whether you are in the city or out in the sticks. Some of these guys would drive hours to get to the undercover house. But the new twist that was introduced here was religion. Over and over again, these men would come in and talk about God, church, religion. Some wore crosses around their necks. One was from a Christian school. Keep in mind these men were there with the notion they would be having sex with a 14 year old girl. They had copies of their on-line chats that were so graphic they couldn't read them on TV. But when they were busted, they tried playing the "religion" card.
At first I was speechless. I still can't decide what to think. I know that Christian men struggle with lust and all the things of the flesh. I know they are human. That doesn't make it right for them to seek out sex with children, but I am saying that I know they aren't immune to temptation. What breaks my heart is the damage these men did to the Kingdom of God by going on national TV and trying to use God as a 'get out of jail free' card. For a moment, I thought, "Well - maybe it will help the world to see that Christians aren't perfect and they also struggle." But that feeling was soon overridden by dismay.
These days it is often difficult, if not impossible to see the difference between Christians and non-Christians. Yes, Christians struggle. But many times it seems we aren't even fighting temptation any more. We find ourselves in the pig slop, wallowing around right along side the world. No wonder so many people are turned off to Christianity. Why would they want to dedicate themselves to a life that so often is fraught with hypocrisy? We are supposed to look different from everyone else. We are supposed to live differently than the world. Yet so often, we show up one after the other - seeking the very things that eat our souls alive, the things God hates.
I guess this is such a pet peeve for me because I see it so much in my own life. Don't worry, I don't surf the net looking for children to have sex with - but I often see myself blending in with my co-workers. Is my speech different from theirs? Do I laugh at the same jokes they do? When they get in my car to go to lunch, what will they hear playing in my CD player? Does my life look like one that belongs to God? Do they see me serving them and others as I should? Do I join in on the gossip circuit? Does my anger boil over into tyrannical ranting? Do I seek to get ahead regardless of who I may be stepping on? Are all my business deals above board and fair? Do I play by the rules? Can they trust me? Do I think more highly of myself than I ought? The list could go on and on.
I don't want to have to get busted on national TV or in the boardroom before I decide to play the "God" card. I want everyone to look at me like I am crazy and make fun of me at cocktail parties because I am the only one not drinking and cussing. I want them to excuse themselves when they tell off color jokes or use filthy language around me. I want them to know they can come to me with the darkest secret of their lives, and KNOW it will be safe with me. I want them to feel appreciated, loved, encouraged, protected and respected by me. I want them to look at my business portfolio and know that every account in it is one that was developed with honesty and integrity. I want them to see me treat my most vile clients with the utmost respect. I want them to see that I am joyfully different and filled with inexplicable peace no matter the circumstance. God has called us to live this life.
We all struggle. I know I sure do. While my sin may not be quite as public as Dateline NBC, I am reminded by that show that my actions do speak volumes to those around me. What kind of influence am I having for the Kingdom? Are my struggles overwhelming me to the point I look no different than the world? If so, I say we must take radical steps to move back toward God. We are SUPPOSED to look different than the world.
"Loving God means keeping his commandments, and really, that isn't difficult. For every child of God defeats this evil world by trusting Christ to give the victory. And the ones who win this battle against the world are the ones who believe that Jesus is the Son of God.
We know that those who have become part of God's family do not make a practice of sinning, for God's Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot get his hands on them. We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the power and control of the evil one. And we know that the Son of God has come, and he has given us understanding so that we can know the true God. And now we are in God because we are in his Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and he is eternal life. Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God's place in your hearts."
I John 5:3-5;18-21
Sometimes I look at myself and the world around me and wonder if I will ever live up. Will I ever be the dynamic person God has called me to be? Will the desire in my heart ever become stronger than the fear in my mind? Funny how I often long for perfection, yet God always works so powerfully through weakness. Oh, that my weaknesses would be perfection in His hands.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Home again, at last!
Well, I am back from another jaunt to Atlanta. Only one more this month and I will be done with Atlanta for June. I feel like I have been living out of a suitcase lately! Sadly enough, in a couple of weeks I'll go back to Atl, come home for a day or two, then I'm off to Memphis. Not that I'm complaining! I feel very fortunate to be able to travel the way I do. In fact, I'm afraid it has begun to spoil me a little...nice hotels, great food (all on someone else's dime!).
Anyway, I must relay to you my latest from the ATL. I only boast of my progress because I was so timid about Atlanta merely months ago. I used to enter the fair city with white knuckles and trembling knees. While I am still cautious, I am falling into step slowly but surely. This week, I was able to navigate my way around to several places without directions, maps or anything. And I'm a-learnin' the lingo. I took my boss with me this time, and when I started telling him we needed to find the "king and queen" and that this particular place was ITP, he looked at me like I had two heads. I had to laugh.
Anyway, while I am slowly being wooed by the city of Atlanta, I did have a couple of hilarious near-death experiences this week. They are hilarious to me because I have such a warped sense of humor. I can see humor in almost anything if I look hard enough. And, like my mother, when I see something off the wall that makes me laugh - well, the more I laugh, the funnier it becomes. Then the mere fact that I am the only one laughing makes me laugh even harder. Sorry, getting side-tracked.
Back to the brushes with death. I was almost bitten on the head by a gigantic Rottweiller in the parking lot of a Home Depot. Luckily, the car window he tried to jump through wasn't open another inch or so. He could only get his head and upper torso out the window. As I was wedged between our cars, he lunged for me with his lips curled revealing razor-sharp teeth that glistened in the sun. Each rabid snarling bark produced foamy saliva that dripped from his chin. I, of course, was unaware of his presence until I heard this deafening bark and felt the hot breath on my neck.
Second, the hotel I normally stay at was completely booked. So I had no option but to seek shelter elsewhere. I found a nice little hotel on-line, a brand I was familiar with. The room was even $40 cheaper per night. That should have been my first clue (never again will I book a room that rents for less than $100 a night). As we pulled into the parking lot, I began to laugh hysterically. What the internet portrayed as a modern, updated, nice hotel was in reality owned and operated by the Bates family. My boss' groans from the driver's seat only made the moment that much funnier. I told him it couldn't be all bad. After all, there was a Farrari in the parking lot. Turns out that belonged to a "mobile pharmacist" if you catch my meaning. When we got up to our rooms, my boss had to use his shoulder to force his door open. The sheets were pepto pink. And there was a lovely blend of sirens in the background.
Best of all was the traffic. We were almost squished by an 18-wheeler that changed lanes on top of us. And we janked up the transmission somehow, and ended up driving all the way home with the engine light on. I, of course, was laughing so hard that I had tears streaming down my face. I think exhaustion had begun to set in.
So all in all, it was an interesting trip to say the least. I loved every minute of it. And best of all, I got to have lunch at the Rexall Drug Store in Duluth. That place is almost worth the drive just by itself! If you've never been, you've got to put it on your list of things to do. Let me know, and I'll take you if you want. It is like stepping into Mayberry. It's the weirdest thing. Everyone in there knows each other. And they must have a fleet of granny's back there in the kitchen because that food is slap yo' mama good! It's something everyone must experience for himself.
Enough of my travels for now. Must get sleep...
Anyway, I must relay to you my latest from the ATL. I only boast of my progress because I was so timid about Atlanta merely months ago. I used to enter the fair city with white knuckles and trembling knees. While I am still cautious, I am falling into step slowly but surely. This week, I was able to navigate my way around to several places without directions, maps or anything. And I'm a-learnin' the lingo. I took my boss with me this time, and when I started telling him we needed to find the "king and queen" and that this particular place was ITP, he looked at me like I had two heads. I had to laugh.
Anyway, while I am slowly being wooed by the city of Atlanta, I did have a couple of hilarious near-death experiences this week. They are hilarious to me because I have such a warped sense of humor. I can see humor in almost anything if I look hard enough. And, like my mother, when I see something off the wall that makes me laugh - well, the more I laugh, the funnier it becomes. Then the mere fact that I am the only one laughing makes me laugh even harder. Sorry, getting side-tracked.
Back to the brushes with death. I was almost bitten on the head by a gigantic Rottweiller in the parking lot of a Home Depot. Luckily, the car window he tried to jump through wasn't open another inch or so. He could only get his head and upper torso out the window. As I was wedged between our cars, he lunged for me with his lips curled revealing razor-sharp teeth that glistened in the sun. Each rabid snarling bark produced foamy saliva that dripped from his chin. I, of course, was unaware of his presence until I heard this deafening bark and felt the hot breath on my neck.
Second, the hotel I normally stay at was completely booked. So I had no option but to seek shelter elsewhere. I found a nice little hotel on-line, a brand I was familiar with. The room was even $40 cheaper per night. That should have been my first clue (never again will I book a room that rents for less than $100 a night). As we pulled into the parking lot, I began to laugh hysterically. What the internet portrayed as a modern, updated, nice hotel was in reality owned and operated by the Bates family. My boss' groans from the driver's seat only made the moment that much funnier. I told him it couldn't be all bad. After all, there was a Farrari in the parking lot. Turns out that belonged to a "mobile pharmacist" if you catch my meaning. When we got up to our rooms, my boss had to use his shoulder to force his door open. The sheets were pepto pink. And there was a lovely blend of sirens in the background.
Best of all was the traffic. We were almost squished by an 18-wheeler that changed lanes on top of us. And we janked up the transmission somehow, and ended up driving all the way home with the engine light on. I, of course, was laughing so hard that I had tears streaming down my face. I think exhaustion had begun to set in.
So all in all, it was an interesting trip to say the least. I loved every minute of it. And best of all, I got to have lunch at the Rexall Drug Store in Duluth. That place is almost worth the drive just by itself! If you've never been, you've got to put it on your list of things to do. Let me know, and I'll take you if you want. It is like stepping into Mayberry. It's the weirdest thing. Everyone in there knows each other. And they must have a fleet of granny's back there in the kitchen because that food is slap yo' mama good! It's something everyone must experience for himself.
Enough of my travels for now. Must get sleep...
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Photos
The photo shoot of the 3 year old twins went well on Saturday - right up until the end. Luckily we were almost done when Alex decided to dive head first into the fountain in front of Shakespeare. It was priceless. And, yes I got a picture of it! (Go to my other blog to check it out)
I just love kids. They have such a wonderful spirit of adventure. The twins I took pictures of on Saturday are 3 years old as I said. One is a boy and one is a girl. It's so funny to watch the differences in siblings. When Alyssa was told to stand and pose, she would remain as still as her 3 year old little body could stand. Eventually she would begin to dance in place and twirl her dress around. But Alex, on the other hand... We would try to get him to pose for a shot, and we'd look up and he would be off in a flower bed or behind some bushes or running up a hill or diving into the fountain. It was a blast! Not only are siblings different, but boys and girls are so different as well.
I think the parents get more uptight on these photo shoots than I do. I guess they think I am secretly fuming and thinking their kids are the worst on the planet. Actually it's quite the opposite. Kids are kids. They run, play and explore. If they didn't my pictures would be boring! So I love every minute of it. Besides I have a super long zoom lens, so let 'em run - I can still photograph them from a long ways off!
Anyway - today was my first day back at work after being in Atlanta last week. Things were CRAZY as usual. I was reminded of those sweet little twins. I know I need to get some work done eventually, but I also need to take time to dance in place, twirl my dress, hide behind a cubicle and jump in the proverbial fountain from time to time. We adults are far too serious most of the time!!
I just love kids. They have such a wonderful spirit of adventure. The twins I took pictures of on Saturday are 3 years old as I said. One is a boy and one is a girl. It's so funny to watch the differences in siblings. When Alyssa was told to stand and pose, she would remain as still as her 3 year old little body could stand. Eventually she would begin to dance in place and twirl her dress around. But Alex, on the other hand... We would try to get him to pose for a shot, and we'd look up and he would be off in a flower bed or behind some bushes or running up a hill or diving into the fountain. It was a blast! Not only are siblings different, but boys and girls are so different as well.
I think the parents get more uptight on these photo shoots than I do. I guess they think I am secretly fuming and thinking their kids are the worst on the planet. Actually it's quite the opposite. Kids are kids. They run, play and explore. If they didn't my pictures would be boring! So I love every minute of it. Besides I have a super long zoom lens, so let 'em run - I can still photograph them from a long ways off!
Anyway - today was my first day back at work after being in Atlanta last week. Things were CRAZY as usual. I was reminded of those sweet little twins. I know I need to get some work done eventually, but I also need to take time to dance in place, twirl my dress, hide behind a cubicle and jump in the proverbial fountain from time to time. We adults are far too serious most of the time!!
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Falling for ATL
Well, I successfully made it back from Atlanta this week. Had to go there on business. After several trips now, I feel like I am starting to get used to the traffic. I must be getting comfy because I actually started to dose off on I-285. And I engaged an 18-wheeler in lane wars at one point. Hey, I can't help it he couldn't read the signs that excluded him from entering the 2 left lanes. But I made sure he knew about it! (And, yes, I made it out alive).
I have to say, I love a city where driving 25 miles over the speed limit is the norm. Only problem is when I get back to MGM, I have to "detox" and slow it down a bit. I have gotten very proficient in bobbing and weaving in and out of traffic though. In fact, some of my co-workers are a little afraid to ride with me now! Just wait until I take them to the ATL! I can change lanes with only inches to spare. I'm so proud.
I found out this week that I will now be going to ATL at least once a month, possibly twice. What's more - a friend of mine just told me I could use his condo when I am in town. Well- he's moving to MGM and it is for sale - so I can use it until it sells. Even so, it's ITP and only a mile from the mall. What more could a girl ask for!!
I gotta tell ya - ATL used to wig me out because it's so big. But it is growing on me. I mean, hey - if I can sleep in 8 lane traffic doing 80 mph - I must be morphing into a native! All I need now is a Bluetooth, a Blackberry, a laptop, and some Prada and I should be set!
In other news tonight, I was in downtown MGM earlier this evening at Jubilee City Fest. I was commissioned to take some nighttime photos for a magazine cover. Anyway - I have to say that our fair city is not the most attractive of places when littered with road blocks, orange traffic cones, and drunks. Needless to say, I only got 1 or 2 decent shots. I guess I am going to have to go back down there some time this weekend and try again. I have a photo shoot with 3 year old twins tomorrow afternoon. Maybe I can venture out again after that.
By the way, for those of you who know about my sod-laying incident - it seems to be doing alright. However - my dad informed me today that I needed to move some of it. I am in complete and total despair! Luckily I still don't have my voice completely back yet, so I couldn't scream when he told me.
Oh well, sorry for the randomness of this one. I've been out of pocket for a week or so. And it is 1:03 AM after all. I really can't be held responsible for my actions...
I have to say, I love a city where driving 25 miles over the speed limit is the norm. Only problem is when I get back to MGM, I have to "detox" and slow it down a bit. I have gotten very proficient in bobbing and weaving in and out of traffic though. In fact, some of my co-workers are a little afraid to ride with me now! Just wait until I take them to the ATL! I can change lanes with only inches to spare. I'm so proud.
I found out this week that I will now be going to ATL at least once a month, possibly twice. What's more - a friend of mine just told me I could use his condo when I am in town. Well- he's moving to MGM and it is for sale - so I can use it until it sells. Even so, it's ITP and only a mile from the mall. What more could a girl ask for!!
I gotta tell ya - ATL used to wig me out because it's so big. But it is growing on me. I mean, hey - if I can sleep in 8 lane traffic doing 80 mph - I must be morphing into a native! All I need now is a Bluetooth, a Blackberry, a laptop, and some Prada and I should be set!
In other news tonight, I was in downtown MGM earlier this evening at Jubilee City Fest. I was commissioned to take some nighttime photos for a magazine cover. Anyway - I have to say that our fair city is not the most attractive of places when littered with road blocks, orange traffic cones, and drunks. Needless to say, I only got 1 or 2 decent shots. I guess I am going to have to go back down there some time this weekend and try again. I have a photo shoot with 3 year old twins tomorrow afternoon. Maybe I can venture out again after that.
By the way, for those of you who know about my sod-laying incident - it seems to be doing alright. However - my dad informed me today that I needed to move some of it. I am in complete and total despair! Luckily I still don't have my voice completely back yet, so I couldn't scream when he told me.
Oh well, sorry for the randomness of this one. I've been out of pocket for a week or so. And it is 1:03 AM after all. I really can't be held responsible for my actions...
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Adullam House
Yesterday I went with a group of people to help out at a children's home named the Adullam House. The children there all have mothers in prison. Their fathers are MIA as well. The entire experience was fraught with mixed emotion for me. As we drove up, there were children running and playing on the front lawn. At first glance, it seemed like any other normal home.
We went there to play with the children or do whatever else was needed in order to give the staff a short break for a few hours. Upon our arrival, we learned that there are many volunteers. Some groups come from other cities and may stay for a couple of weeks at a time. They also help with the children as well as doing construction work around the property. They are in the process of building additional housing and a chapel.
The day we went, the place was a flurry of activity. Children and adults were everywhere. Inside. Outside. Cooking, cleaning, playing, working. It was almost too much for me. I am still trying to take it all in. They have children ranging in age from 4 weeks to 15 years. In speaking with the director, I learned that she had just received a phone call from the prison telling her that another mother had gone into labor. So they were expecting another new born.
The scene we saw when first arriving, one of children running and laughing soon became one of sadness for me. I took up with a 3 month old little boy named Jacoby. In fact, I carried him around almost the entire time I was there. I got to rock him, feed him, be thrown up on by him, change him and put him down for a nap. As I sat gazing at this beautiful baby, I couldn't help but think of his mother. I wondered what she was doing at that moment as I rocked her little boy. Was she sitting in her cell thinking of him? I wondered if he looked like her. I wondered if she wanted him. How long would it be before they could be reunited? I wondered what it must feel like to be a mother and know that someone else was holding your child. I think it must be one of the most torturous things to endure.
At one point I took Jacoby onto the front porch. As I sat there in a rocking chair, we watched the older children run and play. Another little boy came and crawled into my lap. Another volunteer sat opposite me in another rocking chair with another small baby. I began to watch the children and the volunteers. As I watched, one thing I noticed were the grandfathers. We had 4 that went with us that day. My heart melted as I observed these men serving these children. Bud and Melvin manned the grill, cooking lunch for all these people. Mark ran around tossing the football with several of the boys. Dick sat under a tree talking to a teenager. Another guy that went with us was sitting in the grass with probably 10 children around him as he talked to and played with them. Others were blowing bubbles and throwing frisbees.
There is something about seeing a man play with a child that really gets me. I guess I'm not that moved when I see women interact with children because it is in our nature. I see women caring for children all the time. But to see these men, especially these grandfathers taking time to come and help these children - for some reason, there just are no words. There is something different, something special about a man's influence over children. Look at all the statistics regarding a father's presence in the home. I am so grateful for the example of those grandfathers. I hope to someday marry a man that has that kind of servant's heart. I hope God will continue to supply men such as these to those young children. I know their lives will be forever changed by it.
As we drove home that day, barely two words were spoken in the van. I don't know if everyone was tired or what. As for me, my mind was simply overwhelmed. I had many emotions swirling around inside. Partially I felt extremely guilty because I was relieved to be free of the madness of activity. I LOVE to be around people, but I can only take chaos in small doses. I can't imagine living in that environment full time. I am so glad that God has gifted people to be able to do that. While we were able to leave, those children weren't. I felt very torn in that moment, and still do to a degree. Part of me doesn't want to go back. I don't want to face that again. It hurt me too much. On the other hand, I feel like I could never do enough. I know we are each gifted and called to minister in different ways. While I know that living in a children's home may not be my gift or calling - my heart breaks for those children. Knowing there is so much to be done, so much love needed - I feel guilty that I am unable to do more. Letting go and perfectionism are some of the things I need to work on (but that's another blog altogether!). It ripped me up inside to experience this, but it also helped me to get outside of my own world and expanded by boundaries a little.
I saw God working in so many ways today. It's so true that we are all parts of the body of Christ - each serving in his own way. Whether it was serving quietly behind the scenes, running like mad in the middle of a pack of kids, being barfed on, blowing bubbles or speaking a kind word, each hand was a blessing. I know this work will be life-changing for these children, but it will be life-changing for us as well.
Please keep these children, the full-time workers, the volunteers and the finances in your prayers. This place is run entirely on donations and faith. Many times building projects have to be held up until enough money comes in to start work again. I am amazed and humbled by this ministry. I praise God for the Adullam House, and that these children are safe, fed, dry, warm and loved tonight.
"So David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. Soon his brothers and other relatives joined him there. Then others began coming - men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented..."
-I Sam 22:1-2a
We went there to play with the children or do whatever else was needed in order to give the staff a short break for a few hours. Upon our arrival, we learned that there are many volunteers. Some groups come from other cities and may stay for a couple of weeks at a time. They also help with the children as well as doing construction work around the property. They are in the process of building additional housing and a chapel.
The day we went, the place was a flurry of activity. Children and adults were everywhere. Inside. Outside. Cooking, cleaning, playing, working. It was almost too much for me. I am still trying to take it all in. They have children ranging in age from 4 weeks to 15 years. In speaking with the director, I learned that she had just received a phone call from the prison telling her that another mother had gone into labor. So they were expecting another new born.
The scene we saw when first arriving, one of children running and laughing soon became one of sadness for me. I took up with a 3 month old little boy named Jacoby. In fact, I carried him around almost the entire time I was there. I got to rock him, feed him, be thrown up on by him, change him and put him down for a nap. As I sat gazing at this beautiful baby, I couldn't help but think of his mother. I wondered what she was doing at that moment as I rocked her little boy. Was she sitting in her cell thinking of him? I wondered if he looked like her. I wondered if she wanted him. How long would it be before they could be reunited? I wondered what it must feel like to be a mother and know that someone else was holding your child. I think it must be one of the most torturous things to endure.
At one point I took Jacoby onto the front porch. As I sat there in a rocking chair, we watched the older children run and play. Another little boy came and crawled into my lap. Another volunteer sat opposite me in another rocking chair with another small baby. I began to watch the children and the volunteers. As I watched, one thing I noticed were the grandfathers. We had 4 that went with us that day. My heart melted as I observed these men serving these children. Bud and Melvin manned the grill, cooking lunch for all these people. Mark ran around tossing the football with several of the boys. Dick sat under a tree talking to a teenager. Another guy that went with us was sitting in the grass with probably 10 children around him as he talked to and played with them. Others were blowing bubbles and throwing frisbees.
There is something about seeing a man play with a child that really gets me. I guess I'm not that moved when I see women interact with children because it is in our nature. I see women caring for children all the time. But to see these men, especially these grandfathers taking time to come and help these children - for some reason, there just are no words. There is something different, something special about a man's influence over children. Look at all the statistics regarding a father's presence in the home. I am so grateful for the example of those grandfathers. I hope to someday marry a man that has that kind of servant's heart. I hope God will continue to supply men such as these to those young children. I know their lives will be forever changed by it.
As we drove home that day, barely two words were spoken in the van. I don't know if everyone was tired or what. As for me, my mind was simply overwhelmed. I had many emotions swirling around inside. Partially I felt extremely guilty because I was relieved to be free of the madness of activity. I LOVE to be around people, but I can only take chaos in small doses. I can't imagine living in that environment full time. I am so glad that God has gifted people to be able to do that. While we were able to leave, those children weren't. I felt very torn in that moment, and still do to a degree. Part of me doesn't want to go back. I don't want to face that again. It hurt me too much. On the other hand, I feel like I could never do enough. I know we are each gifted and called to minister in different ways. While I know that living in a children's home may not be my gift or calling - my heart breaks for those children. Knowing there is so much to be done, so much love needed - I feel guilty that I am unable to do more. Letting go and perfectionism are some of the things I need to work on (but that's another blog altogether!). It ripped me up inside to experience this, but it also helped me to get outside of my own world and expanded by boundaries a little.
I saw God working in so many ways today. It's so true that we are all parts of the body of Christ - each serving in his own way. Whether it was serving quietly behind the scenes, running like mad in the middle of a pack of kids, being barfed on, blowing bubbles or speaking a kind word, each hand was a blessing. I know this work will be life-changing for these children, but it will be life-changing for us as well.
Please keep these children, the full-time workers, the volunteers and the finances in your prayers. This place is run entirely on donations and faith. Many times building projects have to be held up until enough money comes in to start work again. I am amazed and humbled by this ministry. I praise God for the Adullam House, and that these children are safe, fed, dry, warm and loved tonight.
"So David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. Soon his brothers and other relatives joined him there. Then others began coming - men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented..."
-I Sam 22:1-2a
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Time, Time, there is no Time...
It is with blurred vision and with exhausted fingers I type this blog. I am so tired that I almost have no energy left to breathe. Why do we allow ourselves to get to this point? Often when Satan can't distract us with the things of the world, he will distract us with the things of the church. Lately I have become so overextended in my "spiritual" commitments that none of them seem spiritual any more.
I sat down the other night and ran through the weekly list of things I do. Then I added in the other ministries I am involved with that don't necessarily require a weekly commitment. Then I stopped to think about time at work and time needed to spend running my household. I'd love to have a few hours of relaxation every week (I mean, God did it - why can't I?). All in all, by the end of the day I am exhausted. While I pray to God throughout the day, there seems to be little time left to just sit at His feet.
I feel a very specific call on my life developing. In that, I am convicted that I need to make time to be home alone - on my knees, in the Word - seeking God's face. I just long to be with Him. I long to know Him more deeply. Serving Him is good. But I also need communion with Him. Therefore, I have decided to weed out some of the commitments I have made. I am scaling down, cutting back, stepping away - so to speak. It's odd how church folks associate your visible activity with the state of your relationship with God. If they don't see you doing a million things, you must be "falling away." Right now I am finding myself fighting the guilt brought on by that mentality.
I, myself, have felt that activity was a "spiritual" indicator. So cutting back feels weird to me. While I believe our actions and ministries are an overflow of our relationship with God, I also believe we can become so caught up in activity that we miss how empty our relationship may really be. Sitting quietly before God can be scary sometimes. If we are quiet long enough, He might actually speak to us. What if He tells us to so something we don't want to? Or what if He convicts us of some sin we love? Heaven forbid.
Sometimes we enter into "Esther" times in our lives where preparation is crucial to the next phase of life (Esther 2:12-14). If we don't slow down to be molded, cleansed and transformed - we could miss out on a tremendous blessing. And our failure to accept preparation could prevent us from being in the right place at the right time in order to help someone else down the road.
So - all of you who are weary, I hereby grant you permission to say "No" and to sit down, take a deep breath, and NOT FEEL GUILTY!!
I sat down the other night and ran through the weekly list of things I do. Then I added in the other ministries I am involved with that don't necessarily require a weekly commitment. Then I stopped to think about time at work and time needed to spend running my household. I'd love to have a few hours of relaxation every week (I mean, God did it - why can't I?). All in all, by the end of the day I am exhausted. While I pray to God throughout the day, there seems to be little time left to just sit at His feet.
I feel a very specific call on my life developing. In that, I am convicted that I need to make time to be home alone - on my knees, in the Word - seeking God's face. I just long to be with Him. I long to know Him more deeply. Serving Him is good. But I also need communion with Him. Therefore, I have decided to weed out some of the commitments I have made. I am scaling down, cutting back, stepping away - so to speak. It's odd how church folks associate your visible activity with the state of your relationship with God. If they don't see you doing a million things, you must be "falling away." Right now I am finding myself fighting the guilt brought on by that mentality.
I, myself, have felt that activity was a "spiritual" indicator. So cutting back feels weird to me. While I believe our actions and ministries are an overflow of our relationship with God, I also believe we can become so caught up in activity that we miss how empty our relationship may really be. Sitting quietly before God can be scary sometimes. If we are quiet long enough, He might actually speak to us. What if He tells us to so something we don't want to? Or what if He convicts us of some sin we love? Heaven forbid.
Sometimes we enter into "Esther" times in our lives where preparation is crucial to the next phase of life (Esther 2:12-14). If we don't slow down to be molded, cleansed and transformed - we could miss out on a tremendous blessing. And our failure to accept preparation could prevent us from being in the right place at the right time in order to help someone else down the road.
So - all of you who are weary, I hereby grant you permission to say "No" and to sit down, take a deep breath, and NOT FEEL GUILTY!!
Saturday, May 13, 2006
"Hear God"
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
-Psalm 139:23-24
David's prayer in Psalm 139 has always marveled me just a little. I feel like I have so many faults and flaws to work on that I don't want to know about any more. I am also admittedly afraid to ask God to test me. Asking to be tested or praying for patience only invites trials and tribulations in my opinion. Even so, I find myself praying this prayer from time to time. Each time I do, God is faithful to answer. Each time He answers, I grow a little more.
.
Recently I prayed this prayer. Lo and behold, a few days later, here it came. One morning I was talking to God as I got ready for work. The more we talked, the more He began to reveal. He showed me a couple of things, then came the subject of control. Apparently I like it too much (I specifically avoid praying for patience because I do not want to suffer the uncontrollable lessons that will follow...). As we explored this subject of control, a few examples flashed through my mind. Apparently those weren't vivid enough, so God decided to act in "real time."
.
That morning, God broke the subject of control down to even the most basic of things. I dropped almost everything I picked up. I had one of the worst hair days ever. I was late leaving for work. I got behind every slow person on the road (don't get me started). It seemed endless. All the while I'm thinking, "I did NOT pray for patience. Why is this happening?" So I am in my car, mad as a hornet, looking like Yahoo Serious, and then it happened.
.
I pulled up behind a car with the license plate that read, "HEARGOD." I had to laugh. God was trying to get through to me. I was so distracted by the "lesson," I couldn't hear the message.
.
While I make it a practice NOT to pray for patience, patience and control go hand in hand. I like for things to be neat and orderly - according to my definition of order. That leaves very little room for mistakes by others or myself. It also squelches everyone's opportunity to hear God's voice and grow. Most importantly, it limits God in my mind, heart and life.
.
The Bible tells us to be patient with everyone, and to bear with each other (1 Th 5:14, Eph 4:2, I Cor 13:4, Rom 12:12). Beyond that, the Bible is filled with examples of people waiting on God - sometimes refusing to act until they received word from Him. I believe God keeps us in a holding pattern sometimes because He is trying to refine our skill of patient waiting. He cannot use us effectively if we are constantly trying to strain ahead of Him.
.
God gave me a valuable lesson that fateful morning. Rather than avoiding patience, I should pursue it. At first glance, we often think of patience as a horizontal virtue, one we need to develop in order to more effectively deal with people and situations we encounter everyday. But horizontal patience is just the beginning. Developing our horizontal patience will only serve to reinforce our vertical patience - when waiting on God may seem like an impossible task.
.
Don't be impatient for the Lord to act! Travel steadily along his path. He will honor you, giving you the land. You will see the wicked destroyed.
Psalm 37:34
Friday, May 05, 2006
Patience ?!#@
Many of us think of patience as a four letter word. Just the other night, I was meeting with my prayer/accountability group and telling them about a frustrating situation at work. In the midst of my venting, I specifically told them NOT to pray for me to have patience because I didn't want things to get any worse. I can't tell you how many times I have heard other Christians make similar remarks.
Patience is a characteristic we are commanded to embody as Christians. Paul tells us in Colossians 3:12 (NLT), "You MUST clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Many times Christians "clothe" themselves in a t-shirt of patience that is about 5 sizes to small. So it cuts off our circulation and causes us to squirm about in sheer discomfort.
Admittedly, I am one of the last people you will hear praying for patience. But I believe that binding t-shirt we now wear will become larger and more comfortable the more we experience and grow our patience. Each encounter we have only adds stitches to that t-shirt, thus enabling us to breathe a little deeper and move about with a little more freedom. Before long, patience will fit us. We will no longer feel bound and suffocated by it.
Paul goes on to say in verse 13 that we must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. He also reminds us that God forgave us, so we must forgive others. Other people are so often the root of my impatience, although not always. Whether I am in traffic, in the grocery store or even trying to get down the aisle at church - people always seem to be in my way. Sometimes I feel like that guy on the heartburn commercial that talks about how he likes everything so fast. I watch that commercial with a scoffing huff and think, "Humph, that is so ridiculous." How many people have I seen right through in my efforts to simply get around them? How many times have I switched lines at the grocery store, then kept watch on my previous spot in an adjacent line to make sure I made the right move? How ridiculous!!
Tonight as I was logging on to my computer, I even noticed how impatient I am. I was typing in user names, passwords and links before the screens were fully loaded. Of course, by the time the page loaded, only half of what I had typed was retained. So I had to go back and start over. How many times have I gotten ahead of God, tried to rush things only to look back and see that only half of my efforts stuck and had to go back and start over anyway?
How many opportunities to learn, grow and serve do we miss each day because we are consumed with the speed of life. Impatience shouts in our ears so loudly that we cannot hear the important things. If you read Colossians 3 starting in verse 12 through the end of the chapter, it almost sounds like a Stepford existence. Like everyone skips everywhere they go, wears daisies in their hair and speaks in a trance-like voice. We all know that's not true. It's not the idea or point of the passage. But we have moved so far from a peaceful, calm, encouraging, servanthood society that it almost seems fictitious to us, hard to imagine.
Slowing down is certainly something I need to work on. It is something as equally hard for me to do. I am convicted that I cannot live a life of gentleness, peace, love, kindness, mercy and harmony until I first slow down, embrace the clothing of patience, and take the time to actually see the people around me as spiritual beings created by God to be loved, accepted and served.
Patience is a characteristic we are commanded to embody as Christians. Paul tells us in Colossians 3:12 (NLT), "You MUST clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Many times Christians "clothe" themselves in a t-shirt of patience that is about 5 sizes to small. So it cuts off our circulation and causes us to squirm about in sheer discomfort.
Admittedly, I am one of the last people you will hear praying for patience. But I believe that binding t-shirt we now wear will become larger and more comfortable the more we experience and grow our patience. Each encounter we have only adds stitches to that t-shirt, thus enabling us to breathe a little deeper and move about with a little more freedom. Before long, patience will fit us. We will no longer feel bound and suffocated by it.
Paul goes on to say in verse 13 that we must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. He also reminds us that God forgave us, so we must forgive others. Other people are so often the root of my impatience, although not always. Whether I am in traffic, in the grocery store or even trying to get down the aisle at church - people always seem to be in my way. Sometimes I feel like that guy on the heartburn commercial that talks about how he likes everything so fast. I watch that commercial with a scoffing huff and think, "Humph, that is so ridiculous." How many people have I seen right through in my efforts to simply get around them? How many times have I switched lines at the grocery store, then kept watch on my previous spot in an adjacent line to make sure I made the right move? How ridiculous!!
Tonight as I was logging on to my computer, I even noticed how impatient I am. I was typing in user names, passwords and links before the screens were fully loaded. Of course, by the time the page loaded, only half of what I had typed was retained. So I had to go back and start over. How many times have I gotten ahead of God, tried to rush things only to look back and see that only half of my efforts stuck and had to go back and start over anyway?
How many opportunities to learn, grow and serve do we miss each day because we are consumed with the speed of life. Impatience shouts in our ears so loudly that we cannot hear the important things. If you read Colossians 3 starting in verse 12 through the end of the chapter, it almost sounds like a Stepford existence. Like everyone skips everywhere they go, wears daisies in their hair and speaks in a trance-like voice. We all know that's not true. It's not the idea or point of the passage. But we have moved so far from a peaceful, calm, encouraging, servanthood society that it almost seems fictitious to us, hard to imagine.
Slowing down is certainly something I need to work on. It is something as equally hard for me to do. I am convicted that I cannot live a life of gentleness, peace, love, kindness, mercy and harmony until I first slow down, embrace the clothing of patience, and take the time to actually see the people around me as spiritual beings created by God to be loved, accepted and served.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Mercy Me
I love music. There is something about it that reaches inside and touches my soul. Many times I get lost in the sounds, and often the words as well. I've told my friends that should I ever land in the hospital in a coma, I want them to drag a CD player into my room and play music for me. I am convinced that if anything could pull me back into consciousness, music could.
I love to experience music in just about any format. Almost any genre. In the car. Shaking the pictures off the walls at home. Headphones. In concert. Symphonies. Bands. Solo. A single instrument. A cappella. Slow. Fast. Doesn't matter to me. I love it all. Granted there are some kinds I like more than others, but music is magical to me.
While I love it in any format, there is something special about experiencing it live - in concert. I have been known to cry at the symphony. The beauty of the music is so powerful that it literally moves me to tears. When listening to a singer in concert, I often get lost in the power of their voice. One note will come along and sweep me away. I become mesmerized, it's as if there is no one in the room but me. I'm sure that I appear to be bored to death on the outside - but I am so caught up in the sounds that everything seems to slow down, and I slip into a trance.
That happened to me last night. I went to a Mercy Me concert with a friend. Phil Wickham also performed. They have such powerful voices and sing such powerful messages that I became lost in the evening. Entranced by it all. God also has a way of showing up at those things and speaking directly to me.
A couple of days ago, I wrote a post called Surrender. In it, I talked about being ready to accept whatever pain God needed to allow into my life in order to bring me to a place of complete submission. Last night, Mercy Me gave testimonies about being in that same place, and even shared some ongoing struggles they had with letting things go and understanding why bad things happened to them. They sang a song that ministered to me and confirmed that I am on the right track with where I need to be in my brokenness with God. Their words will explain it much better than mine:
Bring the Rain by Mercy Me (from their new album Coming Up To Breathe)
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray..
(chorus)
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings you glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray...
(repeat chorus)
God never ceases to amaze me in the many ways He speaks to us. Last night, He just happened to use this band at this concert to let me know that I am not alone, He is in control, and I am right where I need to be. Praise Him!!
I love to experience music in just about any format. Almost any genre. In the car. Shaking the pictures off the walls at home. Headphones. In concert. Symphonies. Bands. Solo. A single instrument. A cappella. Slow. Fast. Doesn't matter to me. I love it all. Granted there are some kinds I like more than others, but music is magical to me.
While I love it in any format, there is something special about experiencing it live - in concert. I have been known to cry at the symphony. The beauty of the music is so powerful that it literally moves me to tears. When listening to a singer in concert, I often get lost in the power of their voice. One note will come along and sweep me away. I become mesmerized, it's as if there is no one in the room but me. I'm sure that I appear to be bored to death on the outside - but I am so caught up in the sounds that everything seems to slow down, and I slip into a trance.
That happened to me last night. I went to a Mercy Me concert with a friend. Phil Wickham also performed. They have such powerful voices and sing such powerful messages that I became lost in the evening. Entranced by it all. God also has a way of showing up at those things and speaking directly to me.
A couple of days ago, I wrote a post called Surrender. In it, I talked about being ready to accept whatever pain God needed to allow into my life in order to bring me to a place of complete submission. Last night, Mercy Me gave testimonies about being in that same place, and even shared some ongoing struggles they had with letting things go and understanding why bad things happened to them. They sang a song that ministered to me and confirmed that I am on the right track with where I need to be in my brokenness with God. Their words will explain it much better than mine:
Bring the Rain by Mercy Me (from their new album Coming Up To Breathe)
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray..
(chorus)
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings you glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray...
(repeat chorus)
God never ceases to amaze me in the many ways He speaks to us. Last night, He just happened to use this band at this concert to let me know that I am not alone, He is in control, and I am right where I need to be. Praise Him!!
Fear Factor
Okay - this is completely gross and probably totally inappropriate to share - BUT I HAVE TO!!
Have you ever seen the Stephen King movie Dreamcatcher? Remember the scene in the bathroom? Well, I felt I lived through a replay the other day...
I did the deed, stood, turned to flush and what did I see? Much to my dismay, a big, nasty, totally ALIVE roach. He was crawling around inside the toilet bowl. There is no humanly way I can even begin to express to you via this blog the INTENSE phobia I have of bugs. I have literally turned over a sofa in search of a bug before. Once I see one, I cannot rest until it's dead. I could never, never, never go on Fear Factor and put my head in a box full of bugs. NO WAY. I'd almost pay them $1,000,000 to get them off of me.
So the mere thought of little Charlie the cockroach being that close to my exposed booty sends chills through my body. I feel that I now have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) as I am no longer able to make unfettered use of the facilities. Yikes, it freaks me out just thinking about it.
Anyway- there is no relevance to anything in that story. It just wigged me out so bad that I had to share!! For those of you that know me and only think I am animated when telling a story - I might turn right into a bona fide cartoon character with this one...
Have you ever seen the Stephen King movie Dreamcatcher? Remember the scene in the bathroom? Well, I felt I lived through a replay the other day...
I did the deed, stood, turned to flush and what did I see? Much to my dismay, a big, nasty, totally ALIVE roach. He was crawling around inside the toilet bowl. There is no humanly way I can even begin to express to you via this blog the INTENSE phobia I have of bugs. I have literally turned over a sofa in search of a bug before. Once I see one, I cannot rest until it's dead. I could never, never, never go on Fear Factor and put my head in a box full of bugs. NO WAY. I'd almost pay them $1,000,000 to get them off of me.
So the mere thought of little Charlie the cockroach being that close to my exposed booty sends chills through my body. I feel that I now have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) as I am no longer able to make unfettered use of the facilities. Yikes, it freaks me out just thinking about it.
Anyway- there is no relevance to anything in that story. It just wigged me out so bad that I had to share!! For those of you that know me and only think I am animated when telling a story - I might turn right into a bona fide cartoon character with this one...
My Space
I just had a friend invite me to join myspace.com. I have to admit, I am a little 'on the fence' about it. While I think it would be a neat way to meet people, I am shocked and horrified by the amount of information people reveal about themselves. I realize that anyone determined enough could probably dig up all that stuff anyway, but why make it any easier? I guess I don't want to end up as the lead character in a Lifetime movie.
I am paranoid because I had a mild experience with identity theft a couple of years ago. Although I say it was a mild experience, it was a NIGHTMARE. I am still afraid to try to write a check in Bruno's because I am terrified that their computer will reject it (even though I have NEVER bounced a check there - someone did in my name...). I think that is the only place left that I am still afraid to write checks. Even though I presented them with a copy of police reports and signed affidavits from the bank - I was still humiliated the last time I tried to write a check and the manager came out and told me I couldn't. I can't remember how long I carried copies of the police report and the letter from the bank around with me - fearful that I might need proof in case they tried to arrest me for something someone else did.
Another thing about myspace is all the distractions. My blog is all about writing. I feel called by God to write. I've been doing the "Jonah" for quite a while now - and I am finally trying to get myself in line with God's call. I am a creative junky. When I get on the computer, I lose all sense of time - especially when I am doing something creative. I'm afraid that I will become so distracted by all the links, pictures, questions, backgrounds, songs, etc that I will lose focus on the whole reason I am on-line anyway. I stay so busy with other things that even finding time to blog is difficult.
I'm not saying that I will never create a myspace page - but for now I must graciously decline.
I am paranoid because I had a mild experience with identity theft a couple of years ago. Although I say it was a mild experience, it was a NIGHTMARE. I am still afraid to try to write a check in Bruno's because I am terrified that their computer will reject it (even though I have NEVER bounced a check there - someone did in my name...). I think that is the only place left that I am still afraid to write checks. Even though I presented them with a copy of police reports and signed affidavits from the bank - I was still humiliated the last time I tried to write a check and the manager came out and told me I couldn't. I can't remember how long I carried copies of the police report and the letter from the bank around with me - fearful that I might need proof in case they tried to arrest me for something someone else did.
Another thing about myspace is all the distractions. My blog is all about writing. I feel called by God to write. I've been doing the "Jonah" for quite a while now - and I am finally trying to get myself in line with God's call. I am a creative junky. When I get on the computer, I lose all sense of time - especially when I am doing something creative. I'm afraid that I will become so distracted by all the links, pictures, questions, backgrounds, songs, etc that I will lose focus on the whole reason I am on-line anyway. I stay so busy with other things that even finding time to blog is difficult.
I'm not saying that I will never create a myspace page - but for now I must graciously decline.
Photography
Hey! If you are interested - check out my link to Lee Lee's Photography. I added a different blog to display some of the photos I have taken. I hope to add more later. I've put the camera down for a while, and I am hoping that having this photo blog will inspire me to get going again!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Surrender
Today was a wonderful day. I went to Birmingham with my mom. We had a girls' day out. Massive shopping spree. A little cheesecake. Some really great talks along the way. All in all, it was ideal. However, there was one moment injected right in the middle of the day that brought a temporary dark cloud over our bliss.
I got a phone call from my roommate, and she told me that my dog had been very sick all morning. As she described his symptoms, the blood drained from my face. You see, I had another dog to die about three years ago - and today's events were sounding all too familiar. My doggies are like my children. When Kirby died in 2003, I was a WRECK. I don't remember the last time I was that upset. So when the call came today, I simply wasn't prepared to go through that again.
After talking to my roommate and my mom, we decided not to cut our trip short. My roommate had been watching Cooper closely, and felt he was going to be okay. So we decided to stay. Honestly though, for the rest of the day, all I could do was wonder if I was going to come home to find him dead. Then God and I had a moment in the dressing room that changed it all.
As I stood there, contemplating the loss of another pet, I was flooded with a sense of surrender. I didn't want my little doggie to die, but if God needed to strip me of another love in order to bring me under His leading - then I was willing to accept that. I realized that God will continue to take things out of my life until He is my only choice. For the first time, today I was truly ready to yield to Him. This is huge! Compared to where I was a year ago, this reaction couldn't be more different. I felt my selfishness and pride cave in. I gave up.
For the past year or so, I have been at odds with God. Last year, I became almost irate with Him and basically decided to give Him the cold shoulder. Long story short, He has been very silent in my life regarding some issues that are very important to me. It had gotten to the point where it felt like He wasn't even there. The more I longed for fullness in my life, the more He took away. I have lost several relationships over the past couple of years, and it has been very hard for me. Last year, I had finally had enough. I felt like God wasn't doing anything for me, and on top of that He was taking away people that I cared about. I guess I have been feeling a little like Job, wondering who will show up next to report yet another loss in my life.
Somewhere in the midst of all this, God has managed to find His way back into my heart. Recently, I made peace with Him, and we are on the road to restoration. He still has me in limbo regarding relationships, forcing me to spend more time alone that I would like. But He is also making clear to me the reason I need solitude right now.
Psalm 139:23-24 says "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Whatever God has to take to make me truly dependent on Him, I am at peace with that. I know I am stubborn, strong-willed and defiant. I know I need to be broken. I don't enjoy it, but I know I need it. Honestly, I hope I am finally to that point of realization that God can now do something with me - and He won't need to bring any more loss into my life. But if I need to be broken even more to be pliable for Him, then bring it on.
Incidentally, I got home tonight and Cooper was fine. He was kicking up his heels like a little donkey. I am still keeping watch over him tonight, and the groomer will keep a close eye tomorrow - but he seems to be back to his old self. Thank God!
I got a phone call from my roommate, and she told me that my dog had been very sick all morning. As she described his symptoms, the blood drained from my face. You see, I had another dog to die about three years ago - and today's events were sounding all too familiar. My doggies are like my children. When Kirby died in 2003, I was a WRECK. I don't remember the last time I was that upset. So when the call came today, I simply wasn't prepared to go through that again.
After talking to my roommate and my mom, we decided not to cut our trip short. My roommate had been watching Cooper closely, and felt he was going to be okay. So we decided to stay. Honestly though, for the rest of the day, all I could do was wonder if I was going to come home to find him dead. Then God and I had a moment in the dressing room that changed it all.
As I stood there, contemplating the loss of another pet, I was flooded with a sense of surrender. I didn't want my little doggie to die, but if God needed to strip me of another love in order to bring me under His leading - then I was willing to accept that. I realized that God will continue to take things out of my life until He is my only choice. For the first time, today I was truly ready to yield to Him. This is huge! Compared to where I was a year ago, this reaction couldn't be more different. I felt my selfishness and pride cave in. I gave up.
For the past year or so, I have been at odds with God. Last year, I became almost irate with Him and basically decided to give Him the cold shoulder. Long story short, He has been very silent in my life regarding some issues that are very important to me. It had gotten to the point where it felt like He wasn't even there. The more I longed for fullness in my life, the more He took away. I have lost several relationships over the past couple of years, and it has been very hard for me. Last year, I had finally had enough. I felt like God wasn't doing anything for me, and on top of that He was taking away people that I cared about. I guess I have been feeling a little like Job, wondering who will show up next to report yet another loss in my life.
Somewhere in the midst of all this, God has managed to find His way back into my heart. Recently, I made peace with Him, and we are on the road to restoration. He still has me in limbo regarding relationships, forcing me to spend more time alone that I would like. But He is also making clear to me the reason I need solitude right now.
Psalm 139:23-24 says "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Whatever God has to take to make me truly dependent on Him, I am at peace with that. I know I am stubborn, strong-willed and defiant. I know I need to be broken. I don't enjoy it, but I know I need it. Honestly, I hope I am finally to that point of realization that God can now do something with me - and He won't need to bring any more loss into my life. But if I need to be broken even more to be pliable for Him, then bring it on.
Incidentally, I got home tonight and Cooper was fine. He was kicking up his heels like a little donkey. I am still keeping watch over him tonight, and the groomer will keep a close eye tomorrow - but he seems to be back to his old self. Thank God!
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